The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

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Samba
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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Post by Samba »

simonpaulthomas wrote: Wed Dec 08, 2021 2:07 pm Great to hear RS - you’re going to have the nickname “MILF Hunter” in no time 😎
Already has... :winker:
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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Post by rigoberts song »

you lads /ladies know me too well !
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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Post by Samba »

Harlow Hammer wrote: Tue Dec 07, 2021 8:31 pmI just feel empty, lost and alone and that is not a good place to be
No, that's not al all nice, feeling like that H. The thought of 'the thing near the end of the month', fast approaching now at a gallop, is no doubt a source of stress for you as well as many others. You're definitely not alone in dreading it. I think we'd be surprised how many people do. We are only usually fed the happy version of it to view. Which only ever succeeds in making us feel worse, imo.
Are there NHS 'talking therapies' in your area? Definitely try & get yourself onto a waiting list for it. It sounds like you might have a lot to talk about which is not fun if there is no one in particular to listen. You do still have all us on this thread, though.
You're always welcome on here, mate :newthumb:
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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Post by rigoberts song »

as I said earlier walking /lots of it was my saviour getting into nature birdwatching has been good.All this aids sleep and helps you cope.
getting your diet sorted cutting back on the drink /caffeine and being prepared to talk have been my coping strategies.Good luck Harlow
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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Post by Mega Ron »

Gents (and ladies, you must exist on here) how about we push the secret Santa thing that DL suggested.

Some of us in here get involved and we each have a lowish charity shop type budget and buy for 2 or 3 others. Then everyone gets at least a couple of things to open from someone else on here that really does care about them.

Do it.
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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Post by S-H »

Mega Ron wrote: Wed Dec 08, 2021 8:01 pm Gents (and ladies, you must exist on here) how about we push the secret Santa thing that DL suggested.

Some of us in here get involved and we each have a lowish charity shop type budget and buy for 2 or 3 others. Then everyone gets at least a couple of things to open from someone else on here that really does care about them.

Do it.

Great minds.

:thup:
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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Post by chalks »

mushy wrote: Tue Nov 30, 2021 3:36 pm You feel any better?
Much better mate, have gone down 2 belt sizes which was 100% required!!!

Have had some ***** thrown my way over the past few weeks that id have struggled with this time last year. Although not sorted and although i have no idea what I'm going to do about it, I dont feel like i would have done, so thats a plus
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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Post by dave_l »

PF. wrote: Tue Dec 07, 2021 4:28 pm Dave, I’m sure that writing this down helped in a small way mate?

Congratulations on the sale - I know how hard this can be and whilst your BP seems like a bit of an arse, you can only control what you can control.

At the end of the day, you’ve delivered to the best version you can achieve and that’s all you can do - well done mate.

And I feel you being at home waiting for tests (same!). The reality of course is that as dads to young kids, this is part of the game isn’t it!?

It seems very much like you’re being the best version of you and that’s all you can ask of yourself mate. It’s bloody hard and certainly easier to write, but sit down and acknowledge what you can directly take responsibility for. Anything not on that list and you’re going to have to let it flow past you.

Have a great Christmas with your family mate - you deserve it!
Cheers PF. It did help writing it down. When people ask about how it's going I tend not to give much of an answer because I don't want to effectively go into a bashing of the guy or give too much detail so it wa snice to get the full story out there.

Thankfully my daughter's test was negative and was chomping at the bit to go back to nursery as soon as the result came in!
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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Post by PF. »

Good to hear mate. You’re clearly a great bloke who is considerate of others. :newthumb:
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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Post by WHU Independent »

A bit of two piper here I'm afraid.

I'm at a loss here - What do you do with someone who is totally, completely and absolutely negative?

My mother and sister have had a bust up. A big one and they are not engaging with each other for now or for the foreseable. My mother really needs my sister to take her shopping etc but that ship has passed. It's over between them.

