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Despite Wednesday's win Preview Percy is still a bit cheesed off. It seems that his proposed holiday abroad has been cancelled. Nothing to do with the virus - it seems that his Greek village of choice got a petition up. He is also missing out on his annual trip to Newcastle...

It’s back up the road – using the A1, A1 (M) so as to give Leicester a wide berth. Maybe a slight break in the journey in the County Durham area for the restorative effect of the local waters on the eyesight might be in order if only we were allowed to go. We will of course be hosted by Newcastle United. Kick-off on Sunday is 2:15pm or if you use the same facilities as Mr Howlett, 8pm, and the game is on Sky. Apparently, although pubs such as the Swan and Superinjunction will be open they are likely to be barred from showing the match so get yourself down the offie.




This may well be the last time I have to point out to the geographically challenged up there that owner Mike Ashley is not a Cockney. Or maybe not. The proposed change in ownership seems to have hit a snag in the “fit and proper” part of the equation as Saudi Arabia’s somewhat iffy reputation for human rights compliance comes under scrutiny. I have some sympathy for the committee. With Manchester City already on board from that part of the world, exactly how do you go about determining whether it is better or worse to have a journalist murdered or to have him imprisoned without trial, periodically letting him emerge to have parts of his body introduced to the local National Grid? It’s a tough one to be sure.

Since the return from the wilderness they are unbeaten in the league having beaten Sheffield United 3-0 at home (subject to appeal), drawn 1-1 with Villa at the same venue then, in midweek, making the trek down to Bournemouth where they coasted to a 4-1 victory over the Cherries. Somewhere in all that they did lose a cup quarter-final going down 2-0 at home to Man City in a match that was a lot more comfortable for the visitors than the scoreline suggests. At one stage the TV company’s Department Of Pointless Statistics came up with some figures that suggested that the only touch they had had of the ball was from the kick-off after De Bruyne had opened the scoring with a penalty.

All of this has left them in 13th position with 42 points from the 32 games played so far. This is safe enough from the perils that lie below for manager Steve Bruce to be spinning himself out as some sort of coaching genius, presumably with the intention of not being first out of the door if the new owners start thinking of employing a real coaching genius if they are allowed to take time out from reducing the journalist population to take over the club.

Daisy, the socially-bubbled personal assistant with the beautiful smile, informs me that all the winter transfer activity centred on the loan market. In came midfielder Nabil Bentaleb, whose surname always puts me in mind of a proprietary type of asthma medication. As far as I am aware the player doesn’t actually have asthma, but he has overcome the tragedy of having played for Tottenham.

He left there for our friends in Gelsenkirchen in 2016, originally signing for Schake on a season’s loan which was made permanent a year later. During his spell there he became the first player in the Bundesliga to have a goal confirmed by goalline technology. And nobody can take that away from him. His time in Germany went sour when he was dropped to the U23 squad after ignoring instructions to turn up at the ground for a match for which he was injured, electing instead to go visit his wife who was in hospital at the time.

He made a brief return to first XI action but then missed a language lesson which prompted another return to the stiffs. In amongst all that there had been rumours of tactical disagreements with the coaching staff so it wasn’t much of a surprise to see him depart on loan, with the Geordies having an option to purchase at the end of the season, which on current estimates will be sometime in 2025.




The next arrival was an Austrian with the decidedly un-teutonic sounding name of Valentino Lazaro. The 1930’s-style Portuguese crooner-style name can be traced back to his dad’s side of the family who hail from Angola. The Graz-born midfielder started his career at RB Salzburg, during which time he became the Austrian Bundesliga’s youngest ever player, which, as a claim to fame probably trumps Bentaleb’s “goal line technology” claim to faim should they ever get around to a spot of changing room one-upmanship. After Salzburg he spent a couple of years at Hertha Berlin before pitching up on the other side of the Alps at Inter last July. However, he has found first team opportunity at the San Siro limited so he was sent to Tyneside in January to get a bit of game time.

Like Bentaleb, Danny Rose has suffered from being at Spurs. He has had injury problems and, though recovered, at the start of this season he was left out of the pre-season squad with a rather tersely-worded statement coming out of the toilet bowl to the effect that he was being given “time to explore prospective opportunities with other clubs”, which sounds a lot like the “leaving to spend more time with the family” excuse often given by Members Of Parliament when their Chief Whip has discovered a skeleton or two in the cupboard.

Nobody came in for him during the summer but clearly neither club nor player were happy with each other so it was probably not the hardest decision in the world for the player to make when the Geordies offered him a loan spell which, it has turned out, has lasted a lot longer than anyone had anticipated.

The post-lockdown form horse has been French winger Allan Saint-Maximin. He has an abundance of pace and was instrumental in setting up three of their four goals at Bournemouth the other night. One of those was the effort dispatched by youngster Sean Longstaff. The rest home’s resident Geordie, Preview Alastair, was watching that match accompanied by his son who, a mere minute before Longstaff’s goal, stuck a few bob on the player to score using the Winstone Turf Accountancy App on his mobile telephonic device. Given that the odds were 25/1 at that point, his winnings probably earned him enough to buy a few bottles of that hideously expensive strawberry-flavoured beer that he insists on drinking to embarrass his father – and believe me his father is not one who embarrasses easily.

