Manchester City 2 West Ham United 0

Wednesday, 5th March 2003
by Alex Minett

Hyde – what a place. There was me thinking Green Street had more take away food outlets per square metre than anywhere else in the world – then I visited Hyde High Street.

Hyde United F.C (currently bottom of Uni-Bond Premier League) was the setting for the Hammers Youth?EUR(TM)s attempt to progress in what over recent years has been classed by Hammers fans as ?EUR~our?EUR(TM) Cup.

I arrived ridiculously early ?EUR" approximately 5.15pm. Thought I?EUR(TM)d try and miss the ?EUR~rush hour?EUR(TM) traffic and road works on the M62 (I was travelling from Leeds). Both were non-existent.?EUR~Killing time?EUR(TM), as I had hoped to do by touring the town, appeared to have a different meaning to the youth of Hyde (who were roaming the streets in sizeable numbers).

Arrived at the ground and got chatting to a Hyde United?EUR(TM)s ?EUR~Official?EUR(TM) car-park attendant, who informed me WHUFC were not at all happy to play the game at Hyde and had tried to move the game to Maine Road. One could understand why we had made this request ?EUR" to say the housing estate that the ground was located centrally within was ?EUR~f*cking rough?EUR(TM) was a little of an under-statement.

Met up with a couple of Northern Hammers and we took our place behind the goal we were attacking. The game kicked off at 7pm, with our boys sporting the famous claret shirt, and, in my view, dubious claret shorts (that do not match the shirt!!??).

Our squad boasted some famous names such as ?EUR" Sealey, Laws, Ferdinand, Ward, Carrick, Pearson, Cole and Wright.
City?EUR(TM)s rather less impressively named squad only offered Kasper Schmeichel (yep HIS son, sub goalie by the way) and Bradley Wright-Philips (yep, HIS brother/son).

First half was pretty average, with Hammers Youth not testing Keiren Westwood once (City keeper). Mr Westwood was in fact the target for a fair amount of abuse from myself. His horrific ability to kick the ball provided me with the ammunition to try and end his budding career, with varying cat ?EUR"calls questioning his ability, sexuality etc. etc.

The Hammers strike force of Pearson and Morris offered nothing and after only 20 minutes Morris was taken off (for his sake I hope it was an injury!). Hammers keeper George Sealey made a couple of blinding saves ?EUR" apparently. The floodlights were very low and so any attempt to follow the ?EUR~aerial?EUR(TM) ball resulted in temporary blindness. The quality of the saves had to be explained in full by an informative City fan, during the half time pint in the Supporters Bar. Half-time 0-0, with Hammers defence looking pretty solid, Anton Ferdinand and especially Elliot Ward looking steady. City ahead on ?EUR~points?EUR(TM).

Second half started ominously, with Hammers Youth pinned in our half conceding needless pieces of possession and several corners.

City by now, were by far the dominant team and it was no surprise when they took the lead after 63 minutes. A cross was played in from the right and was converted by City striker Karl Birmingham. Some 10 minutes later it was 2-0. Hammers defenders appealed in vain, as again, a cross from the right was headed past Sealey by City sub Paul Murphy. Hammers defenders prolonged appeals for offside were ignored and the goal stood. These protests were led by young Mr Elliot Ward ?EUR" a giant of a man ?EUR" nicknamed by sections of the crowd as the ?EUR~Honey Monster?EUR(TM). His over zealous and animated protests made him the target for the ?EUR~piss taking?EUR(TM) locals for the rest of the game.

Hammers only threatened in the last 15 minutes via sub Noble (could have been Collington ?EUR" both lads were black ?EUR" I think !!??) ?EUR" anyway he looked busy and had two shots blocked , the second of which was followed up embarrassingly tamely by Carrick Junior (who looked/ran/walked/passed/unbelievably like his bro ?EUR" on a bad day).

The best was saved until last with a 22 man brawl/hand-bags in the 90th minute after a strong challenge from an unidentified Hammers Youth. The most impressive contributor to this ruck was again Sealey who sprinted ? 3/4 of the length of the pitch to get involved.

Another mad keeper called Sealey in nets for The Hammers - it appears the memory of Sir Les lives on?EUR??EUR??EUR??EUR??EUR??EUR??EUR?.

West Ham United: Sealey, Laws, A.Ferdinand, Ward, Tattam (Noble 75), McClenahan (Collington 75), G.Carrick, Lumsden, M.Cole, Morris (Blewitt 20), Pearson.

Subs not used: Reed, Wright.

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Match Facts

West Ham United: , , , , , , , , , , .

Goals: None.

Booked: None.

Sent off: None.

: .

Subs not used: .

Goals: .

Booked: .

Sent off: None.

Referee: .

Attendance: 0.

Man of the Match: .