The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

[trick88]

A farmer ordered a high-tech milking machine. Since the equipment arrived when his wife was out of town, he decided to test it on himself first.

So, he inserted his "manhood" into the equipment, turned on the switch and everything else was automatic.

Soon, he realised that the equipment provided him with much more pleasure than his wife ever had. When the fun was over, though, he quickly realised that he couldn't remove the instrument from his 'member'.

He read the manual but didn't find any useful information on how to disengage himself. He tried every button on the instrument, but still without success. Finally, he decided to call the suppliers

Customer Service Hot Line with his mobile..

"Hello, I just bought a milking machine from your company. It works fantastic, but how do I remove it from the cow's udder?"

"Don't worry," replied the customer service rep, "The machine will release automatically once it's collected ten litres. Have a nice day."

[ageing hammer]

[lewisham-mer]

Tonight, and for one night only...

Live from Eastbourne


Arcade Fire

[Hammerted]

The Judge asked the prostitute,

'So when did you realize you'd been raped?'

The Prostitute, wiping her tears, replied,

'when the check bounced.'

Reminds me of the woman who walked into a police station and says "I've just been graped".

"Don't you mean raped?" asks the Desk Sergeant.

"No" replies the woman, "There was a bunch of them"

[OFT]

I was at the cash machine yesterday when a little old lady asked me to check her balance so I gave her a shove and said 'not very good dear.'

[trick88]

Reminds me of the woman who walked into a police station and says "I've just been graped".

"Don't you mean raped?" asks the Desk Sergeant.

"No" replies the woman, "There was a bunch of them"

:lol:

[DoubleDave]

"Tower Hamlets's Muslim mayor sparked a storm of protest tonight after raising the Palestinian flag over the town hall, in solidarity with Gaza"

I can't wait to see how the Mayor of Tottenham responds to this one.

[Georgee Paris]

"Tower Hamlets's Muslim mayor sparked a storm of protest tonight after raising the Palestinian flag over the town hall, in solidarity with Gaza"

I can't wait to see how the Mayor of Tottenham responds to this one.

I thought Tottenham fans still love Gaza..

[ageing hammer]

Georgee

[ageing hammer]

I always thought the Gaza Strip was a Newcastle United kit.

[trick88]

I always thought the Gaza Strip was a Newcastle United kit.

Or a powdery white line..

[vietnammer]

Heard about the prawn who went to the disco and pulled a mussel?

[kesh]

Blind man walks into a bar.

[kesh]

A pal of mine is addicted to brake fluid, says he can stop at anytime.

[kesh]

Man goes to the BBC for a audition, as he thinks he'd be perfect for a new show. The receptionist says: "sorry sir, I think there has been a misunderstanding, the show is called Fact Hunt."

[psychoscoredthelot]

Katie price wants to make a movie about her life " Three Men and a window licking baby" will be released next spring!

[DoubleDave]

Katie price wants to make a movie about her life " Three Men and a window licking baby" will be released next spring!

Surely in her case it would be called " Three men and Whose the Daddy?"

[DoubleDave]

One of the toddlers on the Intensive Care Unit is playing with a toy donkey.

ICU baby, shaking that ass.

[Dover KUMB fan]

I ate 4 cans of Alphabet spagetti for breakfast...
So I am expecting a massive vowel movement later.

[vietnammer]

I ate 4 cans of Alphabet spaghetti for breakfast...
So I am expecting a massive vowel movement later.

I hope so, or you'll be consonated



(not bad eh? eh? go on, admit it)