Five Grand!

A selection of the very best posts and/or most memorable threads on KUMB since the current Forum launched in 2002.

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Amsterhammer
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Five Grand!

Post by Amsterhammer »

FIVE GRAND

I finally decided not to bother with posting any pics of young ladies with lovely bodies to ‘celebrate’ this historic moment in my relationship with KUMB. Instead, I will bore you with some thoughts (that may or may not turn out to make any sense,) about the nature of my relationship with this board. Those readers not interested in the ramblings of a middle-aged bald man should stop reading now.

Due to the decrease in brain-power that comes with the increase in years, I can’t remember exactly when it was that I first stumbled across this board, though I think it was around 18 months ago, maybe a bit longer. My oldest mate in London, the Gooner, had written an article for Westhamonline and told me where to find it. Until that moment, my passion for West Ham had only been shared to a limited extent with my Dutch wife and son, my own son (who lived in Indianapolis at the time,) and with the Gooner. I had watched as many live games as possible (once they became available on a ‘normal’ channel) and listened to the appalling official ***** commentary for as many others as I could manage. But basically I did this on my own, as the only other person to truly share my passion was across the great water. I was, in effect, a solitary Hammerholic.

As soon as I saw the above mentioned web site, I thought to myself, ‘you stupid bugger, you could have been plugged in to the virtual Hammer world for ages already if only you’d thought of it.’ I felt really, really stupid. (The frequency of these moments increases with age.)

After sniffing around WHO for a while, I came across a reference to KUMB and went to check it out. My first reaction was very positive. I liked the look and ‘feel’ of the site, the articles were informative, even the colour scheme was appealing! I immediately added it to my favourites.

Then I discovered the message board.

I lurked furtively for quite some time, taking in the ‘feel’ of what was being posted. Even though a lot of what was being talked about was Greek to me at first, I marveled at the in-depth knowledge of some posters, smirked at the gross stupidity of others, and laughed aloud frequently when people who clearly knew each other hurled friendly abuse – the word “tosser” in particular stuck in the memory! Many of the names were also strange and intriguing: Chalks, Wheels, Gnome, Brillo, Rio B, Sicknote, Sloop John B and the one whose contributions I found most compulsive (though often incomprehensible and largely unreadable! FdiMcA.

One day I took the plunge and became Amsterhammer, though I can’t for the life of me remember what my first post might have been about. Like most ‘new boys’, I tried to be selective in my posting at first, especially because I was talking with people who had first-hand, direct knowledge that I lacked, and many of whom seemed to actually know each other in the real world. Nobody wants others to see them as a smart-ass and I didn’t either! It was sometime later before I started spouting gibberish about anything and everything :wink:

Slowly but steadily I found my surfing habits changing. Those of you who know me will know which newspaper site is likely to be my home page – and it still is – but I increasingly found myself heading straight for the message board from there. I was also fortunate in being able to freely access the site from my work, so as my work load decreased throughout last year, I was able to devote more and more time to hanging around on the message board. Still, I didn’t yet think of myself as being in any way addicted 8) ….. though when the board went down for three or four days at one point last year, the true horror of what life would be like without it became quickly and horribly apparent. The fact was that the KUMB board had insidiously become part of my daily existence on a variety of levels: it was somewhere I could share the passion with other Hammerholics, learn things I didn’t know about WHU and football in general, get to ‘know’ some interesting people, have arguments and laugh hysterically on occasion. Best of all, diving into the board allowed me to escape the horror at work! It was perfect!

Not surprisingly then, the board became a life-saver for me when put into the context of my life. Without going into any tedious details, this last year has been particularly horrific for me: death and illness in the family, death of two beloved pets, stress, pressure and intimidation at work resulting ultimately in job loss ………….. just to sketch the picture of how anyone who actually did have a life, could still wind up approaching 5000 posts – and that’s only on the new board!! (I blame Chalks and Un’appy!)

The advent of the new board at the beginning of last December coincided with the worst time at the office I’ve ever experienced in my working life. Again, no sordid details, but trust me, it sucked big-time. The board became a vital outlet to make my days bearable at the same time as the format changed, and what joy it was to experiment with the possibilities of the new board!!!!! :lol: What fun we had quoting and throwing emoticons all over the place (a lot of us still do that now!) and changing our avatars once we had learned what an avatar is!! For me, the new board was absolutely the bizzzz, the proverbial dog’s danglies!! It still is now.

Becoming part of this board has given me the pleasure and privilege of getting to know and meeting some really good people…..I’m not going to rattle off a list of names because I would inevitably forget someone unintentionally……..but I have particularly enjoyed spending time with Romford, Sicknote and Welling on their visits to the Dam.

