The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
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- psychoscoredthelot
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
Decided to quit dogging so put I've put all my gear on eBay.....
no buyers yet but I've got a lot of watchers.....
no buyers yet but I've got a lot of watchers.....
- psychoscoredthelot
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
After studying journalism at college for seven years, I got a lucrative trial internship with the London Times.
The editor came to me on my third day and said, "I've gotten you an exclusive one-on-one interview with Nelson Mandela for your very first assignment. Whatever you do, don't f*** this up."
Later that week, I was shown to a hotel room where Nelson Mandela was waiting. All of my hard work and studying had paid off for this moment.
I said, "Mr. Mandela, I'm pleased to meet you. Now firstly, I'd like to ask you about your time in prison."
"What would you like to know, young man?"
"How the hell did Andy Dufresne dig that tunnel for 20 years without anyone finding out?"
The editor came to me on my third day and said, "I've gotten you an exclusive one-on-one interview with Nelson Mandela for your very first assignment. Whatever you do, don't f*** this up."
Later that week, I was shown to a hotel room where Nelson Mandela was waiting. All of my hard work and studying had paid off for this moment.
I said, "Mr. Mandela, I'm pleased to meet you. Now firstly, I'd like to ask you about your time in prison."
"What would you like to know, young man?"
"How the hell did Andy Dufresne dig that tunnel for 20 years without anyone finding out?"
- psychoscoredthelot
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
I hate my job, quality control at the strobe-light factory.
I'm busy working like a nutter, and everyone else is just ****ing standing still.
I'm busy working like a nutter, and everyone else is just ****ing standing still.
- psychoscoredthelot
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
I phoned my wife earlier and asked her if she wanted me to pick up pie and mash on my way home from West Ham but she just grunted at me.
I think she still regrets letting me name the twins.
I think she still regrets letting me name the twins.
- Dover KUMB fan
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
So tonight after work, I'm going to dig up the time capsule that I buried when I was a kid.
I cant wait to see how much the puppy has grown
I cant wait to see how much the puppy has grown
- Sauce!
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
I surveyed 100 women and asked them what shampoo they used whilst showering.
98% of them said "How the f*** did you get in here?!"
98% of them said "How the f*** did you get in here?!"
- psychoscoredthelot
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
:lol:Sauce! wrote:I surveyed 100 women and asked them what shampoo they used whilst showering.
98% of them said "How the f*** did you get in here?!"
- Dover KUMB fan
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
Out walking the dog yesterday in the park.
Some old bag shouted at me "I hope you are going to pick that crap up!"
I shouted back "Well give me a chance, I haven't wiped my backside yet"
Some old bag shouted at me "I hope you are going to pick that crap up!"
I shouted back "Well give me a chance, I haven't wiped my backside yet"
- Sauce!
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
A French man has died whilst training to be a sky diver.
A spokesperson from the English School of Sky Diving have said they have no idea why his flippers and snorkel didn't open.
A spokesperson from the English School of Sky Diving have said they have no idea why his flippers and snorkel didn't open.
- Le Rascal de Boleyn
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
Her: Babe, come over!
Him: Can't. Having a threesome with an older couple.
Her: My parents aren't home.
Him: I know.
Him: Can't. Having a threesome with an older couple.
Her: My parents aren't home.
Him: I know.
- ageing hammer
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
Le Rascal de Boleyn wrote:Her: Babe, come over!
Him: Can't. Having a threesome with an older couple.
Her: My parents aren't home.
Him: I know.
- Le Rascal de Boleyn
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
Doctor: Sir. It looks like your wife has been run over by a truck.
Man: I know, but she has a great personality.
Doctor: what?!?
Man: I know, but she has a great personality.
Doctor: what?!?
- psychoscoredthelot
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
My driving instructor told me, NEVER brake if there's an animal in the road.
You should have seen the look on the copper's face as I knocked him off his horse.
You should have seen the look on the copper's face as I knocked him off his horse.
- psychoscoredthelot
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
The UK Government has said that Scotland could end up as a Third World country if they try and vote again for independence.
I don't know if things will improve to that extent, but you never know.
I don't know if things will improve to that extent, but you never know.
- psychoscoredthelot
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
My grandfather was on the Titanic.
As far as i know, He still is.
As far as i know, He still is.
- ageing hammer
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
A bear and a rabbit are taking a crap in a field when the bear asks the rabbit
" You know when you are taking a crap does the shiit every stick to your fur "
The rabbit replies " why no it never does "
So the bear picks up the rabbit and wipes his arse with him.
" You know when you are taking a crap does the shiit every stick to your fur "
The rabbit replies " why no it never does "
So the bear picks up the rabbit and wipes his arse with him.
- Sauce!
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
If shit doesn't stick to the rabbit's fur then wiping your arse with a rabbit won't get your arse clean.ageing hammer wrote:A bear and a rabbit are taking a crap in a field when the bear asks the rabbit
" You know when you are taking a crap does the shiit every stick to your fur "
The rabbit replies " why no it never does "
So the bear picks up the rabbit and wipes his arse with him.
It would be more like smearing your own shit over your own arse, like with the IZAL toilet paper you used to get in the good old days.
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- Tenbury
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- psychoscoredthelot
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
Michael J Fox was arrested today for shoplifting.
Serves him right for trying to steal a tambourine.
Serves him right for trying to steal a tambourine.
- ageing hammer
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
ageing hammer wrote:A bear and a rabbit are taking a crap in a field when the bear asks the rabbit
" You know when you are taking a crap does the shiit every stick to your fur "
The rabbit replies " why no it never does "
So the bear picks up the rabbit and wipes his arse with him.
Sauce! wrote:
If shit doesn't stick to the rabbit's fur then wiping your arse with a rabbit won't get your arse clean.
On the contrary, a rabbits crap is hard pellets while a Bears motions are soft