The goal was pretty much Longstaff’s last contribution to proceedings, having picked up a knock that curtailed his evening. He is a doubt for Sunday as is striker Joelinton, who is rated 50-50. We may see something of former Hammer and now Lemmy tribute act Andy Carroll. Carroll, whose facial hair must surely be some sort of yellow card offence, has yet to score for the Magpies, which, of course, makes him short odds to open his account this weekend. I’m guessing that if you stick a few bob on you might win enough to buy a pint of proper, non-embarrassing beer.

And on we go to the wild and wacky world of Association Football. Liverpool were saved from a 5-0 defeat only by VAR. However, the defeat as it was probably enough to see thousands go into mourning as their long-ball game was decidedly second-best to Man City’s more pleasing to the eye passing game. Given that Man City’s focus has been on the So-called Champions League this term, and given that they may not have that distraction next term I can see the BBC resetting the “years of hurt” counter back to 1.




VAR also reared its ugly head in a number of games – including ours. I have said it before and I will say it again. VAR is not a problem as long as those operating it know what they are doing. Leaving it in the hands of a group of referees who you wouldn’t trust to sit the right way up on a toilet seat was always going to result in disaster. And what happened to the idiot who said he had reviewed Spurs’ first goal against us? Suspension? A fine? Reminded of his responsibilities? Of course not. He was sent away to do Everton v Leicester. I am not one who doesn’t like to say I told you so. Because I did.

We have now got to the stage whereby whenever a PGMOL official cocks-up they issue a statement, to defend the decision, The “player was in the keeper’s eyeline” announcement was an insult to one’s intelligence. Come on guys if you have to lie at least make it plausible.

Up to that point we hadn’t won a point from going 1-0 down and in our current position that sort of decision could have cost us dearly. However, it was pleasing in the extreme to see the players knuckling down and working their socks off, something that in certain players has been all too lacking since the comeback. Even Lanzini – whose creative contribution may have been limited – put in a shift and was seen trying to tackle back.

The injury to Noble may have been one of those occasions where we have hit on a good ine-up by accident. The resulting pairing of Souceck and Rice in the middle worked wonders.and it may be the untimely intervention of a hamstring that ultimately sees the end of the skipper’s tenure as first name on the teamsheet. Talking of skippers Rice’s leadership was excellent – always good to see a youngster with the bottle to boss senior pros about.

Rice picked up a yellow but the officiating was such that I rather got the impression that nothing short of a spell of serial killing would see a Chelsea player in the book. Alonso’s nasty rake of the studs down the back of Bowen’s calf may have deserved even more than the yellow it inexplicably avoided for example.

So good performances all round then which will have done wonders for morale about the place. Of course this is West Ham and every good thing seems to be accompanied by some sort of karmic counterbalance lest we spend too much time with smiles on our faces. Which brings us to what I shall refer to as 'Hallergate'. It seems that we didn’t quite get around to making May’s £5,4m instalment payment to Eintracht. The club denied that this had anything to do with cash flow and was the result of a contractual issue between the two clubs. Not sure I buy that to be honest. All seems a bit convenient at a time when there is no cash coming in and there are season ticket refunds to shell out for. We will see.

Haller is rated 50-50 at the time of writing as are the aforementioned Noble, Masuaku and Anderson who, bizarrely, managed to pick up a strain on Wednesday whilst warming up for a game he took no part in.

Prediction? Well how typical would it be to follow up Wednesday with a stinker. However., never underestimate the power of a good result from a feelgood perspective. A point would not be the worst result in the world and a point is what I think we will get. So Mr Winstone, when you have finished paying out money for strawberry-flavoured beer, please place the £2.50 that I was going to spend on sending a condolences card to Liverpool on a 1-1 draw.

Enjoy the game!





When last we met at SJP: Won: 3-0 (Premier League December 2019)

One of our easier trips north. Anderson was on form as his late 3rd put the icing on the cake after Hernandez had netted in both halves. The rest of the evening was a bit hazy. Evenings with Preview Alastair tend to get a bit like that.


Referee: Craig Pawson

Second appearance in three matches for us the technical term for which is “stalking”. Let’s hope he takes the opportunity to avail himself of the restorative properties of the County Durham waters on eyesight.


Danger Man: Allan Saint-Maximin

Puts one in mind of Traore – and that worked out well the other week, didn’t it?


Percy’s Poser

Last time out we visited the website of Russia Today. Which provided the following headline:

Russia’s only XXXXX XXX” calls it quits

Well Done to Ms Johanna Lush-Attic from Dovercourt who correctly identified the missing words as “Corgi Cop”

This week the Chronicle provides us with what may be the ultimate in First World problems as it gives us the following headline:

Stark warning for the XXXXX XXXXXX if the Government fails to act soon

Good luck one and all!

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