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John Moncur - Football Genius

Filed: Wednesday, 15th September 1999
By: Dan O`Rourke

"Hi, my name's Stereo Mike, what the hell am I doing drinking in L.A", hell I'm not even 26, or L.A for that matter.

Anyhow enough of that and my seemingly unassailable ability to be beaten by the computer at chess. I'll have the swine. I have things to discuss, namely John Moncur, the Paul Weller of the football world - finally he has come of age.

When I realised John wasn't with the team in Finland (remember Martine stalked all the players) I thought our Johnny boy's chips were in, he had played his last for our claret and blue. But wait a minute - perhaps the John Moncur we knew (and indeed loved) had been abducted by the Blurbs (TM), a strange alien force who are indeed in league with the devil ...

A strange mystic cult, the Blurbs (TM) are responsible for all evil in the world - stay with me here - but for the past decade I have suffered the wrath of these small cuddly creatures of Satan almost alone, discovered by a friend nearly 9 years ago. It didn't take long to work out the Blurbs (TM) strange and over complicated masterplan of misery and false promises. First things seem to be going well, infact too well, and then it happens - the misery and the derisory powers of the Blurbs (TM) are released.

Take for example ManUres inactivity during the 80's; the rest of the footballing world basking in the glorious inability of their most hated enemy (or second most). Then just when we had almost forgotten them and gone onto hating such footballing powers as Blackburn Rovers, (remmber them? They used to have a pretty tasty striker, that was until the Blurbs (TM) made Newcastle pay 15 million quid for him and turned him shit in the process) back they (ManUre) came and now we have them and their fans crawling out from every damp, rotten, putrid place, much like the same place the silver fish that randomly appear under my stairs must live.

They are a complicated creature the Blurbs (TM), and they are both contradictory and cyclical, after all doesn't everything that goes round come round? Take the British Empire. The Blurbs (TM) built it up then knocked it down, look at the misery caused by the fact England won the 1966 World Cup - we haven't stopped thinking we'll win something since - it was all the Blurbs (TM) doing this, I tell you.

Anyhow getting slightly back on track, old John (Egg and Cress) Monc's has just come back the most fantastic, committed midfielder. He has been ever present since his appearance against Herenveen. I had the Metz away game taped for me and not only did I see Johnny boy drag back, get in two footed challenges, but also track back and pass 30 yard crossfield balls - it was amazing. There have even been discussions about who is going to wear the number 16 the next time the Internet Irons play; what more of an honour could any man want, infact perhaps when I played up front for the I'I's against Luton earlier this year (in the number 16 jersey) I was posessed by the ghost of Moncur season future; I cack-handidly set up two goals (didn't tackle mind).

So once again, avoid the Blurbs (TM) and raise your glasses to John Moncur, the Boleyns newest (and probably oldest) midfield genius!

Please note that the opinions expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily represent the views of, nor should be attributed to, KUMB.com.

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