The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
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- OFT
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- Hammertapp
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
:lol:Bamber Gascoigne wrote:"Excuse me," I said to the woman sat in front of me on the bus, "I'm sorry to trouble you, but I think you have some semen on the back of your jacket."
"I'm sure it's not semen," she said, "It's probably yoghurt."
"It's definitely semen," I said, "I don't ejaculate yoghurt."
- DoubleDave
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
Two Thai girls asked me if I wanted to sleep with them. They said it would be like winning the lottery. To my horror they were right... we had 6 matching balls.
- DoubleDave
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
We used to have empires ruled by emperors. We used to have kingdoms ruled by kings.
Now we have countries.
Now we have countries.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
Watched my first porn film this evening. God I was good looking back then.
- Sauce!
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
Went to the doctors the other day and he told me I was colour blind.
Talk about a bolt out of the orange.
Talk about a bolt out of the orange.
- Dover KUMB fan
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
Batman is dictating his memoirs.
While reminiscing about a fight with the joker. Batman says:
"He had me cornered, so I picked up a teapot & T'pau !! Knocked him clean out.
His writer asked "did you mean K'pow ?"
"No, I had China in my hand"
While reminiscing about a fight with the joker. Batman says:
"He had me cornered, so I picked up a teapot & T'pau !! Knocked him clean out.
His writer asked "did you mean K'pow ?"
"No, I had China in my hand"
- jevs
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
Thought I'd hire a hitman to get rid of the wife.
He want's £10,000 to do the job. I said to to him "How are you going to kill her?" He replied "I'm going to aim a quarter of an inch below her left nipple then fire one bullet!"
I said " I want her dead not kneecapped!"
He want's £10,000 to do the job. I said to to him "How are you going to kill her?" He replied "I'm going to aim a quarter of an inch below her left nipple then fire one bullet!"
I said " I want her dead not kneecapped!"
- Sauce!
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
I slept with a deaf mute girl the other day. Afterwards I felt so ashamed I cut her hands off so she couldn't tell anyone.
- prince_huggy
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- Hammer1972
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
Came home from work and the wife was nowhere to be seen.
Then I saw a note on the fridge. It read
"This isn't working. I'm going to stay with my mother."
So I opened the door - the light came on and the beer was still cold. No idea what she's on about.
Then I saw a note on the fridge. It read
"This isn't working. I'm going to stay with my mother."
So I opened the door - the light came on and the beer was still cold. No idea what she's on about.
- Sauce!
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
Scientists have discovered a human jawbone that is over 2 million years old.
They believe it belonged to a woman as it was still moving.
They believe it belonged to a woman as it was still moving.
- Rocketron
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
I was going to tell my Mrs this one but she isn't home yet.Hammer1972 wrote:Came home from work and the wife was nowhere to be seen.
Then I saw a note on the fridge. It read
"This isn't working. I'm going to stay with my mother."
So I opened the door - the light came on and the beer was still cold. No idea what she's on about.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
Did you hear about the chameleon who couldn't change colour?
He had a reptile dysfunction
He had a reptile dysfunction
- ageing hammer
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
lewisham-mer wrote:Did you hear about the chameleon who couldn't change colour?
He had a reptile dysfunction
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
When I was in the pub the other night I overheard a couple of blokes saying that they wouldn't feel safe on an aircraft if they knew the pilot was female.
What a pair of sexist pigs....I mean, it's not as if she'd have to reverse the bloody thing!
What a pair of sexist pigs....I mean, it's not as if she'd have to reverse the bloody thing!
- Dover KUMB fan
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
Prince Charles is visiting. Glasgow hospital. He enters a ward full of patients and greets one. The patient replies: "Fair fa you honest sonsie face, Great chieftan I the puddin race, Aboon them a ye take yer place , painch , tripe or thairm, As langs my airm." HRH is confused, so he moves onto the next patient. The patient responds: "Some hae meat a canna eat it, And some wad eat, so let the Lord be thank it ". Even more confused the Prince moves on ti the next patient, who immediately begins to chant: "We sleekit , cowerin, timrous, beasty, O the panic in thy breasty, Thou needna start awa sae hastie , wi bickering Brattle" Now seriously troubled , Charles turns to the accompanying doctor and asks "is this the psychiatric ward?" "No, No" replies the doctor, "This is the serious Burn's unit"
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
My dad worked on the roadwork's for twenty years before he got fired for stealing!
At first I didn't believe it.... But when I got home all the signs were there.
At first I didn't believe it.... But when I got home all the signs were there.
- vietnammer
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