|Anything goes in The Snug, the GD's rebellious little brother. An off-topic den of iniquity for non-football/news related musings.
I was playing footie with a few young chaps yesterday and as I am 52 couldn't keep up. Today I am looking for ways of stressing myself out because I saw in a magazine a headline that read:
"Stress can speed up ageing"
To be raed in a Cockney accent: What's the difference between a bison and a buffalo? You can wash your hands in a bison, but you can't wash your hands in a buffalo.
Remembering the name of the thread..
A German, a Pole and a Czech left camp for a hike through the woods.
After being reported missing a day or two later, rangers found two bears,
one a male, one a female, looking suspiciously overstuffed. They killed
the female, autopsied her, and sure enough, found the German and the Pole.
"What do you think?" said the the first ranger.
"The Czech is in the male," replied the second.
I went to a dentist the other day for an extraction. He said to me "a quick prick and I'll have you numb" so I punched his bloody lights out. Rule number one never have an extraction when your hearing aid batteries have just died.
Two Magistrates are done for speeding. They get their court date, but it's wrong. They're there a day early and nobody else is around. They decide to hear each others cases, so one goes on the bench, and one goes in the dock. The first one says, "You've been accused of speeding, how do you plead?" He says "Guilty." "OK" he said, "You're fined a fiver."
They swapped places. The first one says "You've been accused of speeding, how do you plead?" He says "Guilty." "OK" he said. "I'm giving you 6 months in prison." The other fella said "Hang on a minute, I only gave you a fine." He said "I know, but this is the second case of speeding we've had today and it's got to stop."
It really is a shame that Theo Walcott & Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain's families are not travelling to the Ukraine for fear of racial abuse. I am sure the FA could arrange for them to be in a different hotel to John Terry.
A mate of mine was telling me one of his "during the war " tales recently. He was serving in the Lebanon peace keeping force in the eighties. A lot of his fellow soldiers were a bit mutton and one night while he and another guy were on guard duty they heard someone approaching in the darkness.
His half deaf mate Paddy shouted out loudly " HALT WHO GOES THERE". A voice answered back " Militia"
A spooked Paddy shouted back " If you come one step closer I swear to Jesus I won't ****ing miss ya "
My vote for joke of the week. Added to my repertoire.
Two blokes were fighting outside a pub ,when one of them pulls out a gun and shoots the other one.The bullet hit him in the shoulder,passed right through him and hit a bystander,killling him stone dead.In court,the judge sentences the the gunman to 25yrs,then turns to the bloke that he shot at and says " and i sentence you to ten years in prison" "ten years" the bloke shouts" i,m innocent,i ain,t done nothin" ."Ain,t done nothing" says the judge,"it,s through you that poor man was shot dead"