That Was The Season That Was 2013-14 - Part Four
- by Gordon Thrower
- Filed: Tuesday, 1st July 2014
After a less than wonderful start to 2014, things needed to improve and fast. Gordon Thrower's look back at 2013/14 continues as he picks off another couple of months starting with February 2014. Howard Webb might want to give this one a miss....
February 2014With the January window having closed it emerges Razvan Rat, has been released from his contract “by mutual consent”. Nobody ever did get round to calling him Roland, mainly as a result of his making so few appearances. Also out of the door is out of favour Modibo Maiga. He heads west to QPR in the hope that a spell in the Championship might do something for what appears to be a somewhat fragile confidence.
After what was by any reasonable standard a miserable January, the point gained at Chelsea at the end of the month appears to have galvanised the team who return to winning ways with a 2-0 win over Swansea. A first half brace from Nolan gives us the three points.
The match is hugely controversial as Howard Webb hits a new low. Carroll tangles with Chico Flores, accidentally brushing the cheating Spaniard's ponytail as his arm comes around. Flores clutches his face as if shot. Webb dismisses Carroll. On video review it transpires that the one piece of violent conduct in the whole affair is Flores' elbow to Carroll's chest and that Webb is actually looking the other way as it occurs. Despite this, Webb refuses to change his mind when shown the video. Carroll gets a three match ban. Webb, whose dishonesty in the whole affair should have seen him face some sort of disciplinary action, takes his bent grin off to the World Cup instead.
One would have hoped that Webb's main employers might have had something to say about their employee. Unfortunately, as the Hillsborough affair has shown, altering the facts to save your own backside seems to be pretty endemic amongst the South Yorkshire Police Force
Whether or not connected with the dishonesty of his players, Michael Laudrup barely survives the weekend as manager of Swansea, his dismissal being the second of the season to occur just after playing us. Laudrup's departure comes amid rumours of the manager's lack of interest in little things like actually taking training, midweek breaks to Paris apparently being the norm.
Ooop north things at Leeds become so farcial that those who remember them kicking, bribing and cheating their way to league titles in the 1970's temporarily stop laughing at Spurs for a while to enjoy a loud guffaw at the expense of the denizens of Elland Road.
The story goes something like this: Italian Massimo Cellino takes over the club from owners GFH. Cellino sacks incumbent manager Brian McDermott. A person or persons unknown then makes changes to the Leeds team on the Friday before they go out and bet local rivals Huddersfield 5-1 on the Saturday. GFH then point out that Cellino doesn't actually own the club yet and therefore doesn't have the power to sack McDermott. McDermott is duly reinstated, though nobody thinks to tell him, the news arriving via his i-Pad. Meanwhile, the lawyer who sacked McDermott on behalf of Cellino is escorted from the ground by a big bloke acting on behalf of GFH. McDermott turns up to take training to find a mystery Italian player warming up in training. Asked by the press who the player is McDermott responds “no idea”. Cellino promptly fails the Football League's fit and proper test, which is a a pretty good trick given the credentials of some of those who have managed to pass the test in the past. More to come on this one we reckon.
Of course when it comes to stuff to laugh at, Joe Kinnear is ever one to be outdone. Seven months and not a penny spent sees the SJP faithful chanting “where's your signings Joe Kinnear.” Sadly before he can claim to have signed Messi and Ronaldo in response, Kinnear resigns pausing only to add a Newcastle Champion League win onto the bottom of his already somewhat factually-challenged CV. Meanwhile, the resulting grin on Alan Pardew's face makes him look smugger than ever, something previously thought to have been impossible by most scientist, or at least most of those who deal in smugology.
As if to rally against the sheer injustice of the whole Carroll affair, we make it three clean sheets in a row with a 2-0 win over Villa at Villa Park. Nolan continues his rehabilitation with another brace.
Surely we couldn't make it three in a row for the first time since black & white telly (no I couldn't be bothered to look it up either but it probably wasn't that long ago I suppose. The amazing run continues as two late goals from Collins and Diame send Norwich home pointless. Adrian is the MOTM after a string of saves earlier on keeps us in the game. Canaries boss Chris Hughton bemoans his luck. Again.
Outside of football, as if organised religions don't do enough to make themselves look daft, The General Authority of Islamic Affairs and Endowment in the UAE announces a Fatwa. The subject of this interpretation of Islamic law is not, as you might think, some hapless cartoonist or the entire population of the USA. No, the ruling is aimed at anyone who might be considering going to live on Mars. Apparently the one way nature of such a trip would be tantamount to suicide which, of course is a no-no in many religions. Thanks guys that's match my mind up for me.
The Ravel Morrison mystery continues. Having been missing with a groin injury that has seen coaching staff raising sceptical eyebrows-a-plenty, the player is loaned out to QPR, which is fast becoming the Boleyn Ground's equivalent of the naughty step.
Winning? It's getting boring now as the streak continues with the side coming from behind to dispatch Southampton 3-1. Jarvis, Carlton Cole and a resurgent Nolan are on the scoresheet in a month that waves two fingers at Howard Webb.
The guys who run the kumb.com podcast to honour the anniversary of the passing of Bobby Moore. It's a marvellous piece of work featuring a whole host of the great and good of football and Harry Redknapp. If you haven't heard it yet I'm sure the link is available somewhere on the site. Meanwhile I'd like to apologise to the guys on behalf of everyone who approached me to tell me what a good job I'd done (I did apportion the credit to where it was due).
