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Bobby On The Ball


Filed: Sunday, 6th June 1999
By: Bobby Upper Bobby


(This installment of BOBBY ON THE BALL is brought to you by the letters B and L).

Alright there guys and gels - welcome one and all to the all new and improved Knees Up Mother Brown and with it, the all new Bobby Upper Bobby page re-named and re-vamped as "Bobby on the Ball" to match our new home. It's like we've had Anne McKevitt in on a springclean.

Likewise when I occasionally let our old friend West Lower Les out of his cave, his prattlings and prophecies of doom will be regaled under the glorious banner of "Les on the Line". I know, he doesn't deserve it.

Anyway I have to tell you Bloody Lovely people that I, the Bobster, have had a peach of a summer so far, as have our Beloved West Ham.

Leaving Loughton and Essex for the Bright Lights of the Homelands all night dance festival in Winchester at season's end, rather opened my eyes to the glorious possibilities that the close season had to offer, for me that is not Rio, Frank and the Boys.

Then followed a week's highlife on the Lush and truly Lovely island of Zakynthos in Greece producing the Bronzed, Blond and ever so slightly Blistered Bobby that writes for you now.

And to top it all I got back in time for the increasingly interesting and enjoyable Intertoto competion - apart from the price - what a BLooming Liberty. The away leg against Heerenveen was a pinnacle too, that night just could not have been Bettered!

Well, I could have doubled my Bubbles by nipping into Amsterdam on the way But Because of the only real Blot on the Bloody Landscape throughout the whole summer - Lousy Bleeding WORK - it was not to be.

Saying that Losing out on SLaven Bilic I thought was a complete Bummer as well.

But that night in the Lowlands was absolutely faultless - the Buzz in the away end was the dogs BoLLocks.

For twenty years I'd waited for the day that I would see West Ham win a competitive European match on the continent. And despite Les saying that the day would never come, Both he and I were there when it finally happened.

And don't listen to what those Little Bastard Totts or the Sun say about the InterTwobob cup - it was a joy to be there and plenty of sides, not least Liverpool or Villa, would have given their eyeteeth to be where we were standing.

"We're all going on a European Tour, a European Tour, a European Tour!!!"

And then, to cap it all our East London Boys put the Totts to the sword and showed them up as the Bleedin' Liabilities they really are. Anyone who was there knows how Bloody Lovely it was.

Towards the end of the match the spineless Totts finally piped Broke into song with:

"One Song, you've only got one song"

to which the wags in the Bobby Upper replied:

"One goal, we've only got goal"

which had a Brickin' it Les in an total Lather till the final whistle, when we all BeLLowed:

"One goal, we only need one goal"

Lovely JuBBly!!!

Let's hope the Bad Losers finish Bottom of the League. They won't of course, but you can hope.

Loughton was completely Barren that night, as the Bastard Totts made themselves scarce Because they knew Bobby was on the prowl, Livin' it Larger than Life in the fast Lane and that one volley from me would Blow them all the way to Leyton, Basildon, Brentwood or Lanza-BLeedin-rote.

Anyway let's hope the rest of the 1999/2000 seasons Lives up to this BriLLiant Beginning.

Till next time then. Look after yourselves.

Oh and don't forget to Let Graeme know what you think of his Beautiful new Baby of a site. Congratulations due all round methinks.


Please note that the opinions expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily represent the views of, nor should be attributed to, KUMB.com.





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