Anything goes in The Snug, General Discussion's rebellious little brother. An off-topic den of iniquity where any subject not covered elsewhere may be discussed. Well, anything except golf, Star Wars and Arsenal.
Shopping for a BBQ, I had a trolley full of food, & a second full of beer. Stood waiting at the checkout, when a little old lady with 3 items in her basket joined the queue behind me.
Being a decent citizen, I felt obliged to do the decent thing.
So I said to her "Piss off to another till love, I'll be ages"
Two men are playing golf. One of them is about to take a swing when a funeral procession appears on the road next to the course. He stops mid-swing, takes off his cap, closes his eyes, and bows his head in contemplation.
His opponent comments: "That must be the most touching thing I’ve ever seen. You are a very spiritual man." The man, recovering himself, replies, "Yeah, well we were married for 35 years."
Went to the cafe this morning and the part of the menu read:
Ham sandwich £2
Cheese sandwich £3
Hand job £10
just as i finished reading that the most beautiful women walked from behind the counter, long blonde hair, big tits, stunning face a real 10/10
i asked her "are you the one that gives the hand jobs?"
she replied "yes i am"
i replied "well can you wash your hands please i want a ham sandwich"
Dissatisfied with the level of comfort, he starts designing and building improvements. After a while, Hell has air conditioning, flush toilets and escalators. The engineer is a pretty popular guy.
One day God calls and asks Satan, "So, how's it going down there?"
Satan says, "Hey things are going great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."
God is horrified. "What? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake - he should never have gone down there! You know all engineers go to Heaven. Send him up here! "
Satan says, "No way. I like having an engineer on the staff. I'm keeping him."
God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue."
"Yeah, right," Satan laughs, "and where are you going to get a lawyer?
I was in Tesco's yesterday doing my shopping and the cashier asked this foreign couple in front of me if they wanted help packing their bags. I thought blimey, this is happening quicker than I expected!
So I was at my bank yesterday standing in the queue, and there was an older Asian lady standing at the counter.
She was clearly a bit deaf as the bank teller was speaking loudly to her.
She says "I no understand. Yesterday I get one hundra yen for 1 pound. Today I only get 95 yen for 1 pound; what go on? You try cheat me?"
The bank teller says "sorry madam, it's all about fluctuations"
The woman says "just gimme my money, and fluck you whities too"
I was in a really posh futuristic hotel last week, it even had a teleporter
how does it work? I asked.
just tell him what you want to watch and he'll change the chanel for you
