The nine lives of West Ham United

West Ham United have nine league games remaining to retain our top-flight status but also some semblance of fiscal fluidity following the news last Friday that the club are in the financial mire.

Income reduced, poorly structured transfers invariably leading to players signed, moving on to pay for the money owed on themselves. All overseen by someone with a thinly stocked CV, primarily employed to sneer at those with dubious business acumen.


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It also wouldn’t shock me that the delayed, late announcement of the accounts, and our boards desire to bury bad news, resulted in a conference call to the American president, saying ‘Now Don, Now’ Start a war, we need to disguise our ineptness, such was the timing of the events of last week. Only at West Ham.

However, away from the dismay about off the pitch. Let us see what we have in prospect to navigate through.


Saturday 14th March – Manchester City (Home)

Fresh from annoying, primarily the whole our support by not beating Nottingham Forest and secondly the rest of the football world by handing the title imitative back to Arsenal. This has bitter disappointment written all over it. Our record against them, since we moved to the London Stadium and the Citizens winning the Arab lottery is nothing short of abysmal. In ten league games, we have managed to pick up just two draws. Conceding 28 goals in the process. Surely, they will not slip up in the league for a second game in a row with the title still to play for. My prediction is a 3-1 defeat.


Sunday 22nd March – Aston Villa (Away)

After a run which saw Villa propel themselves into the title reckoning, things have gone badly wrong at Villa Park. At the time of writing just one in their last six games. Still embroiled in a European campaign, with by modern standards, a small squad. It could help play into our hands. I will go for a fatigue and low morale aided 2-1 triumph for us. In addition, demand my tea is tested for doping.


Friday 10th April – Wolves (Home)

This worries me. Twice already, this season we failed to beat Wolves when they were at their worst. Now they have picked up form. Look more confident and incisive. Our support will be going in to this confident. I will more apprehensive, the only positive I can see arising from this is by the time of kick off I will have fully thawed out from our freezing capitulation at Molineux in January. A demoralising 2-0 defeat.


Monday 20th April – Crystal Palace (Away)

Oh the joys. A Monday night in South London, at the worst away end in the top flight. A couple of weeks ago I had them down as the team to most likely to be tangled up in the relegation battle. Guehi departing, Glasner off, Mateta unsettled, and Europe being a distraction (oh how our continental cousins must love watching from the decrepit Terry Waite Stand). However, they have managed to fashion a run to ease away from the drop. We will win and in style. 3-1.


Saturday 25th April – Everton (Home)

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They sit eighth currently, despite appearing to be a functional, yet uninspiring side, with a support getting irritated by the style. Sounds familiar. David Moyes channelling his Elton John, ‘Circle of Life’ mantra to the fullest. It will be full of attrition, it will be nervy, it will be decided by a late Soucek goal. I hope that in the right net. 1-0 to us.


Saturday 2nd May – Brentford (Away)

I detest Brentford. I hate every club bar West Ham and to be honest they annoy me a lot too. However, I am going to give Brentford boss, Keith Andrews, some praise here. After losing a core of his prime players in the summer, he has done an amazing job in his first season. They still have that mini Arsenal vibe, all dark arts and set pieces, air about them. Nevertheless, credit where it’s due, he has done well. However, horrible team, horrible little poky ground at which we have a horrible record. We will succumb to a 2-0 loss.


Saturday 9th May – Arsenal (Home)

Sadly cannot see us getting anything. Traditionally poor record against them. They will be desperate for the points to secure that 2nd place again. There will be cheating, deception and infuriating behaviour. Not just by the London Stadium security, buy the visiting team as usual. A frustrating and anger inducing 3-1 defeat.


Sunday 1th May – Newcastle (Away)

It is a tough trip. A Geordie team capable of anything. Devastating one week, disastrous the next. Attacking talent, midfield creativity. However, by then I expect them to be battling for nothing but pride, while we need the points. Enigmatic v desperate. 1-1.


Sunday 24th May – Leeds (Home)

By then I am hoping my predicted 1o points will see us safe and Tottenham looking forward to trips to Preston and Lincoln. However, life is not always fair. There is every chance this could be a shootout to stay up. We will need a Seville style home atmosphere and ultimate commitment, effort and ability from our team. We will also need the officials, premier league and Stockley Park to be on board. It will be a rollercoaster of a day. A 1-1 draw and safety. Just...

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