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We thought of giving Preview Percy a vote of no confidence but we though his response would be rude and insulting. A bit like the club’s really -only much, much, shorter. Palace next...

Next up the fixture computer throws up the second of two home fixtures in a row as we play host to Crystal Palace from (laughs) Croydon.




Kick-off is at 3pm but if you fancy a stroll prior to the game the good people of Hammers United are inviting you to join them at Marshgate Lane from about 12:45 onwards – maybe take the opportunity to show your gratitude to the club’s directors over what a great job they are doing as they pass by on their way to their marvellous stadium (watch them turn up at 11am now to avoid it all).

So Palace, then. Last season they finally won something which means that that I 50 years’ time they will be saying “we won the Cup once” as an alternative to the “we got 50,000 at a home game once” which has been their only claim to fame for 120 years.

For the benefit of their ludicrous supporters who have been too busy with their banners to actually watch the games their team is playing in, they’ve become treble chance specialists this season.

They opened the season with a goalless draw at Chelsea, drew 1-1 at home with Nottingham Forest – their latest object of an invented rivalry, beat yet to score in the league Aston Villa 3-0 up in Brum and returned to drawing ways last weekend with a 0-0 draw against Sunderland, which has left them in ninth with six points from four games.

Daisy tells me that their summer transfer window was unspectacular, with the major focus on being whether Liverpool’s dubious approach to sign Marc Guehi would pay off in the same way as the tactic had worked with Newcastle’s Isaak. Happily for Palace, Guehi didn’t elect to go on strike and played a straight bat and stayed put – for the time being.

Coming through the in door was Walter Benitez. The one-cap Argentinian international has been on the bench so far in the league but played in goal in the 1-1 draw with Millwall, saving some of the weakest penalties ever seen from a professional team in the process.

They brought in Croatian left back Borna Sosa from Ajax. I say Ajax. After one season in Amsterdam he was shifted out to Torino where he spent last season. After 20 appearances in Italy he failed to make much of an impression, and the option to buy was not exercised.

Ajax elected to cut their losses, accepting a massive £3m for the 27 year-old who has been capped at full level on 26 occasions.




They seemed to have a taste for goalkeepers, bringing in another free transfer in the form of Harry Lee who came up the A303 from Exeter on the expiry of his contract with the Grecians. Aged 20, he’s at the other end of the career to the 32 year-old Benitez he’s been filed in the “one for the future” cabinet.

They spent a bit more on Villareal midfielder Yeremy Pino who fetched £26m in coming across from the Iberian peninsula. The 21 times-capped Spanish international was part of the Spanish side that lost to Portugal on penalties UEFA Pointless Nations League this summer, though he missed out on the last Euros thanks to an anterior cruciate ligament injury.

Another £17m was expended on defender Jaydee Canvot, whose name looks like an anagram for something or other but probably isn’t. His sole appearance this season since his arrival from Toulouse was in the League Cup. Still a kid at 19 he’s been capped by his native France at every level up to Under 21.

The final arrival was Nigerian midfielder or striker Christantus Uche. He’s on a season long loan from Getafe, though the deal does contain an obligation to purchase at the end of that spell for a reported fee of £17.3m. He’s yet to score for Nigeria, save for the winning penalty in some tournament or other that wasn’t the African Cuppa Soup.

Enough of them. Let’s move o to the Wild and Wacky World of Association Football. And whenever one needs a laugh, one can always rely on Sheffield United who have re-recruited Chris Wilder, who they sacked in June to take over the club who have played and lost five this season.

Apparently his last sacking came from a disagreement with the club’s owners over their plans to use Artificial Intelligence in the club’s transfer dealings. Wilder left on the grounds that Sheffield had never shown any signs of intelligence as a city in the past and he was damned if it was going to happen on his watch.

Meanwhile, with relegation a possibility, the club’s legal team are sounding out bent journalists and gullible ex high-court judges to tap up in the vague hope that there is money to swindle out of the drop.

And so to us. Oh dear.




Well we were in the game until the sending off of Tomas Soucek but the second that Gillet produced the red card, that was it. Gillet could not have got that card out quicker, giving himself no time to think and, such is the inbuilt predisposition of VAR to back up PGMOL members irrespective of the circumstances, the chances of it being overturned were nil.

A look at a number of other matches over the weekend proved that matches can hinge less on the merits of the teams involved and more on which official you end up with.

I saw three, maybe four challenges on the box over the course of the weekend which not only involved more contact than the glancing blow delivered by Soucek, but were also clearly pre-meditated unlike the luckless Czech’s effort which came as the result of a stretch, the ball having bounced a bit further than anticipated after a slight miss-control.

One look at the Burnley v Liverpool game should tell anyone exactly why English referees are so ridiculed throughout the rest of the world.

Where red cards were due, Liverpool were allowed such leniency that one had in mind those friendly matches that get slightly naughty and the ref “invites” a manager to substitute a player (yes you Kerkez) on his fourth yellow offence on the half-hour.

Of course none of that excuses the fact that we couldn’t defend corners against a team whose sole tactic seemed to be based on winning them in the first place. It was a dismal performance in the second half and one wonders what the explanation would have been had the meeting held with fans last week had occurred after the match.

As it was, the board issued a communique which was an object lesson in using as many words as possible to say as little as possible whilst trying to give the appearance of saying as much as possible. Readers of this very column will know exactly what that looks like and, as something of an expert in the area, I can spot these things a mile off.

My particular favourite was the deflection of criticism of the training facilities at Rush Green. You see it’s not the facilities that make for a good training centre, it’s the people. Rush Green is not “substandard” apparently, it’s “unique”. Yeah, right.




The whole sorry mess – which someone got paid to write, don’t forget – can probably be summed up as saying “yeah we know things are bad, but what you gonna do?”

Last weekend the selection baffled me. I get it that Callum Wilson is in his thirties and 90 minutes is probably beyond him, but come on. He was on fire in the previous match and it was only Tottenham. Surely you’d start a striker against them, for Pete’s sake.

Still, the attack of good taste at the ground meant that the away supporting muppets weren’t able to celebrate their Cup Final win with a half-and-half scarf which is as big a tradition as having dandruff amongst their support.

For this weekend, there are three on the absent list. Soucek is suspended for not playing for Liverpool, Aaron Wan-Bissaka we are now told has a abdominal injury which will keep him out of contention for another week or so and, for some reason, Luis Guilherme is still listed as injured, even though he played for half an hour last week. Probably a misprint.

So to the prediction. Damned if I know. We are so Jekyll & Hyde at the moment – even during the same game – that it’s impossible to say what’s going to happen.

With that in mind, I’m going to go with the visitors’ pools coupon banker status and stick my money on a draw. So the £2.50 I was going to chip in to buy the club the services of a copywriter capable of churning out something not quite as insulting to the intelligence, will instead be going on a Winstone’s Wager Slip bearing the details of a 1-1 draw.

Enjoy the game!




When last we met at The Olympic: Lost 0-2 (Premier League January 2025)
Every single player had an off day, except Mavropanos, who had a month of off days all at once culminating with two yellows.

Referee: Thomas Herrington
Using the language and euphemism of the club’s statement, he’s not a substandard referee, he’s a unique one.

Danger Man: Jean-Phillipe Mateta
Scored twice in the corresponding fixture last season and is the likeliest threat in the absence of Saar

Percy and Daisy’s Amazing Croydon Fact Of The Week Type Thing
Charlie Chaplin was once kidnapped at Croydon Aerodrome by a Clapham Music Hall owner who wanted him to perform at his venue. Chaplin didn’t care on the grounds that at least he was out of Croydon.

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