The four wins in a row see us end the month in tenth place, easing the worries of relegation that some of you may have been having up to this point. At the top Chelsea lead though Arsenal, Man City and Liverpool, who seem to be trying to become the first team to win the Premier League based purely on their ability to dive, are all breathing down the Pensioners' necks.
March 2014
Having won 4 in a row in February, the marvellous run comes at an end up at Goodison Park. Lukaku is the difference between the sides again with a late winner. The match sees the return of Andy Carroll from his disgraceful suspension. Replacing Carlton Cole on 28 minutes, the record signing ends up with a broken finger for his troubles.
Newcastle beat Hull 4-1 at the KC Stadium in a match memorable for an altercation between Alan Pardew and City's David Meyler. The Newcastle boss headbutts the defender. And we thought Kinnear was the mad one. The butt earns Pardew a seven match ban, the first three of which are a stadium ban. An FA fine of £60,000 is added to a club one of £100,000. Have to wait a few more weeks to upgrade that Ferrari then Alan.
Man City pick up the League Cup, though they don't have it all their own way as Sunderland go into the interval 1-0 up. Three unanswered second half goals give the Citizens the trophy prompting us to muse how different things might have been had we been able to field a proper first XI in the semi-final. Not much probably.
We then go down 3-1 at Stoke. Carroll's 5th minute opener is cancelled out by Odemwingie before referee Pawson inexplicably allows Stoke defender Muniesa to get away with a penalty so blatant that had a human being been refereeing the match (rather than the cloned Rileybots that are employed these days) he'd have died of shame. Stoke go on to net two more times to give them a flattering win.
Former Olympic triple jump champion Jonathan Edwards, who famously wouldn't compete on Sundays due to his religious beliefs, announces that he no longer believes in God. Whilst the athlete doesn't go into too much detail, we wonder if, like us he wonders about a supreme deity who, would, if he existed, surely have hit Howard Webb with a plague of boils or something by now.
Another West Ham tradition is maintained as it is revealed that Boriello, who has made just two sub appearances since arriving on loan, joins the long list of signings who get injured never to be seen again.
FIFA announce that from June 1 any player displaying a message on his undershirt would receive an automatic yellow card for the offence. The decision takes the relevant committee so long to come to, that they run out of time to take steps to ensure that referees enact the laws already there to punish players for diving. Similarly all the stuff about preventing corruption within FIFA gets put off until after brown envelope season has closed.
Jack Collison looks to be on his way out as he signs for Wigan on loan to the end of the season. I'd check that contract Jack if Whelan has signed it.
After a longer than usual delay in announcing the award, the powers that be finally run out of excuses not to give Sam Allardyce February's manager of the month thingy. Joe Kinnear scoffs dismissively claiming to have won dozens of the titles.The fact that they used to give out those massive bottles of scotch for the award could explain a lot.
“Madder than a whole box of Kinnears” defender Toms Repka admits to have given away a penalty in a Czech league match in 2012 in order to get back at his old club. The resulting goal helps Liberec win 4-0 with them eventually going on to win the league by two points over Repka's old club Sparta Prague. “I wasn't thinking straight” Repka points out helpfully in his autobiography which, totally coincidentally, is out at the time.
The good people at Birdseye announce the retirement of Captain Birdseye from our tv screens,. “Our decision is designed to breathe new life into the brand and is in no way connected with Operation Yewtree” claims a spokesman.
We go down to Man Utd 2-0 at home. The opening goal has the tv pundits going into fawning overdrive as Rooney volleys in from near the halfway line having shoved Tomkins out of the way. Let's just ignore the laws of the game shall we then for the sake of something to talk about? Manchester United boss Moyes breaks years of tradition by doing us the courtesy of actually turning up at a press conference.
We return to winning ways as Hull are beaten 2-1. Hull 'keeper McGregor knocks himself out colliding with Mo Diame. Having given away the penalty McGregor recovers enough to leave the field only to see Mike “Look At Me” Dean show him the red card. Noble puts the spot kick away. Jelavic equalises in the second half before Chester diverts Demel's cross into his own net. The team's performance is poor enough to have sections of the crowd booing, with Allardyce, perhaps unwisely, cupping his ear to supporters in response. Earlier in the match the centre-half curse strikes again as James Collins limps off after only nine minutes. Roger Johnson, who earlier describes himself as a “season-ticket holder” in the Soccer AM crossbar challenge thing, comes on and inspires one of the wittier chants of the season, suggesting that “he's off to Brazil”.
West Brom sack Nicolas Anelka for “gross misconduct” hours after the player announces that he's torn up his contract anyway. An Albion spokesman says that his “resignation” doesn't count as he only announced it on twitter which makes the club's sacking the decision that counts, an announcement that in no way reeks of sour grapes at all.
So a mixed month comes to an end in 12th spot with Man City and the Liverpool diving academy fighting over top spot. We look safe enough to me, though with a tough run-in and not many points separating the occupants of the lower half of the table a few more wins in the next month or so wouldn't go amiss. Meanwhile the relationship between the manager and fans is balanced on a knife-edge. Best not get relegated then.....
* Like to share your thoughts on this article? Please visit the KUMB Forum to leave a comment.
* Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the highlighted author/s and do not necessarily represent or reflect the official policy or position of KUMB.com.