I shall also never forget that incredible Saturday at the beginning of May as long as I live: my first visit to UP in 18 years – and with my son! – meeting so many people in the flesh at the Wakefield – putting faces to names – the Chelscum game – Paolo celebrating the goal 12 feet in front of me – the emotion of his farewell lap – the emotion of seeing Trevor on the sidelines – being pissed in the afternoon – having too little time to have a proper natter with everyone in the pub……all of which would not have happened without the KUMB board.

A final irony of the virtual world: the people I feel closest to as real friends here are people I have not yet met! You know who you are.

In short, becoming part of the ‘life’ of this board has enriched my own life in many ways at a time when I most needed it, and for that I shall be eternally grateful. While many serious and important issues get the attention they deserve, a lot of pure escapist silliness goes on too (which is cool.) Best of all (for me anyway) is the amount of quality humour to be enjoyed here. I love language (as some of you will have noticed) and I have been regularly overjoyed at the wealth of comic master craftsmen who post here. The standard of some of the punning is stunning! I have laughed tears on many occasions. Fish! The David Hasselhoff cd reviews on ebay!

I could go on and on, but we must find an ending to this very personal ramble before the entire audience falls asleep. My sincere thanks to all of you, whose diversity makes this board such a wonderful and unique place. My particular thanks to the ‘regulars’ for contributing to, and defining the ‘character’ of this board, my home on the web! Most of all though, my deepest thanks must go to UTJ for making all this possible. :doff:

KUMB: thanks for being here, live long and prosper.

Here’s to the next 5000.
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bluebutterfly
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Post by bluebutterfly »

A/h a great post mate, to celebrate your 5000th
CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

:doff: :doff: :doff:
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Post by Believe in the Bubbles »

:shock: Well said that man. :niceone:

That is the longest post that i have bothered to read and i am glad that i took the time to.

Your sentiments echo that of dozens of like minded souls who use the site not only as a place to obtain precious information but also a place in which to seek solace from the pain and anguish that the outside world can sometimes bring us.

Take a well earned pat on the back and keep on posting :!:
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Cuenca 'ammer
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Post by Cuenca 'ammer »

two very B-I-G thumbs up, for summing up so eloquently what many (at least me in particular) would write if we could !!!!!!!!!!
i only wish that i could have enjoyed the chelscum visit, BUT believe me i had to share it vicariously through you.
i echo your sentiments to the regular posters, and although i prefer to pick and chose my posts (both to read and write) but i think that the formula we have here works.
perhaps i cannot agree with all of the postings, and their content, but THAT is the best part of it.
i vary rarely have a conversation with lots of people whereby we all agree on themes, and in particular the reasoning, so it would be unrealistic to expect a "forum" to have a similar agreement.
i look at it as more like a speakers corner if you will, somewhere we can walk past, stop for a listen, if the subject matter amuses, interests or causes me to think, i can pause, when my interest peaks, i move on. just like this board, i wouldn't change it (perhaps a tweak here or there) as it obviously fits the bill, as evidenced by the total number of posts, posters and the variation of the same.

KEEP ON KEEPING ON, KEEP ON POSTING A/H

here's to the next 5, 000..................

:doff:
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sicknote
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Post by sicknote »

can't see any catshit or bull**** in that post :wink:

quality summary sir, and well done on youre milestone :lol:
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chalks
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Post by chalks »

what can i say........i know.


TOSSER :lol: :lol: :lol:
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Jedi Al Khalaas
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Post by Jedi Al Khalaas »

:doff:

Well Done A/h!
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Rio
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Post by Rio »

:clap: :clap: :clap: :doff:


Congratulations.


A fantastic post as well sir.
FDIMcalternatreality

Re: FIVE GRAND !!!

Post by FDIMcalternatreality »

Amsterhammer wrote: 1: . But basically I did this on my own,

2: , taking in the ‘feel’ of being talked about was gross

3 – the word “tosser” : Chalks

4: It was sometime later before I started spouting gibberish about anything and everything :wink:

5:Hammerholics, learn things I didn’t know about WHU and football in general, get to ‘know’ some interesting people, have arguments and laugh hysterically

10): Paolo

4b) A final irony here are people I have not yet met! :?

:
1. Thats weird isnt it we all tap away on our own, but we end up being a choir. Its actually quiet beautifull and human, and joyously free and unrestrained. It takes on a new life, its sort of ................................over to you Chalks?

