The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

[uptonparkhurst]

Burningham - that's QUALITY!!

[Suffolk Iron]

I got a bit fed up with all the horrible things being said about Katie Price, so I decided to send her a prresent to show that not everyone is against her.

On Amazon, I saw a large scented candle, ordered it to be delivered as agift,

it arrived back five days later with a note saying "It made my fa##y itch!"

[ageing hammer]

I got a bit fed up with all the horrible things being said about Katie Price, so I decided to send her a prresent to show that not everyone is against her.

On Amazon, I saw a large scented candle, ordered it to be delivered as agift,

it arrived back five days later with a note saying "It made my fa##y itch!"

It must have been an old flame.

[lewisham-mer]

Whats the difference between a tea bag and the england team?


a tea bag stays in the cup longer.

[ageing hammer]

What genius put an "S" in the word lisp

[psychoscoredthelot]

When England said they were coming to make a point at this years World Cup, this wasn't what i thought they meant.

[psychoscoredthelot]

I got on the bus the other day and said to the driver, "Return, please."
"Where to?" he asked.
"Poland, you c~*nt."

[psychoscoredthelot]

I've just seen some Muslims burning the England flag outside of an army recruitment centre.

God, they take the World Cup way too serious.

[psychoscoredthelot]

So, Coronation Street are going to do a storyline which will see 12 year old Faye Windass get pregnant.

I was wondering how they were going to bring Ken Barlow back in.

[ageing hammer]

So, Coronation Street are going to do a storyline which will see 12 year old Faye Windass get pregnant.

I was wondering how they were going to bring Ken Barlow back in.

It's going to be sqeaky bum time for the Miss Windass

[Dover KUMB fan]

Luis Suarez has requested a transfer to Bayern Munich. He told a press conference that he cant wait to try shoulder of Lahm.

[uptonparkhurst]

As a child I was always very fond of MECCANO.
Imagine my joy to discover they have a website.
Imagine my disappointment upon discovering that the "site is still under construction"

[lewisham-mer]

A 7 year old boy was at the centre of a courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged the court's ruling over who should get custody of him.

The boy had a history of being beaten by his parents, so in keeping with family law and regulations which suggests keeping him within the family, his aunt was awarded custody.

The boy surprised the court when he told them that his aunt beat him more than his parents and adamantly refused to live with her.

The judge then suggested that he lived with his grandparents. Tbe boy told the court that they beat him on a regular basis too.

After considering placing the boy with other various family members, and discovering that beatings were a regular way of life, the judge took the unprecedented step and asked the boy who he would like to stay with.

After two recesses to check legal references and confer with child welfare officers, the judge granted temporary custody to the England football team whom the boy firmly believed were unable to beat anybody.

[Dover KUMB fan]

An older lady decided to give herself a big treat for her 70th
birthday by staying overnight in a really nice hotel.

When she checked out the next morning, the desk clerk handed her a
bill for £250.00.

She demanded to know why the charge was so high.

"I agree it's a nice hotel, but the rooms aren't worth £250.00 for
just an overnight stay!

I didn't even have breakfast."

The clerk told her that £250.00 is the 'standard rate', and
breakfast had been included had she wanted it.

She insisted on speaking to the Manager.

The Manager appeared and, forewarned by the desk clerk, announced:

"This hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference centre
which are available for use."

"But I didn't use them," she said.

''Well, they are here, and you could have," explained the Manager.

He went on to explain that she could also have seen one of the
in-hotel shows for which they were so famous.

"We have the best entertainers from the world over performing here,"
the Manager said.

"But I didn't go to any of those shows," she said."Well, we have
them, and you could have," the Manager replied.

No matter what amenity the Manager mentioned, she replied, "But I
didn't use it!"and the Manager countered with his standard response.

After several minutes discussion, and with the Manager still
unmoved, she decided to pay, wrote a check and gave it to him.

The Manager was surprised when he looked at the check. "But madam,
this check is for £50.00."

"That's correct I charged you £200.00 for sleeping with me," she
replied.

"But I didn't!" exclaimed the very surprised Manager.

"Well, too bad, I was here, and you could have."


Don't mess with Senior Citizens

[West Ham Dave]

I wonder if Jeremy Irons ever quietly smiles to himself as he does the ironing?

[West Ham Dave]

Since hearing that Luis Suarez has been banned from any football-related activity.

Tottenham Hotspur are reportedly showing immediate interest.

[Dover KUMB fan]

Thanks Rolf, We need to do some serious rebranding.
Everyone now thinks this stands for Kiddie Fiddling C..t

[lewisham-mer]

In light of recent events, this week's episode of Animal Hospital where Rolf explains how to handle a young beaver has now been cancelled.

[Dover KUMB fan]

On that note did he have free access in the animal hospital, & keys to the mortuary?

[trick88]

Three men are stranded on an island when out of nowhere a genie appears!
As there is three of them he grants them all one wish..

The first man says he would like to be back in his local boozer..

Pooof.. Straight away he is back sipping a pint.

Second man wishes he was back at home with his family, seconds later he's back with his feet up...

The third man feeling lonely now says to the Genie, i just wish i had my mates back....