The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

[tartanammer]

A Scotsman just started his own business in Afghanistan, He's making land mines that look like prayer mats, Prophets are going through the roof !

[tartanammer]

As i was walking past the prison the other day i noticed a rope ladder appear over the wall and then this midget began to climb down it. Just before he reached the bottom he looked at me in a rather smug, supercilious fashion. I thought, that was a little condescending

[biglee]

my ET joke is a no no as he's from a race not from this planet..

[biglee]

what do you call a deer with no eyes? no eyedia hahaha

what do you call a dead deer with no eyes? still no eyedia hahah


how many millwall supporters does it take to make a place look scumy with them in the area? 1 hahah

alan hanson is a d1-k... hahaha


spurs to get some silverware next season... hahaha


millwall to become championship winners..... hahaha



now thier crap

[ageing hammer]

what do you call a deer with no eyes? no eyedia hahaha

what do you call a dead deer with no eyes? still no eyedia hahah


how many millwall supporters does it take to make a place look scumy with them in the area? 1 hahah

alan hanson is a d1-k... hahaha


spurs to get some silverware next season... hahaha


millwall to become championship winners..... hahaha



now thier crap

True but at least they are not racist or even ........... jokes

[hammer]

Polish fans have been officially warned that if they cause any more trouble during Euro 2012 they will be deported back to the UK.

[Dover KUMB fan]

My girlfriend just asked me, "When we go to Egypt, can we go on a camel?"

I said, "Feck off, it would take ages to get there on a camel."

[Francoisvander or else]

A drunken welshman walks into his bedroom holding a sheep under his arm. He looks at his wife lying in the bed and says 'This is the pig I have sex with when you've got a headache'

The wife snaps back 'I'll think you'll find that's a sheep'

The husband replies 'I'll think you'll find I was talking to the sheep!'

[ageing hammer]

A drunken welshman walks into his bedroom holding a sheep under his arm. He looks at his wife lying in the bed and says 'This is the pig I have sex with when you've got a headache'

The wife snaps back 'I'll think you'll find that's a sheep'

The husband replies 'I'll think you'll find I was talking to the sheep!'

[Czech Hammer]

Apologies in advance for any offence caused to any homosexuals, Libyans or Queen Fans.

What did Freddie Mercury and Colonel Gadaffi have in common?
They both died after some bloke shot into their sewage pipe


Like I said. Sorry.

[shammy]

Reports are coming in that wayne rooney has tested positive for a performance enhancing rug

[trick88]

A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Amal". The other goes to a family in Spain, who name him "Juan". Years later Juan sends a picture of himself to his mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds: "They're twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

[trick88]

Pope Benedict XVI in an interview:
"I went to the UK. They asked me: Why do You come to UK?
I said: I come to UK to polish my English.
So they said to me: Your English is polish enough!"

[shammy]

My missus asked me if I had any fantasies.
I said, "I've got this one where we pretend that we're complete strangers and have never met..."
She said, "What, and you pick me up in some bar?"

I said, "No... Just the first bit."

[Czech Hammer]

On the subject of bars, I was sitting in one at the weekend, when this minger came upto me and started chatting me up. After the usual pleasantries, she went ''I see you're sitting here with your mates. Do they give you a nickname?'' I decided in an instant to tell her the truth. ''Yes, they call me sledge'' I said.
''Is that because you have the reputation of being a 'smooth ride' for the ladies?'' she asked, attempting to flick me a sexy nudge.
''No'' I said ''Its because, whenever we go out, I always get pulled by dogs''

[aboycalleddave]

My missus asked me if I had any fantasies.
I said, "I've got this one where we pretend that we're complete strangers and have never met..."
She said, "What, and you pick me up in some bar?"

I said, "No... Just the first bit."

Coffee, monitor moment

[trick88]

Whats brown and sticky?


Anal.



Whats red, brown and sticky?


That bloody stick again!

[ageing hammer]

The police cal to a guy on nightshift at 4am to tell him that they caught a burglar red handed leaving his house at 3am with a bag of swag. They had recovered all his belongings and asked him if he wanted to press charges.

The bloke said " No it don't matter if I have all my stuff back but one thing that might come in handy, could you ask him how did he manage to get into my house at that hour without waking my missus"

[russell2622]

What's the difference between Clint Eastwood and Anal sex?

Clint Eastwood makes your day Anal sex makes your whole week!

[ageing hammer]

Another Ageing hammer original coming up:


Sepp Blatter has given the franchise for the new goal line technology to a Scottish company. They are called..........................


Hawk Eye The New