The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

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Dover KUMB fan
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Dover KUMB fan »

don't burst my bubble wrote:My mate has just come back from Africa and he can't stop buying raffle tickets.


I think he's got Tombola
I thought they had banned the playing of online bingo to stop the spread of Tombola.
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ageing hammer
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by ageing hammer »

don't burst my bubble wrote:My mate has just come back from Africa and he can't stop buying raffle tickets.


I think he's got Tombola
The chance of finding a cure is like a lottery
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by psychoscoredthelot »

"If you eat much more of that you're going to explode!" said my wife to our young son, as he shovelled in another mouthful of bacon.

Of course, statistically, he's far more likely to explode if he never eats any bacon at all.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by psychoscoredthelot »

saved £463 on my car insurance today.



Now I've just got to hope that I don't get pulled over in the next 12 months.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by psychoscoredthelot »

I was the first person to install trampolines in musician's tour buses and now everybody is jumping on the bandwagon.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by psychoscoredthelot »

Past, Present and Future walked into a Bar




It was tense
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by psychoscoredthelot »

My teacher said, "If you have two apples and, when you get home, your father gives you one... What have you got?"

I said, "Two apples and a sore ar5e, Sir."
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Rocketron »

psychoscoredthelot wrote:"If you eat much more of that you're going to explode!" said my wife to our young son, as he shovelled in another mouthful of bacon.

Of course, statistically, he's far more likely to explode if he never eats any bacon at all.
Why ?
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by SalopHammer »

Hmmm, kinda falls down on the non-racist requirement that dig at our middle-eastern friends !
chunky
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by chunky »

When i was in spain recently i was on a packed beach and i see this tall african fella selling trinkets and wood carvings I went up to him and said i have lost my wife i will give you 500 euros if you find her he said what is her name i said Ivy Bowler . After 10 seconds of him
shouting her name i had the beach all to myself
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Bamber Gascoigne »

FFS :lol:
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Burningaham »

A man and his wife were getting a divorce at a local court in Greece, but the custody of their children posed a problem. The mother jumped to her feet and protested to the judge that since she had brought the children into this world, she should retain custody of them.

The man also wanted custody of his children, so the judge asked for his side of the story.After a long moment of silence, the man rose from his chair and replied:

"Your Honour, when I put a coin into a vending machine, and a Coke comes out, does the Coke belong to
me or to the machine?"
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Burningaham »

The lawyer says to his client, the CEO of a large corporation, “I have some good news and some bad news.”


The CEO replies: “I’ve had a truly awful day, so let's hear the good news first.”
The lawyer says: “Your wife invested $20,000 in five pictures which are worth a minimum of $2 million.”

The CEO replies enthusiastically: “Well done, that’s very good news indeed! You’ve made my day. Now, what’s the bad news?”

The lawyer answers: “The pictures are of you in bed with your secretary.”
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ageing hammer
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by ageing hammer »

:D
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Dover KUMB fan »

My new girlfriend Jean is a dental nurse. Loves giving blow jobs & smoking pot.
She is known as Oral High Jean.

Coat? :oops:
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by psychoscoredthelot »

My girlfriend asked me what she should be for Halloween.

I said, "Slimmer."
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by trick88 »

One day in a Texan bar, a man walks in to find a tiny man playing a tiny piano.

Stunned, the man asked the bartender where he got this amazing little person. The bartender replied that inside the closet there is a genie that can grant you just one wish!

The man quickly runs over to this closet and sat there was a bright blue genie! Without hesitation the man wished for 10 million bucks! The genie nods in acceptance and instantly 10 millions ducks appear.

The man goes back to the bartender and says "I think your genie is hard of hearing, instead of 10 million bucks i got 10 million ducks!"

The bartender shook his head and said "You're telling me.. Do you really think i asked for a 10 inch pianist!?"
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by OFT »

Dyslexic Liverpool fans are hoping the club will sign Dutch Manchester United striker...Van Robbing Percy





Taxi!
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ageing hammer
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by ageing hammer »

:D
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by shakawakahislop »

Congratulations West Ham,
 
The only club named after two things that ISIS hate.
 
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