Here we go with another column; in one of the most depressing weeks to be a West Ham fan for some time. The game against Man United should have been a joyful carnival that would have sent us partying down Green Street to Wembley; instead we got the worst home performance since August.
If you’re anything like me, you can’t stand football at a time like this. I rarely watch Match of the Day after a heavy defeat. I don’t want to even think about West Ham - I certainly can’t even contemplate the FA Cup. Right now, I don’t even want to think about the last game at the Boleyn against the same opposition in May.That said, I have a word count to meet and a column to write. So I will do my best.
West Ham
Awful, awful performance against Man Utd. We simply left it too late.
Another party guilty of leaving it too late, were the costume designers on my favourite film of all time ‘Robocop’. Apparently, the Robocop suit, as used on Robocop (the first film, not the 2014 remake, which I haven’t bothered to watch yet), had a budget allocated to it of $1m in 1987 money - making it the most expensive item on set.
From what I’ve read, six Robocop suits were made - three intact and three with damage - presumably used for the final scene in which our protagonist battles with the uncompromising and deranged ED209.
Of course, Peter Weller (no relation to Paul) played the lead role of Robocop - and due to the cumbersome nature of the suit, was losing three pounds a day in sweat. But what many people don’t know is that Arnold Swarzenegger was originally favoured by director Paul Verhoeven for the lead role.
Given the limited acting dexterity required of the role, what with RoboCop’s lower jaw being all that’s exposed for 90 per cent of the film - it may well have been a role the former Governor of California could have excelled at. Fortunately, we’ll never know.
Podcast
Our guest this week was Tony Carr - who, as anyone who has listened to the podcast will agree, made an absolutely fascinating appearance. To achieve what he achieved on the youth training pitches of Chadwell Heath would surely have required some steely, possibly even fearful, leadership down the years - but what with him being such a nice man, it’s hard to imagine that side of his character.
Funnily enough, this juxtaposition between ‘seemingly nice guy’ and ‘leader through fear’ was exactly director Paul Verhoeven’s intention when he cast Kurtwood Smith in the role of terrifying gangland leader ‘Clarence Boddicker’ in the 1987 ultra-violent film Robocop. Kurtwood Smith who, up until his role in RoboCop, had primarily been known for playing ‘good guy’ family-type roles.
I only saw Robocop because my auntie mistakenly bought it for me, thinking it was a kids film. So, in essence, Clarence Boddicker was the first film baddie I ever saw. Sure - I’d seen the likes of Skeletor (who I’d argue retained a a degree of cuddliness and harmlessness, owing to his incompetent aides) - but Boddicker was a league above them all in terms of evil.
The scene that shook me most was his cold execution of careerist OCP Executive Robert “Bob” Morton, in his own home and in the company of some of his personal female friends - in a state of some undress I might add.
The rest of life
I shouldn’t write this article without telling you that podcast sponsors 888 Sport are offering a, frankly, crazy offer of West Ham to beat Leicester on Sunday at 11/1. This offer is exclusively in partnership with KUMB.com and you can get that bet here and only here.
But the most fascinating aspect of the characterisation of Clarence Boddicker - in terms of RoboCop director Paul Verhoeven’s adjustments - was the addition of rimless glasses. Only years later would I discover Verhoeven chose to outfit Smith's character Clarence Boddicker in rimless glasses because of their connotations with intellectualism; implying that Clarence was a fearsome, but also hyper-intelligent adversary.
Interestingly, Verhoeven additionally elected to have Boddicker wear rimless glasses in order to draw similarities to the equally, and evilly, bespectacled Heinrich Himmler - who infamously committed suicide before meeting the allied justice meted out at the Nuremberg trials.
All of which goes to demonstrate that there are layers to unwrap within RoboCop and it’s probably worth a second look. Something that’s not worth a second look are the highlights to West Ham’s quarter final replay against Manchester United.
See you next week.
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