That Was The Season That Was - Part 2

Part two of our look at the 2008/09 season covers November 2008 to January 2009 - with a wee bit of February thrown in for free to cover an "interesting" transfer window....

November 2008

The recent run of defeats ends with a 1-1 draw away at Boro’, thanks largely to a superb first-half performance. Hayden Mullins is on the scoresheet.

It’s all change at board level as Mike Lee and Gumundur Oddson resign their directorships.

Barack Obama takes time out from singing “Bubbles” and perusing his programme collection to win the US Presidential Election. Sadly his first executive order to launch a nuclear strike on Sheffield is cancelled when he is told that McCabe lives in Brussels and the fall-out might affect attendances at Francois Van Der Elst’s bar.

Hammers dominate the home match against Everton until three late goals give Everton a flattering and somewhat undeserved win. The highlight of the match is Jack Collison’s fine strike.

James Collins is arrested outside a London nightclub in what turns out to have been a case of mistaken identity. It must have been some other 6ft+ ginger bloke then.

Hammers keep a first clean sheet in 25 matches as Maltese Hammer jets over to add yet another 0-0 draw to his burgeoning collection. Portsmouth are the visitors for this historic event.

Man of the match Matthew Upson is on the scoresheet as England beat Germany 2-1 in a friendly in Berlin.

The team notches its first win since September with a less than convincing 1-0 win at the Stadium of Light courtesy of Valon Behrami’s 20th minute strike.

Any lingering thoughts that Sheffield United’s campaign against the club had anything to do with “fairness” in football are dispelled as the hypocrites obtain a court injunction preventing any appeal to CAS against Griffiths’ bizarre decision.

The Blades bring football further into disrepute when Chris Morgan assaults Barnsley striker Iain Hume. Morgan is described by Blades’ boss Blackwell as “a first class lad” and assistant boss Ellis claims that people are “making too much” of the incident. How daft of the world of football to make “so much” of a little knock that left the player requiring emergency surgery for a fractured skull necessitating a further return to hospital with severe concussion.

December 2008

Hammers nick a point up at Anfield with a dogged performance in a 0-0 draw. The official Liverpool programme suggests that Zola will be out if he doesn’t get a result, which is a pretty disgraceful thing for an official programme to say.

The club finally gets new shirt sponsors in the form of betting firm Spobet. Regulations regarding replica kits for youngsters mean that kids’ shirts cannot carry the new logo and junior sizes bear the Bobby Moore Fund logo, prompting mass dieting as thousands of fans struggle to get their beer bellies into shirts marked “Large Boys”.

Hammers go down 2-0 at home to Spurs who, despite a poor home display, require two shocking refereeing decisions and a goal from a late breakaway to take the points.

Kieron Dyer surfaces again several months after the pre-season announcement that he’d be out for six weeks, returning to action in a behind closed doors match at Chadwell Heath.

Hammers pick up a point at Stamford Bridge where Bellamy’s strike is sufficient to earn a 1-1 draw. Calum Davenport in for the injured James Collins has a fine game and Cole spurns a marvellous chance to take all three points at the death.

Forensic accountants collapse laughing as full details of Sheffield United’s claim against the club are examined. The full details remain under wraps, though claims for moat cleaning and duck islands cannot be ruled out.

Former chairman Eggert Magnusson joins the lengthening queue at the civil courts in his quest to collect a payout he claims is due following his departure from the club the previous year.

Hammers play Villa off the park only to rue spurned chances as Villa nick all three points at the Boleyn with a freak deflection at the death. The result leaves the side one spot above the relegation zone going into the Christmas break.

Nigel Quashie’s loan as Birmingham is extended as the club admits they’d forgotten all about him anyway.

Rumours start to fly about that Spurs have made approaches towards Craig Bellamy. Strangely, for a club that had earlier complained bitterly about illegal approaches from Man Utd and Liverpool, Spurs don’t seem too fussed about seeking permission before having talks with the striker.

The Bellamy rumours, together with further tales of BG’s debts, fuel speculation that a “fire sale” of players might take place and fears that the forthcoming window might see the departure of Green, Upson and Bellamy seem quite real.

Things brighten up on Boxing Day as a splendid second half at Fratton Park sees us run out 4-1 winners over Pompey. Defoe misses a penalty as Bellamy (2) Cole and Collison all net.

Things get even funnier two days later as Hammers, without the suspended Bellamy, pick up another three points against an awful Stoke City, coming from behind to win 2-1 with goals from Cole and a somewhat fortunate deflection from Tristan. The game is notable for the girly slap delivered by Ricardo Fuller on team-mate Andy Griffin just after the equaliser, the inevitable sending off being described as “camp” rather than “violent” conduct in the ref’s report. The six points in two games send the club from the fringe of the relegation zone to 10th spot.

The year ends with the return of James Tomkins from a loan spell at Derby County, suggesting that the youngster might be required for first-team duty sooner rather than later.

January 2009

Hammers comfortably deal with an Ian Hume-less Barnsley with a 3-0 victory in the third round of the Cup. Ilunga, Noble (pen) and Cole score as the conspiracy theorists muse upon the absence of Upson. The reward is a trip to Hartlepool.

