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Since we tried to sell Preview Percy the other week, something that was immediately followed by a letter from Daisy’s solicitors claiming ownership, the old fool himself has been in touch to claim that he was left to TV’s Victoria Coren-Mitchell in somebody’s will. Needless to say the will is being contested. By Victoria Coren-Mitchell. Here’s his look at Tuesday’s trip to Southampton...

Next up we make a midweek hop down the M3 to the St Mary’s stadium where we will be hosted by Southampton in a League Cup 2nd round tie. As is the norm for this competition, should the scores Ibe level after 90 minutes, kicks from the penalty mark will be utilised without recourse to the more traditional 30 minutes of extra time.




Southampton then. Or M.I. Southampton as they have become known since their hilariously inept attempt at espionage put paid to their promotion hopes at the end of last season. As well as getting them kicked out of the playoffs, they also started this season with a four-point deduction. Most observers, well me anyway, think that the deduction ought to have been doubled. Not for the cheating that went on as such, but more for the bodge job they mase of it.

The key word in the phrase “covert surveillance” is the word “covert”. Clearly somebody had borrowed Southampton’s dictionary at the time – the Beano had a particularly testing crossword as I recall. This meant that Southampton’s Q sent his man out into the field with a second-hand iPhone and the instruction “if anyone spots you hide behind a tree”. Which might have been doable had the hapless analyst not chosen what looked like the thinnest tree on Teeside as his vantage point.

The disciplinary processes aren’t done with yet, either, with “M” in the form of manager Tonda Eckert awaiting the result of FA charges, with Southampton’s original assertation that the surveillance had not been ordered by management being comprehensively dismissed by their later statement that the espionage had been ordered by management after all.

On top of that my attention has been drawn to Ekert’s wiki page which suggests that his Dad is a retired computer engineering expert specialising in “blockchain technology and video surveillance” Now yes it’s wiki so needs taking with copious amounts of Sodium Chloride, but if true it’s rather amusing!

So far this season they lost 2-1 at Watford on the opening day, before beating Stoke 3-1 at home this weekend, which keeps them in bottom spot on minus a point. In this competition they eased past Colchester 2-0 to set up this second-round clash.

Now usually at this point, Daisy looks at the summer signings but deadlines being what they are this week, and given that we play them in the league in October she has elected to put her efforts in to that preview.




However, one couldn’t go any further without mentioning the recent loan signing of Divin Mubama who left us for Man City for a £2m compensation fee, seemingly never to be seen again. In fact after a handful of games in the Man City academy and Cup sides he was shipped out to Stoke on loan where he scored 5 in 26 before injury messed up his season. He pitched up at St Mary’s, coming on as sub at Watford and opening his Saints account against Stoke who must have been muttering something about ingratitude.

And on we move to the Wild & Wacky World Of Association Football. And video highlight of the week was the sight of Harry Maguire defending a corner in Hull’s amusing defeat of Man Utd. As the ball came across from a corner he was tight to his man, arms around him ensuring that he couldn’t get on the ball. Unfortunately, slab head took the instruction on staying close to “his” man too literally – the player in question being team-mate Nazroui, who as a consequence, was of little use in clearing as the Hull eventually buried the loose ball to open the scoring.

Elsewhere it is said that Man City are about to sign Ayoub Bouadi. a young Moroccan who is usually described as a “teenage maths genius”. He won’t go straight into the first XI though, His first task will be to collate and cross-reference the finances for those 115 charges, the results of which are confidently expected just in time for the next total solar eclipse visible from the UK. In 2090.

And so to us. Many moons ago – 20+ years ago maybe? - I wrote of a board game known in this country as Frustration. It features a device called a “Pop-O-Matic” dice in which the dice were thrown by pressing on a plastic dome mounted on a sprung piece of metal, which made an annoying popping noise, though the Frustration name was not believed to be the feeling of parents hearing that blessed noise all Christmas. However that was the feeling one had walking away from the Ozempic on Saturday afternoon.

I mentioned in my preview that this was likely to be one of those games, of which we will see many this season where, the opponents will come to sneak a point. So under those circumstances it’s vitally important to not concede the first goal. So we did. Whilst the rest of the game – particularly the second half – was by and large one way traffic there was always danger on the break and it’s thus vitally important not to (literally) give away a second goal. Yes Mavropanos I’m talking about you.

Whilst we had many efforts on goal, most of them finished weakly. However, as the second half progressed the chances started to look more clear cut and the visitors’ ‘keeper was forced into a number of saves. The goal was coming and the otherwise ineffective Piroe was on hand to bury a rebound. From then on it looked like the pitch had been jacked-up at one end such was the direction of flow.




Ex-Hammer Conor Coventry threw us a lifeline by blocking a shot with both hands. Now call me a bleeding-heart liberal but some things deserve the death penalty and stuttering run-up penalties are, along with the London Borough of Croydon, right up towards the top of that list. When he had finished re-enacting one of the more convoluted dance steps pioneered by Gene Kelly, Taty blasted the ball on to the post, thus throwing away the point that the balance of play probably merited.

I’m worried about Taty. He seems to want to pick a fight with the known universe at present and there are shadows of post-relegation Defoe in his attitude at present. This league is full of wind-up merchants and he seems to fall for some of the oldest tricks in the book. Just imagine what Millwall will do to him if he isn’t already suspended next month.

Deadlines being what they are I haven’t been able to update the injury list as such, though the much-missed Souceck is rumoured to be looking at Millwall away for a return.

Which brings us to the little matter of the prediction. Again the team selection will be a bit odd, the usual “resting” of players being tempered by the need to give Engels and Piroe as much game time as possible – whilst Saturday showed glimpses of quality from the pair here and there, they still looked like a couple of players who had arrived only a few days previously.

So the prediction then. Tough one. So I’m going to make my wager based on the tie being settled after recourse to kicks from the penalty mark. The £2.50 that I would have spent on a better disguise for any, er “reconnaissance” missions that I might go on will instead be put on the match finishing 2-2 after 90 minutes and the coin came down heads so I’ll take us to go through once all the kicks from the penalty mark have been completed.

Enjoy the game!




When Last We Met At St Mary’s: Won 1-0 (Premier League December 2024)
Soler ought to have given us the lead early on, hitting the bar when scoring would have been easier. Southampton decided to adopt a policy of anything you can do we can do worse, missing a string of chances donated by our policy of allowing free headers at every cross. The one time they looked to have got one on target Fabianski pulled off a fine save. In the second half Rodriguez received a straight red, the card rightly being downgraded after a VAR review. Bowen popped up in “fox in the box” mode to tap home a loose ball from close range to give us all three points.
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Referee: Adam Herczeg
Did the first round match against Portsmouth in which both sides might have finished a player light had a less liberal interpretation of the laws of the game been applied.

Danger Man: Divin Mubama
Hasn’t got a point to prove – we had no say in his departure. However, it is in the nature of these things that he will do so anyway.

Percy & Daisy’s Southampton Fact Of The Week Type Thing
In 1620 a load of religious zealots got fed up with being unable to impose their miserable puritanical views on an English population who, by and large, wasn’t that averse to enjoying itself once in a while. So they set off from Southampton and, after a few false starts ended up in what eventually became the Commonwealth of Massachusetts. So if you’re looking for someone to blame for the current state of affairs over there, Southampton would be a good place to start.

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