Seven out of eight!

West Ham United iFC's fine start to the season continued this weekend with a 4-1 win over Preston North End B at the Flanders. Ian Batterbee reports.....

West Ham United looked to keep their strong start to the season going with a game against PNE (B).

With no Miles or White, the job once again fell to Ian Batterbee to manage the team for the day. The managers 100% victory credentials on the line, so he turned up late. Due to traffic of course.

On arrival, it was clear that there were a few new faces, and some not seen for a while. Meanwhile, James Dunn was delayed by the work of London Undergrounds finest planners.

The northerners had only had 10 players, and asked to borrow one. Colin Wells - turncoat extraordinaire - couldnt wait to pull on the PNE shirt, meaning he has now played as many games against us this season as for.....

Batters tried to get the PNE manager to accept that under league rules (which Batters was making up) they ought to forfeit the game a and have a friendly....he was having none of it.......

Unlike the real West Ham, we lined up in traditional 4-4-2 formation.

Heyward
Stafford - Crane - Tanner - Megehan
Coates - Grey - Ted - Boyce
Liddard - Batters

With a strong bench of Wes & Joe (Stu Heywards mates), Ken North, and Nathan Stafford.

The game started in a lively manner, not least with the oldest player on the pitch (who I am convinced was the bloke from Shameless) - yes, older than Wellsy - wiping out young Ted early on.

PNE - like West Ham's real team - passed the ball around nicely, before giving it back to us over an over again.

Stafford, Megehan, Tanner and Crane looked solid, Ted and Luke were picking up the pieces in midfield, and Coates and Boyce willing runners offering options on the wings.

Upfront, Batters and Liddard - in their first game together - took a little time to get an understanding, but - like Hart to Hart - when they met, it was murder (for PNE at least)

Midway through the first half, a lofted ball from Batters found Liddard, who knocked it home to give us the lead.

Mr Shameless (who took whinging to new levels) informed his teamates "any c**t can knock a ball over the top", and then proceeded to try to do the same, while actually passing to Tanner & Crane. For the record, he didnt manage one in 90 mins.

Our second came from a corner, Tanner and Batters challenged the PNE keeper (who had already been busy) and the ball fell to Liddard, who back to goal hooked it in. Ignore anything he tells you, it was NOT a bicycle or overhead kick.

Towards the end of the half, we were awarded another corner, taken by Boyce, the ball found its way back to him, and he cut in from the right, and drilled a left foot shot into the top corner.

Half time.

West Ham's squad was bolstered by the arrival of the only bloke I have ever seen with worse hair than Coatesy. Sideshow Bob - aka James Dunn (who assured the manager he was a right back) - came on for Stafford, and Tony Megehan - who had made a solid debut - gave up his place for Wes, who was to sit in midfield.

Crane slotted in at left back, and Luke Grey dropped back to join Tanner.

Sideshow looked uncomfortably at RB, as he is the only player more left footed than Martin Petrov, but he insisted on playing there, and improved as the half wore on.

It was apparent after 15 mins that this new set up wasnt working - not least that the oldie had been allowed to get one back for PNE, and lift a side that should have been dead and buried - so Wes dropped into the back four, and Luke and Ted resumed their midfield pairing.

If only Zola could show the same insight, and ability to make the right changes, we might not be in the bottom three.

Ken North came on for Coatsey, who had by now swapped wings with Boyce, and normal service was shorty resumed.

The Hammers went close, with Luke Grey heading Batters delightful cross at the top corner, only for the keeper to make a great save.

Finally, the we closed the game out with a shot from Boyce from 20 yards being palmed into the path of Grey who tapped home his 100th goal of the season.

Nathan Stafford came on for the last five for Boyce, and should have done better when presented with his chance. Shooting practice for you dear boy.....

Liddard - who hadnt forgotten the earlier tackle on Ted Diebelius - wiped out the oldie with moments to go with a comedy foul after the ball had left the pitch.

4-1 to us, and it was no more than we deserved.

Oh, and Batters 100% record continues........I might have mentioned that before......


A different staff writer notes: The win takes the Geeks to the top of the IFA League. The full league table can be found here:

http://www.freewebs.com/ifastats/0910table.htm

If you're at a loose end on Saturday morning the Geeks will be entertaining Watford at Flanders Field, Napier Road East Ham. Kick off 10:30am.