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Digital Nonsense and Other Stories


Filed: Saturday, 2nd October 1999
By: Graeme Howlett


Two games since the last report; a win at home to Osijek and defeat at Everton.

Clever git that I am I thought I'd save 25 by watching the Osijek game in front of the TV instead of the floodlights with the other 26,000 of you at the Boleyn. Not so clever git that I am I failed to sort out an alternative venue to watch the game until two hours before kick-off.

And why should I? Someone always has the game on somewhere. If nobody is watching at home there's always the rub-a-dub. No problem.

Ha. Despite ringing everyone I know before the game to try and ponce a spot on their sofa NO ONE, I repeat NO BLOODY ONE subscribes to Sky Digital. Period.

Okay I thought, what about the pub. No? The other one, No? Shit. That's that then.

So for the second game in a row I spent the evening with one eye on the baby and two ears on the radio. But it got worse. I was forced to listen to poxy Tottenham for the vast majority of the night (thanks Capital Gold). Believe me, when a baby is screaming in one ear and the Spurs are scoring in the other a man comes close to the edge. Frightening really ...

My melon was somewhat untwisted (man) by the final result, 3-0. Great goals - I was really pleased for Javier Margas who made the first; I think he's busting a gut trying to fit in and repair the damage done last season - good luck to him. Yep, another for Wanchope - told you he was doin' it. PDC couldn't miss, and Frank's goal (wonderfully assisted by Sincs) was the icing on the cake.

Which brings us to this weekend. Now as you all know we never, ever get a result at Goodison Park. Last years 6-0 sticks in the throat, but not as much as the 3-2 defeat in '86 which cost us second place in the league in the final game of the season. Anyway, I digress ...

I was surprised just how many people thought we were going to do a number up there - out of fifty odd entries in the Prediction League only two went for an Everton win. Those who were there tell me that we were way below par, and Everton deserved the points - although it was a terrible way to lose the game wasn't it? Still, Shaka has been superb again this season, so I guess we'll have to allow him the odd blunder.

Annoying though as a win would have seen us go second - instead where are we? Bloody eighth. Such is the nature of the early season League table though; with our games in hand we could still be second.

So how far can this side go? The first whispers of a possible Championship have been heard uttered in the darkest recesses of the Bobby Moore Lower bogs, but even being super optimistic I think that one may elude us for a while yet.

But can we go one better than last year? Well looking at the opposition I don't see too much to bother us. As much as I hate to say it Man.U and Arsenal will finish above us. But we ain't far away from the rest.

Chelsea are lacking the one thing that all Champions need - a top quality striker. Flo can't play a full game and Sutton simply isn't good enough, 10m or not. Leeds are our nearest rivals as far as I can see - but can their limited squad sustain a full League programme as well as a good European run?

The rest? Liverpool - not this year I'm afraid Mr.Houllier (have you seen the eyes on that geezer - spooky or what?) Villa? Not as strong as last year. Spurs? Mr.Graham appears to be slowly working his magic again but he knows he needs at least three quality signings to make them serious players. Newcastle? One swallow does not a summer make.

My underdogs for this season are Everton. I rate Walter Smith as a manager, and I reckon they'll pull off a few shocks this year - watch out for them in the cups.

To summarise I think we could well eclipse last seasons finish. Who knows, we could even make the 'Champions' League at this rate.

Nou Camp on a Wednesday night next year anyone?

New Millenium, New KUMB

As you will have realised by now kumb has undergone something of a transformation over the course of the last few days. Believe me, it really is a huge task - every page (and there's bloody loads!) has to be redesigned completely - and it's taking forever!

New features of the new kumb include the news section (updated every morning) and direct links to live web broadcasts of Hammers matches.

Soapbox time - I really think Planet (who run the official website) take the piss charging a subscription to listen to their web commentaries - especially as the quality is absolutely appalling (and the commentator sounds like he's sitting in a kharzi) - has anyone managed to listen to a full 90 minutes without interruption?

So, if there are any free broadcasts to be found, rest assured the links will be on kumb well in time for the game.

If there's anything you think would be suitable for kumb why not drop me a mail and let me know. We're always looking for ways to improve the site, so all contributions will be greatly appreciated.


Please note that the opinions expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily represent the views of, nor should be attributed to, KUMB.com.





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