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Know What I Mean Harry

Filed: Friday, 30th October 1998
By: Dan O`Rourke

So here I am again for round 3. It seems everything imaginable has happened at our beloved club since I last put fingers to keys (that is other than a West Ham win).

Firstly, there was the Hartson, Berko thing at Chadwell Heath and I am so glad that I had just written when this incident crept, then grew and grew until it snowballed into a media frenzy. I mean the kick was even shown on Channel 4 news, where I'm sure 90% of the viewers there don't even know where West Ham/Upton Park is, let alone know it has a football team. To briefly add my thoughts here on KUMB, I was appalled as I think every one else was. It was a really bizarre incident and the way Berko ran away from Hartson after scoring at Charlton (more of that later), I think he, like us, will take a long time to forgive SJH (yes that is Stupid). I don't know about anyone else but I find it really odd to see West Ham on the telly these days (even on Match of The Day), so yet again to find my team (our team) a talking point over morning tea in the office was somewhat of a surprise. I tried my best to keep a low profile due to the embarrassment of it all, but I failed miserably.

Which brings us on nicely to Blackburn. I for some reason can't think of the last time we beat Blackburn in the league, and along with Liverpool and Newcastle I look to these away weekends with the "oh well there go the 3 points then" attitude. So what a pleasant surprise last year was, with a super goal from Stan, and the beating of Blackburn on penalties of all things. With a sound 3-0 stuffing under the belt and a god awful performance from everyone I got back on with normal life, knowing that the next weekend brought the league leaders - and with them girlfriend beater - to Fortress Upton Park. The day of the Villa game was also my Birthday and I was joined in the Green Man by several Internet Irons and friends alike, we had a few beers before the game (and I was taught a lesson at table football by "super striker" Don Peretta).

Two hours after leaving the Green Man, another 0-0, and again I think we were lucky to get away with it. The highlight of the afternoon for me was seeing the Internet Irons in the Match day program . I can't remember who pointed it out but the picture featured the Internet Irons (winners of a football tournament the weekend earlier) and the runners up, Coventry, with both teams singing (with some energy I might add) "Sh*t on the Villa (below)". We proved to be very fast learners and sung several verses in the bar with them later on. The rest of the Villa game for me was yet again an anti-climax, with some very surprising substitutions from our illustrious manager. Berko and Wright off yet again - I don't know about anyone else , but this is really beginning to concern and confuse me. I think there were 20 odd thousand people in the Boleyn ground who knew who should have come off (he used to be ginger and likes fighting things considerably smaller than he, ie. plant pots and small Israelies).

After the game a few more beers in the Boleyn pub then onto Islington as I wanted to enjoy my birthday somewhere out of the city. I don't actually remember that much, but as usual thanks to those who got me there and to Simon E, who probably against his better judgement let me die in his living room for the night. In true O'Rourke style I spent the Sunday doing exactly the same again, only gaining consciousness at 4.10am Monday morning in my hallway (I live in Cambridge). How I got home I have absolutely no idea.

My first week of being the grand old age of 25 passed relatively quietly (I don't think I could have managed anymore beer). That is until the Thursday night, when I was joined by your web site host Graeme for an evening of bands and beer here in Cambridge.

Gray and I went to see Mansun, a band who were in all honesty very average, but with teenage youthful exuberance we leapt about in the mosh - or at least that‘s what I used to call it - and we made the most of what was to hand. We then hit the quietest club in probably the Whole of the Northern Hemisphere let alone Cambridge for a few beers, some Stone Roses and Tequila. God knows what time we eventually got to mine and then to sleep (well it was after 3.20am as I saw an email from me the next day) but it was a damned good laugh. I did exactly the same drunken thing on Friday, going to the same club for the second time in my life (Thursday being the first in my 25 years), only upon leaving the club this time I fell in an amazing comedy fashion down some stairs as the result of slipping in some one elses (dropped) chips and Mayonnaise.

So whilst many of you were upright listening to the Charlton game (or even there getting soaked) I was prostrate on the floor for the whole of Saturday. What a terrible result, again terrible substitutions and perhaps player choice. Most of the topic of conversation in the West Ham world this week has been concerned with every ones hero, Julian Dicks. What is he doing playing left wing back? Is it his choice, Harry's choice, Hobsons bloody choice? I don't know and I think if you asked Harry I don't think he would know either. Julian was murdered again down the left by a total unknown outside of Charlton circles. He can't play there, he just can't, whether he is fit or not (if not why is he in the side). He shouldn't be playing wing-back, for Christ's sake he doesn't train, he hasn't even got real legs anymore. What frustrates me is that Julian is an idol at this club, I don't want his memory to be tainted by this new, well position in his career. If I was Harry which I'm not (thank God as I think my daughter in law would get the right hump with my advances upon her) I couldn't and wouldn't play Julian there, especially when we bought Keller to play exactly this wing back role (and the times I have seen him this season, wing back or not he has looked ok). Julian should either be rested or moved inside, because he is not, was not, and never will be a wing back.

To make matters worse for us Tottenham are now on the up with George Graham at the helm, a move I find most bizarre. Graham must be a very bitter man; to have almost bled Arsenal all his football life to then join the Tott's is quite a turn around. I can only wish him, er well, okay I hope they go down, will that do?

Lastly (ok almost lastly) a big shout to Cambridge United, their players and supporters for a fantastic game played at the sh*tty ground in the Coca Cola Cup on Tuesday night (anyone remember what that is then?). Well done Tottenham, only time I'll probably say that, just like the Murphy's I am. I went along as I mentioned in my last article and what value for money I got. Unlike our visit to the sh*tty ground where I forgot everyone I was with's tickets (but that‘s another story) for twelve quid I got over 2 hours of entertainment all at the expense of the F'worders. Cambridge were 3-0 down with about 20 min‘s to go and managed to pull it back to 3 all. I haven't seen such a come back, even if it was against poor opposition. They (Cambridge) did lower league football proud, only going out on penalties, but it was a great night none the less.

Newcastle this Saturday and I am not hopeful. I'm going to Upton Park to watch the game in the Thames Lounge (don't you know). I have to say I'm looking forward to the company of friends more than the game as I think we could be in for another away defeat, here's hoping when we speak again I'm proved wrong.

Please note that the opinions expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily represent the views of, nor should be attributed to, KUMB.com.

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