monday's news 29th april includes west ham

An archive of Cockney Hammer's West Ham-related daily news digests from 2009-2015. For the latest daily digests, see the General Discussion Forum.

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Re: monday's news 29th april includes west ham

Post by aaronhammer »

Had to post this news story as my brothers best mate is the goalkeeper in the team, and one of my cricket team mates.

Rude player profiles appear in Hertfordshire cup final programme to leave fans crying foul
While the Skew Bridge profiles mentioned players’ footballing skills the AFC Boars portraits had altogether saucier biographies
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Mums and dads were crying foul before a cup final had even kicked off.

Fans of AFC Boars and Skew Bridge FC were shocked to find crude player profiles they would not want their children to read in the souvenir programme.

One of the AFC Boars pen pics read: “Recently became a proud father on the back of 2 minutes work. Easily excited, is constantly semi-aroused, likes uniforms.”

Another said: “Done more lines than Danniella Westbrook. Not been seen since the Savile case.”

Some profiles were too offensive to report.

In contrast, the Skew Bridge profiles mentioned players’ footballing skills such as keeping possession, holding the ball up and scoring important goals.

It is believed the descriptions of the Boars players were sent to the programme editor before the Hertfordshire FA Sunday Senior Cup final under the assumption they would be censored. But they were published untouched.

A Hertfordshire FA source said: “Clubs are asked to provide their own profiles for their players for the match day programme.

“Because it’s a final we like to make sure the players and fans have a decent souvenir to take home with them for the future.

“What looks like has happened here is the comments were emailed to the programme editor who simply ‘cut and pasted’ them without reading them. It’s embarrassing to say the least.”

Boars right-back Dan Hall, described as “the most ginger of the squad” said last night: “It’s all good fun – just a bit of banter between the lads. No one took any offence at all – it’s just the way we are with each other.”

Programme editor Karen Browne yesterday declined to comment and referred the Mirror to the Hertfordshire FA. No one there responded.

The match in Letchworth Garden City ended in a 2-1 win to Boars, who retain the trophy they won last year.


His profile read:
Lovechild of Vanessa Feltz and Roland from Grange Hill. Keeps goal like his mum.

A few others were:
Punches above his weight. Often seen leaving The Grapes with a battered sausage. Say no more.

Made his most appearances in a season this year, 6 and counting. Has a right foot like Oscar Pistorius. Likes men.

A much different player this year, he has teeth. Still looks like Shane MacGowan on a good day.
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Re: monday's news 29th april includes west ham

Post by cockney hammer »

official site
Manager on Monday
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Re: monday's news 29th april includes west ham

Post by cockney hammer »

i was thinking that myself as i was cut and pasting it same old harold redwanker if they go down ior stay up it will be good old harold kept them up blar blar


but if they go back up it will be good old harold what a manager got them back up first time

does the pric k not relise people are not stupid??? there again how did he get of that hold up better watch what i type :D
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Re: monday's news 29th april includes west ham

Post by cockney hammer »

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Wayne Rooney takes on West Ham at Upton Park


Andy Mitten: How I will miss Upton Park...a proper football ground


It may not be a ground that holds the best of memories but one the will be cherished nonetheless


THE Manchester United team coach edged out of the tight car park. Sir Alex Ferguson looked out of the window and saw a disconsolate United fan sitting on the kerb at the side of the road.

“Crying his eyes out,” is how Ferguson remembers it. “He looked up, spreading his arms in despair as if asking ‘what happened?’ It was Andy Gregory, one of the most acclaimed heroes in rugby league. I was feeling pretty sorry myself but when I saw Gregory I could have cried for him.”

Ferguson had just seen his side suffer a “sickening” loss at Upton Park, home of West Ham United, in April 1992.

During the game, Ferguson’s attention had been grabbed by a man behind in a trilby shouting “Alex, Alex!” He turned out and the man shouted an obscenity at him, before raising two fingers. “It tells you something about men with hats,” noted Ferguson.

Eighteen years old, I travelled from Manchester that night thinking that United were about to win the league for the first time since 1967 – and travelled back through the night thinking that was unlikely.

There was nowhere to hide on the dark, shallow, south terrace, the West Ham fans were right up against you, loving every minute of United’s title capitulation. They sang their ‘Bubbles’ anthem, but the words: “Just like my dreams, they fade and die,” were more apt for us. Manchester United’s league fortunes were always hiding, or so it seemed.

Behind the away end, the Hammers Social Club was rocking, we could hear it as we filed out. And it was packed 19 years later when I went in there for the first time thanks to a West Ham supporting friend; it’s a bastion for traditional football fans without a jester’s hat in sight.

Upton Park has been rebuilt on three sides since ’92, but I love West Ham away. It’s a proper ground for a proper football club. Their hardcore fans once lived locally but moved way out west towards and into Essex in the 80s and 90s, yet the ground remains an authentic slice of the East End.

I love the Victorian Boleyn pub, with Anne Boleyn’s head on the sign, the claret iron gates by the main stand, the road signs saying: “Canning Town”, “Custom House” and “Royal Docks”. Love the Chicken Run – surely the best named stand in England – with the squat tower blocks and police riot vans behind, the stalls selling real enamel pin badges and old match programmes, the Green Street chippy with the letter “e” missing from “Fresh Fish” and the word “carp” underlined in marker pen just in case you were confusing it with “carp”.

I’ve sold fanzines outside Upton Park numerous times. If being called a “northern mankey” is your thing then it’s fine, and if you want to experience paranoia first hand then the walk back to the Tube provides the most visceral experience outside any London football ground.

And I’ll remember going there in 1998 for David Beckham’s first game after he was sent off in France ’98. The media said that he’d get dog’s abuse and he did, yet sitting in the main stand that day, you heard enough people saying: ‘I wish he played for us’ about the boy from nearby Leytonstone to know how they really felt.

The only surprise is that they missed out, given that so many other players came through their ranks: Carrick, Ferdinand, Lampard, Ince, Joe Cole and Defoe. Then there were the ones who got away before making their first team debuts: Sol Campbell, John Terry and Bobby Zamora.

West Ham don’t want to be mocked for being a feeder club, that’s one reason why they’re moving to the Olympic Stadium and why their fans aren’t against the move. Bigger crowds, larger revenues, higher wages, better players – or keeping their own. The traditions that made a visit to Upton Park great will be no more.

Maybe it’s progress, what Barcelona call “the virtuous circle” and maybe it’s easy for a Manchester United fan to patronise West Ham when I don’t watch them every week and suffer my team losing so many of their best young players, but I’ll miss Upton Park and everything it entailed. Well, apart from losing the league there twice in three years.
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