I can see both sides. My sister is a paranoid, control freak who belives in conspiracy theories. She's not vaxed, she won't get vaxxed - unless they make her employer makes her. She's a loner, with no mates, agressive, confrontational and knows what's best for everyone. Oh and she's a self educated Dr because she "reads things on the internet." For example, my mother is slightly ill with dizzy spells every now and then and my sister has booked up hospital appointments, DR;s appointments etc and my mother has no idea what they are for or where she is going? My mum kicked up about her controlling attitude so my sister has walked away and left her to her own devices. And I'm afraid my sister is not the real problem.

I visited my Mother a few weeks ago with a view to patching this spat up. It's not happening and never goona happen. My mother will never admit she is wrong. A bit about my mother - mid 80's, lives on her own, profoundly deaf (totally refuses to wear hearing aids), limited mobility, total technophobe, and prone to dizzy spells when she gets up. She gave her car away in spite a month ago as it failed the ULEZ regs. Now she doesn't drive and has lost the confidence to drive. She's rude, talks over you, has fell out with all her "mates" spectacularly and uses people. She won't use Taxis (too expensive - although she has a few bob) and Dial a Ride is for "poor people who can't afford the bus." She will not even contemplate social services - perish the thought - what would the neighbours think!

So i asked My mother how she is gonna get shopping etc and she says that she has a network of neighbours, who will get her basic needs - milk, bread, papers, frozen food etc - and that she will be ok. So I told her, as her son, I'd like to bring some happiness into her life and what can I do to facilitate this.

Nothing was the answer. "All I wanna do is sit here, watch the TV, do Crosswords and play with the cats. I do wanna go out any more, I don't want to meet people, I've happy on my own. I don't want doctors or hospitals, I'm coming to the end of my life - I'm just waiting to die."

So i asked her what made her happy. "Nothing makes me happy anymore." When i suggested ways to make her happy - a new car, a mothly subscription to crossword magzines that I offered to pay for - the answer was "I don't wanna drive any more and I don't want any more crossword books."

Every single thing I suggested, her answer was in the negative. Every. Single. One.

Actually what makes her happy is other peoples misery. When one of her neighbours died and when one of the women across the road had their kids takenaway by the social services, she was really self satisfied.

Anyhow, I ring her up two days ago. She's not eaten bread for 10 days, is living on carnation milk for tea, her fridge and freezer iare almost empty and she's not been out the door since I've been there. I can't actually do stuff as I live 100's miles away and am looking after my Father (and trying to get a mate who is moving up here, after he walks out on his GF's house on NYE whilst she is at work, a place to live before NYE!) but luckily I have another sister who is lovely and has arranged for a huge delivery of food and drink to be delivered to my mum.

Needless to say this is sparking friction between my two sisters - nut hey that's another story!

In the end I'm frustrated as I know my mum will suffer but will cut her nose of to spite her face, to make a point. I know some people are "Black Holes" and need givingup on - and has that time come for me and my mum?
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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Post by Tenbury »

Indy,
Others will have more valuable input, but a couple of things come to my mind that might be of use.
For some people 'old age' isn't a gradual concept, it (psychologically) just 'hits' them, maybe when they're in their 60s (me) , maybe their 80s, whenever. (a lucky few never seem to get the concept at all). You tend to get belligerent, fatalistic and easily antagonised, it must be quite a shock for those around you that see such a personality change. I think (and definitely hope) that old people reassess and come to terms with their (percieved) new situation and learn some peace of mind.
More generally, I think we all have a tendancy to look for a complete solution to the problems in our lives, and there are situations where this creates more difficulties than it solves, some 'problems' just have to be 'managed'. So do the best you can at the time, and deal with things day by day, week by week, sometimes that's the best solution you can achieve.
Hope you find, at least some of this, relevant.
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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Post by WHU Independent »

Thanks Tenners - very relevant indeed!