Parker is next to be linked with a departure as the window opens. Man City are the reported suitors, though the club later issues a “not for sale” warning. Villa deny interest in Upson. Birmingham return to the club’s bargain aisle to snap up Lee Bowyer on loan to go with Nigel Quashie, whoever he is.

Transfer speculation hots up as it transpires that Calum Davenport has had a contretemps with Zola, who ruthlessly dropped the defender to the bench despite some good performances. Bolton are rumoured to be interested.

Hull are sniffing around Luis Boa-Morte who has been a target of the boo boys at the Boleyn in recent weeks. However the speculation comes to nothing amidst rumours that LBM’s wage demands are beyond the Tigers.

Matthew Etherington departs for Stoke, the transfer deal presumably including some sort of settlement of the gambling debts that the club picked up on the winger’s behalf. Ricardo Fuller is not reported to be quaking in his boots.

Hammers venture north to Newcastle to take a point in an entertaining 2-2 draw. Fine goals from Bellamy and Cole either side of the interval earn the point. Sir Ranulph Feinnes declines an invitation to the match on the grounds that the climb to the away section at SJP is “far too difficult”. The veteran explorer later becomes the first British OAP to conquer Everest.

Transfer speculation gets silly as Man City striker Bojinov is reported in the Manchester Evening News as having spoken with the club without permission. The Club’s new “get tough policy” with regard to false reporting results in a threat of legal action and the paper is forced to print a full retraction and apology. Kevin McCabe takes note and mercifully remains silent for a while.

Spurs put in another bid for Bellamy, testing CEO Scott Duxbury’s assertion that the club would not be sending its best players to White Hart Lane. It’s not that much of a test admittedly, a swap deal involving Darren Bent being an offer the club finds easy to refuse. Reports that Bellamy has stormed out of training at being denied a move to Spurs prove to be somewhat exaggerated.

It still seems likely, however, that Bellamy’s stay at the Boleyn is at an end as he is left out of the side to play Fulham. Hammers win an entertaining match 3-1 with goals from DiMichele, Noble (pen) and Cole countering a trademark freak long distance effort from former Hammer Paul Konchesky. Ref Dowd bizarrely fails to issue a red card to Konchesky who brings down Cole when clear through on goal. It is a reluctance that Dowd is to lose to our cost later in the season at Everton.

Bellamy finally leaves for Middle Eastlands for a reputed fee of between £12-14m. Out of favour Julien Faubert announces that he is looking to leave for Lyon. Or anywhere.

Someone called Nigel Quashie turns up at the front door at Green Street claiming to be a player. He brandishes a note from Birmingham City containing feeding instructions. Zola scribbles out the address on the envelope and Quashie disappears off towards Molineaux where he spends the rest of the season on loan.

Back on the pitch Hammers see off Hartlepool 2-0 with first half goals from Behrami and Noble (pen). The tie results in some genuinely valuable contributions to the site’s forum from Hartlepool fans – in particular from a gentleman calling himself Mr Creosote (possibly not his real name) and we receive numerous tales of friendly and warm welcomes from the locals. Those of us who regularly use the town as a base for our north east excursions are not surprised. A home tie against Boro’ is the reward.

The transfer window rumour mill moves into overdrive as Nani confirms negotiations to bring 19 year-old Savio Nsereko to the club from Italian side Brescia. Hayden Mullins won’t be about to greet the youngster though – he’s off to Pompey in another undisclosed fee deal worth a reported £2m. Strangely when my other half asks how much I’ve spent on following the Hammers the answer “the figure must remain undisclosed” does not receive the same acceptance it does elsewhere in the football world.

Meanwhile things start to get really daft as “Sky Sports reveals” that Juventus are interested in signing Carlton Cole, something that appears to have come as some surprise to “The Old Lady.”

Sheffield United interfere in another club’s selection policy for a third time as Matthew Spring’s transfer to Charlton breaks the rules on third party influence.We're still waiting for details of the fine that the authorities are, obviously, still considering.

Savio arrives and, on the pitch, Hammers produce some exhilarating stuff as Hull are dispatched 2-0 with goals from DiMichele and Cole. Tigers ‘keeper Duke saves a penalty and a few dozen other shots for good measure to give the score a very flattering look from Hull’s point of view.

The Hull match also marks the return of stadium announcer Jeremy Nicholas following less than succesful stints by a number of replacement announcers. Rumours that Jeremy had been rested in case Sheffield United thought he was ineligible are probably wide of the mark and I really should stop circulating them.

Czech international Radoslav “Theo” Kovac arrives on loan to give the women something to look at while the football is going on. (Yes, cheap I know but you don’t have to put up with the women in my part of the ground!)

The world of football giggles at the inventiveness of the wag who suggests a loan move for Julien Faubert to Real Madrid. As the laughter dies down someone says “by the way, where IS Julien”. The answer comes as something of a surprise.

Hammers come away from the New Library with a point from a 0-0 draw with Arsenal. Savio makes his debut as sub and impresses with a couple of strong, but legal, challenges, one of which sees Diaby carried off.

Calum Davenport disappears on loan to Sunderland, a move that gives the Mackems three ex-Hammers in the back four and, as the window closes, the Club exercises its option to make Ilunga’s loan deal permanent, as thousands ask “no, really, where IS Faubert”.

And Kieron Dyer is injured………


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