The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

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psychoscoredthelot
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by psychoscoredthelot »

Decided to quit dogging so put I've put all my gear on eBay.....
no buyers yet but I've got a lot of watchers.....
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Post by psychoscoredthelot »

After studying journalism at college for seven years, I got a lucrative trial internship with the London Times.

The editor came to me on my third day and said, "I've gotten you an exclusive one-on-one interview with Nelson Mandela for your very first assignment. Whatever you do, don't f*** this up."

Later that week, I was shown to a hotel room where Nelson Mandela was waiting. All of my hard work and studying had paid off for this moment.

I said, "Mr. Mandela, I'm pleased to meet you. Now firstly, I'd like to ask you about your time in prison."

"What would you like to know, young man?"

"How the hell did Andy Dufresne dig that tunnel for 20 years without anyone finding out?"
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by psychoscoredthelot »

I hate my job, quality control at the strobe-light factory.

I'm busy working like a nutter, and everyone else is just ****ing standing still.
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Post by psychoscoredthelot »

I phoned my wife earlier and asked her if she wanted me to pick up pie and mash on my way home from West Ham but she just grunted at me.

I think she still regrets letting me name the twins.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Dover KUMB fan »

So tonight after work, I'm going to dig up the time capsule that I buried when I was a kid.
I cant wait to see how much the puppy has grown
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Sauce! »

I surveyed 100 women and asked them what shampoo they used whilst showering.

98% of them said "How the f*** did you get in here?!"
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by psychoscoredthelot »

Sauce! wrote:I surveyed 100 women and asked them what shampoo they used whilst showering.

98% of them said "How the f*** did you get in here?!"
:lol:
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Dover KUMB fan »

Out walking the dog yesterday in the park.
Some old bag shouted at me "I hope you are going to pick that crap up!"
I shouted back "Well give me a chance, I haven't wiped my backside yet"
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Sauce! »

A French man has died whilst training to be a sky diver.

A spokesperson from the English School of Sky Diving have said they have no idea why his flippers and snorkel didn't open.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Le Rascal de Boleyn »

Her: Babe, come over!
Him: Can't. Having a threesome with an older couple.
Her: My parents aren't home.
Him: I know.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by ageing hammer »

Le Rascal de Boleyn wrote:Her: Babe, come over!
Him: Can't. Having a threesome with an older couple.
Her: My parents aren't home.
Him: I know.
:D
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Le Rascal de Boleyn »

Doctor: Sir. It looks like your wife has been run over by a truck.
Man: I know, but she has a great personality.
Doctor: what?!?
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by psychoscoredthelot »

My driving instructor told me, NEVER brake if there's an animal in the road.

You should have seen the look on the copper's face as I knocked him off his horse.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by psychoscoredthelot »

The UK Government has said that Scotland could end up as a Third World country if they try and vote again for independence.

I don't know if things will improve to that extent, but you never know.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by psychoscoredthelot »

My grandfather was on the Titanic.













As far as i know, He still is.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by ageing hammer »

A bear and a rabbit are taking a crap in a field when the bear asks the rabbit

" You know when you are taking a crap does the shiit every stick to your fur "

The rabbit replies " why no it never does "


So the bear picks up the rabbit and wipes his arse with him.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Sauce! »

ageing hammer wrote:A bear and a rabbit are taking a crap in a field when the bear asks the rabbit

" You know when you are taking a crap does the shiit every stick to your fur "

The rabbit replies " why no it never does "


So the bear picks up the rabbit and wipes his arse with him.
If shit doesn't stick to the rabbit's fur then wiping your arse with a rabbit won't get your arse clean.

It would be more like smearing your own shit over your own arse, like with the IZAL toilet paper you used to get in the good old days. :eh:

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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Tenbury »

Which Tyler.........Leader of the Pedants' Revolt.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by psychoscoredthelot »

Michael J Fox was arrested today for shoplifting.

Serves him right for trying to steal a tambourine.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by ageing hammer »

ageing hammer wrote:A bear and a rabbit are taking a crap in a field when the bear asks the rabbit

" You know when you are taking a crap does the shiit every stick to your fur "

The rabbit replies " why no it never does "


So the bear picks up the rabbit and wipes his arse with him.
Sauce! wrote:
If shit doesn't stick to the rabbit's fur then wiping your arse with a rabbit won't get your arse clean.



On the contrary, a rabbits crap is hard pellets while a Bears motions are soft :wink:
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