I believe my mum has recently "wised up" that she's not a young looking, 26 inch waist teenager anymore. My mum has always looked good and doesn't look in her 80's TBF but I think everything has combined recently to have a revelation that has hit her hard.

That said she was happy yesterday - she discovered one of her old mates had died and was busy on the phone spreading the news and slagging her off!
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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Post by Mega Ron »

Sounds like my mum.

Can't you just have a Waitrose shop delivered to her once a week?
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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Post by fjthegrey »

WHU Independent wrote: Tue Dec 14, 2021 1:34 pm Thanks Tenners - very relevant indeed!

I believe my mum has recently "wised up" that she's not a young looking, 26 inch waist teenager anymore. My mum has always looked good and doesn't look in her 80's TBF but I think everything has combined recently to have a revelation that has hit her hard.

That said she was happy yesterday - she discovered one of her old mates had died and was busy on the phone spreading the news and slagging her off!
You could get her the complete collection of Darwin Awards books.

Sounds like it might be her kind of thing?
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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Post by mushy »

I have gradually learned to ditch people that have been life long 'friends' over the last few years because of their negativity. I found that they drained the life out of me and used to go home knackered, mainly because I had to listen to their self-centred non stop moaning.
I think it's called emotional leaching.
I am a lot lot happier for doing it and I don't miss them at all and duck out of piss ups where the usual suspects are involved.
Bit different with family I suppose Indy, especially your mum. But you don't have to do things just because she is your mum, she sounds a bit of a narc to me and they are never good for your mental well-being.
Send her a food parcel (it will probably never be good enough, but nothing will) and ring her when you have the energy.
Look after yourself first and foremost.
I have a brother i haven't spoken to for six years and every now and then I feel a pang of guilt and want to get in touch to see if he's ok.
Resistance is a strength.
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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Post by EvilC »

rigoberts song wrote: Wed Dec 08, 2021 1:30 pmMet some lovely people including a lady doctor anyway had a chat yesterday and she said she's on her own Xmas and boxing day so invited her over and she said yes!
"Doc, it appears I have some swelling. It seems to be localised."

Apologies for this in the MH thread.
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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Post by Samba »

WHU Independent wrote: Tue Dec 14, 2021 12:34 amIn the end I'm frustrated as I know my mum will suffer but will cut her nose of to spite her face, to make a point. I know some people are "Black Holes" and need giving up on - and has that time come for me and my mum?
No Indy, I would say never give up on family unless it really is, a last resort.
It's probably more about you coming to terms with knowing what you can do or can't do for her.
She may be perfectly happy in knowing what she wants & doesn't want. So long as it isn't depression or dementia involved, you might have to just accept her wishes.
At least you asked her if you could help. You gave her the opportunity to tell you. That's a good thing.
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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Post by rigoberts song »

quick update I was due to do voluntary work yesterday with the Dr had to cancel out as felt fluey she got stroppy and said I'm leaving this as unreliability isn't on my xmas list.
So back to square one.However Got a young Bulgarian lady on the 27th 28th and a nurse coming down here on the 30th 31st and new years day.
So I'll be home alone 25th 26th so got to get through those two, if anyone's having a rough time I'll look in then and happy to chat.
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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Post by mushy »

WTF mr Song?
Youve got women everywhere you basta*d.
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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Post by The Old Man of Storr »

mushy wrote: Tue Dec 14, 2021 8:25 pm WTF mr Song?
Youve got women everywhere you basta*d.

Maybe he's surrounded by Public Telephones ?

' Nurse seeks Doctor for game of Doctor & Nurses ' .

' Want to learn Bulgarian ? - call Ivanka on 0797999999 ' .

The grass isn't always greener , Mush .


In Rigobert's case it is - but it isn't always . :grin:



He's what we call in Wales a ' Lucky lucky lucky lucky lucky lucky lucky b*stard ' .

Only we spell it Llucky .
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