2: sdhfdsj rejfbgm [ofk[o ]prtm[lf gtrk['plkb grtvk[ofkb bgfjks[jpiehpa flj l [erlkg ef]pkm pkr[j v[oier[jkg bp]k]epkg er]k]pke g,/mw
w#[lg][ pkwe]pkg

5. We do indeed keep ourselves more informed by the sum of knowledges available, its pretty cool. Also by seeing opposing views, no differing views, we get to really work on our own ill-formed thoughts. Further the conection to (as an example) the likes of NP who cant get too many games, but who clearly know what they are talking about, is great. Courts call expert witnesses who were not at the crime scene, Sky call Andy Gray who was not at the game, and KUMB places no distinction on your circumstances just on what you think, and with equal relevence.

4b) So how do you know they exist?,
There is a lot of excessenergy on here and its not inconceivable?
maybe they dont even know if they exist
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Trifecta
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Post by Trifecta »

A superb post Amsterhammer :doff: One worthy of the 5000 mark. I cannot remember the scoring system but how many balls would you have now ? :lol:

KUMB is many things to many people and your articulate, erudite post should act as example to others :D :D Well done again mate :doff:

Now if we can just sort out this socialism thing........ :P :P
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Claire
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Post by Claire »

Trifecta wrote:A superb post Amsterhammer :doff: One worthy of the 5000 mark. I cannot remember the scoring system but how many balls would you have now ? :lol:
I hope he still has at least two!

A truly lovely post and it sums up the KUMB and WHU experience for me.

Thanks and respect A/H :doff:

Claire



REPKA STAYS OK!!!!
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Northern Paulo
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Post by Northern Paulo »

Quality post A/h! And congratulations on the 5K!!!!

I know exactly how you feel. Not quite as exiled as some, I felt 'cut off' (something my wife took literally and arranged for me after the birth of our 4th child), in rural Derbyshire, surrounded by Mancs. KUMB offered me a lifeline. Long may it reign.

Once again, well done A/h! :doff:
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DesHammer
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Post by DesHammer »

:doff: :doff: :doff: :doff: :doff: :doff: :doff: :doff: :doff: :doff: :doff: :doff:
:doff: :doff: :doff: :doff: :doff: :doff: :doff: :doff: :doff: :doff: :doff: :doff:
PLEASE ADD AMSTERHAMMERS 5000th to the hall of fame!

DesHammer :)

:doff: :doff: :doff: :doff: :doff: :doff: :doff: :doff: :doff: :doff: :doff: :doff:
:doff: :doff: :doff: :doff: :doff: :doff: :doff: :doff: :doff: :doff: :doff: :doff:
:doff: :doff: :doff: :doff: :doff: :doff: :doff: :doff: :doff: :doff: :doff: :doff:
:doff: :doff: :doff: :doff: :doff: :doff: :doff: :doff: :doff: :doff: :doff: :doff:
:doff: :doff: :doff: :doff: :doff: :doff: :doff: :doff: :doff: :doff: :doff: :doff:
:doff: :doff: :doff: :doff: :doff: :doff: :doff: :doff: :doff: :doff: :doff: :doff:
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Bill
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Post by Bill »

Top stuff as usual. Congratulations on your 5k mate. :doff: :clap:
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Michelle
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Post by Michelle »

Congrats on the 5000th

Excellent post,
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chalks
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Post by chalks »

1. Thats weird isnt it we all tap away on our own, but we end up being a choir. Its actually quiet beautifull and human, and joyously free and unrestrained. It takes on a new life, its sort of ................................over to you Chalks?[quote][/quote]

Sort of like the first time you put your bell end in a hoover..........you realise theres more to life than plain old ****ing :lol: :lol: :lol:
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Northern Paulo
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Post by Northern Paulo »

chalks wrote:1. Thats weird isnt it we all tap away on our own, but we end up being a choir. Its actually quiet beautifull and human, and joyously free and unrestrained. It takes on a new life, its sort of ................................over to you Chalks? Sort of like the first time you put your bell end in a hoover..........you realise theres more to life than plain old ****ing :lol: :lol: :lol:
......and less mess!
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Post by Wheels »

Top post A/h, I think it sums up rather eloquently how a lot of us feel about this site. :doff: to you and all other KUMBers as this site has kept me going for the 2 years since I was made redundant. Along with A/h I must have a big :doff: to UTJ for running this site. :cry: :cry: I will stop now as I am getting quite emotional. :cry:
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Andrew
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Post by Andrew »

Well said A/h! :D

Can't disagree with any of that- well done.



p.s that is a very long post sir, any idea when they will make it inti a film? :lol:
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Post by OsloHammer »

:doff:
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