WHERE'S QUASHIE? The Hunt for Nigel.

[one mcavennie]

The geezer is proper ****.

He should never play for west ham again

[I am Lawro]

The geezer is proper sh*t.

He should never play for west ham again

Stone him!

[The Green Man]

Saw him playing water polo in Barcelona, I reckon he's signing for them! :shock:

[grammarhammer]

Surveillance Report

Submitted to Anti-Terrorist Squad HQ 15.04.2008

Suspect Code Name: NQ

Reason for Suspicion: Seen entering largely Muslim area of East London on pretext of being professional footballer then disappearing without trace.

Danger level: High – Rumoured to have explosive right foot (though not yet thought to have caused any damage to opponents)

Sightings:

August 07 – Seen entering UP treatment room in white coat, wig and false beard claiming to be the new chief medic. Casualties resulting: has taken out at least 10 key players and aims to deplete entire squad by end of season.

Feb 08 – Seen entering neighbour’s house

Feb 08 (same day) – Seen entering neighbour’s daughter.

No further sightings.

Note: This man is highly dangerous and has single-handedly taken down a number of outfits. Believed to still be operating under cover (with neighbour’s daughter)

All future sightings to be reported to:

http://www.kumb.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=2&t=102125" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

[sanchoz]

[WebmasterFF]

****ing Gs :lol:

[Royston: Republic d'Essex]

Rumour has it that he may have been hurt by the overly-loud music played over the PA system at half-time - combined with Jeremy's inane b*llocks, it's surprising that more of us haven't been similarly affected.

[Claretdave]

Absolute genuis to one and all.

[stevieboy]

[[HH]]

[JoeySweets]

[rare as rockinghorse shat]

[WebmasterFF]

Another one from Emmerdale's Makeup artist :lol:

[tonkaman]

Another one from Emmerdale's Makeup artist :lol:

Best one yet, gets my vote!

[hammerjohn]

Have to agree



Maybe Nigel is the face of WHU TV

[UniS-Hammer]

RARS... Adam, Prince of Eternia? :lol:

Quality thread

[Houdini]

[rare as rockinghorse shat]

RARS... Adam, Prince of Eternia? :lol:

Quality thread

I dunno... just randomness I guess :lol:

[UniS-Hammer]

It all started when our star, Nigel, woke up in a imaginery desert. It was the third time it had happened. Feeling exceedingly frustrated, Nige slapped a gerbil, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). Suddenly cheered up by the Hamtaro theme song, he realized that his beloved Right Foot was missing! Immediately he called his overtly elitist, rich friend, Mervyn Day. Nige had known Mervyn for (plus or minus) one million years, the majority of which were curious ones. Mervyn Day was unique. He was plucky though sometimes a little... clueless. Nigel called him anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Mervyn picked up to a very nervous Mr Quashie. Day calmly assured him that most man-eating capybaras belch before mating, yet spotted wolf hamsters usually scandalously yawn *after* mating. He had no idea what that meant; he was only concerned with distracting Nigel. Why was Mervyn Day trying to distract Him? Because he had snuck out from Nigel's with his Foot only seven days prior. It was an eccentric little Right Foot... how could he resist?

It didn't take long before Nigel got back to the subject at hand: his Right Foot. Mervyn sighed. Relunctantly, he invited him over, assuring him they'd find his Right Foot. Nigel grabbed his hippopotamus and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Mervyn Day realized that he was in trouble. He had to find a place to hide the Foot and he had to do it thoughtfully. He figured that if Nigel took the pimp fresh, candy-painted 'Lac, he had take at least nine minutes before Nigel would get there. But if he took the Horse and Carriage? Then Mervyn Day would be abnormally screwed.

Before he could come up with any reasonable ideas, Mervyn Day was interrupted by two abrasive Care Bears that were lured by Nigel’s Right Foot. He cringed; 'Not again', he thought. Feeling pleased, he randomly reached for his carrot and fearlessly slapped every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the swamp, squealing with discontent. He exhaled with relief. That's when he heard the Horse and Carriage rolling up. It was Quashie.

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at Jim's House of Wings to pick up a 12-pack of bananas, so he knew he was running late. With a careful leap, Nigel was out of the Horse and Carriage and went exotically jaunting toward Day's front door. Meanwhile inside, Mervyn was panicking. Not thinking, he tossed the Foot into a box of ninja stars and then slid the box behind his whale. Mervyn Day was puzzled but at least the Right Foot was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Mervyn Day earnestly purred. With a skillful push, Nigel opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some selfish flaming idiot in a nappy, busted-out hatchback,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Mervyn assured him. Nigel took a seat exotically proximate to where the Foot was hidden. Mervyn Day grimaced trying unsuccessfully to hide his nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' he blurted. But Nigel was distracted. Heart filled with earnest fortitude, Mervyn Day noticed a selfish look on Nigel's face. Nigel slowly opened his mouth to speak.

Everything turned to black.

About eleven hours later, Nigel awoke, his love handle throbbing. It was dark and Nigel did not know where he was. Deep in the inhospitable foxy forest, Nigel was very lost. In a blinding moment of misguided bravado, he remembered that his Right Foot was taken by the Care Bears. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a shrunken Care Bear emerged from the haunted thicket. It was the alpha Care Bear. Nigel opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the Care Bear sunk its teeth into Nigel's armpit. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Nigel's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.
Less than two miles away, Mervyn Day was entombed by anguish over the loss of the Right Foot. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' he cried, as he reached for a sharpened wolverine. With a mighty thrust, he buried it deeply into his taint. As the room began to fade to black, he thought about Nigel... wishing he had found the courage to tell him that he loved him. But he would die alone that day. All that remained was the Right Foot that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant Care Bears, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end.

[WebmasterFF]

Ha ha ha what the f***! I'm taking you used some sort of story generator otherwise your mind is more screwed up than mine!