Little things that irritate you

[Hammers Dad]

Rihanna. When is she going to **** off? All her songs sound the same and she's not even that fit. I mean I'd lend her one if she begged of course but she'd have to promise not to sing or request that I make her feel like she's the only girl in the world.

Agree totally. Add in the TOWIE women (fake tans and fake t*ts - eurghhh) and send them all into space on a one way trip to the sun.

[Hammers Dad]

"Only two more sleeps and then 10 days on holiday , yay me!!"

*****.

Normally 30+ year old women.
Saying that is fine if you happen to be 4, but get a frigging life if you're older!

[orbital]

Can someone please explain to me why I get furiously angry at other people's cheery, fluffy views on the world?

The more 'cheery' they appear, the more I consider them to be blinkered, naive and middle of the road.

I feel like I just want to grab them by the neck and say 'look, this is how the world really is, you c*nt'.

Is a character flaw for me, or is it them?

I can explain this, you are in fact a miserable c*nt

[Iron Spine v2.0]

That gimp from the Lotto scratchcard advert.

Those creepy, dead, 'nothing going on upstairs', eyes.

I think I recognise the voice from ITV2 idents which probably speaks for itself

[Hampshire Hammer]

All this fitness stuff is bad for your health.
Since I gave up playing soldiers, I have been injury free. No hamstring problems, no tweaked ankles, no muscle spasm...nothing.
You'll stay fitter being a lazy c**t like me :lol

There might be something in that. I used to have to be fit, running at least 10 miles every day as well as playing regular sport. Then with changing job, retiring from different sports and family life I let it slip. The trouble is realised I was reaching my late forties, having become unfit - blowing out of my arse after ten minutes gentle running; so I've made a concious effort to get fitter. If I had just scaled back I would have been fine it is letting it slip that is the issue. I have a couple of mates who are ten years older than me, both ex marines, and run every day. One of them still dives regularly, whereas I'm no longer up to it.

But I don't need to buy an extra large 4x4 to fit my large arse in either so it is not all bad.

[thebassmonkey]

as a responible dog owner i always always pick up if my dog craps while taking him for a walk

But that's only just in case your teeth have gone missing again...

[sendô]

That gimp from the Lotto scratchcard advert.

Those creepy, dead, 'nothing going on upstairs', eyes.

I think I recognise the voice from ITV2 idents which probably speaks for itself

^ This. What the **** is that bloke? It's like he's not really human.

[Iron Spine v2.0]

BURN IT! BURRRRRRN IT!

WITH FIRE!

[fjthegrey]

You're starting to slip again aren't you RARS. I am too to be honest. Been a right moody twat to everyone recently. I find myself at my happiest when I'm alone. This thread is way too long.

[ham34mer]

Patrick Kielty. I can't even begin to go into how much of a cock I think this man is.

GAH! What a pointless little f*ckstick he is!!!

[rare as rockinghorse shat]

You're starting to slip again aren't you RARS. I am too to be honest. Been a right moody twat to everyone recently. I find myself at my happiest when I'm alone. This thread is way too long.

Occasionally, yeah.

Stopped 'trying' to keep wraps on it, which has been my downfall.

Must try harder.

[Dover KUMB fan]

Been a right moody twat to everyone recently. I find myself at my happiest when I'm alone.

Me too, not a good sign!

[Harlow Hammer]

"Hi, I'm after a ticket for the home leg and Final if we get there, anyone got any spare.

Although I haven't been for 30 years I watch the results come in on Soccer Saturday and record the Football League show every weekend. I also take part in forum discussion of games I have never been to and slag the team off.

I really am a big West Ham fan, although I couldn't be bother to go when we getting relegated last year or any other season that we was doing bad.

But seeing as we are in a semi final and possible a final thought I might as well go."

Does this annoy anyone else. The number of people I have had ring me up and ask if I can get a ticket for them for the home leg and if we get to the final maybe a ticket for them. This was the same with the FA Cup final and previous Play off finals etc.

The sob stories I hear as to why people haven't been for ages etc really annoy me as they try to justify what a great support they are.

I've made sacrifices to afford the ST, in the off chance we get to a final, then I get a ticket. People may have genuine reasons but most really annoy me.

And no I haven't any spares!!!!

[Hampshire Hammer]

"Keep calm, it's only the play-offs" T-shirts

[hammerdivone]

Can someone please explain to me why I get furiously angry at other people's cheery, fluffy views on the world?

The more 'cheery' they appear, the more I consider them to be blinkered, naive and middle of the road.

I feel like I just want to grab them by the neck and say 'look, this is how the world really is, you c*nt'.

Is a character flaw for me, or is it them?

Quite possibly it is you that needs the shaking and telling of how the world really is?

You need to put things and life in to perspective. It's sometimes difficult when things get on top of you to do this but for me the reality of knowing my old best mate, born the same day as me who I grew up with has been dead for 5 years, and that by a minor miracle CJ is still with is is enough for to reign me in when I start to take life (work) too seriously!

[bubbles1966]

An empty shopping lane, with a checkout operator sitting there waiting to serve you as you pull up with a trolley full of shopping......

You all know where I'm coming from don't you? You know what happens next?

It's either the "Checkout Closed" sign, or even worse, they sling your shopping over the reader so quickly that it's all down the bottom as soon as you've finished loading it on the conveyor belt.

You trudge down the bottom to a pile of unpacked shopping, those sodding cheapo plastic bags won't open (you've forgotten your good ones) while the checkout operator is twiddling their thumbs and a queue has miraculously appeared behind you as they all look at you for holding them up.

[derek zoolander]

Local government, embassy's and bureaucracy.

All of them lead to quite simple procedures taking an absolute age to be finalised.

It's really very simple (until procedure starts to get in the way) and these ***** not caring and their jobs being in no way dependent on whether they get something done on time or not means everyone else gets ****ed in the arse.

[Tarbs]

How when you go on holiday, typically in Spain, there is a bar that does some **** kareoke and the spanish barmaid gets up their every night and bellows "black velvet" at the top of the lungs in perfect english.

Even if you purposely avoid said establishment, you can still here that ****ing song.

She clearly has no idea what she is singing about too as if you were to ask for a drink she would just say "que?"

[Clacton-ammer]

Being informed by e-mail that I have won some money on the National Lottery, the e-mail states we have some exciting news for you regarding your ticket, no it's not exciting, I have won 45 1/2p, please re-word the e-mail to say, we have some ok news for you, if it's over a monkey then yes please say it is exciting, and if it' s really big send me a big **** off e-mail stating "we have some ****ing incredible news for you that will probably change your life".

[rare as rockinghorse shat]

Quite possibly it is you that needs the shaking and telling of how the world really is?

You need to put things and life in to perspective. It's sometimes difficult when things get on top of you to do this but for me the reality of knowing my old best mate, born the same day as me who I grew up with has been dead for 5 years, and that by a minor miracle CJ is still with is is enough for to reign me in when I start to take life (work) too seriously!

So, if that girl I know, who has form for having absolutely nothing interesting or remotely non-mainstream to say, pipes up and says, on Facebook for example:

"Beyonce is the best singer of the last 20 years. She is totes amaze!!! lol"

Then I reply "What about Mike Patton?"

Then she replies "Who? Must be crap lol lol"

It's not logical for me to want to cave the front of her skull in?