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There are football derbies, and then there are football derbies which cause the police to become interested in the weather forecast.

On Saturday, after 14 years of separation, West Ham and Millwall meet again in a competitive fixture. It is being described as a return of the Dockers' Derby, which is rather like describing the return of a particularly unpleasant family argument as a reunion.




The last competitive meeting was in February 2012, when West Ham won 2–1 at The Den. It has taken West Ham's relegation to bring us together again.

There are probably more dignified ways of arranging a reunion, but West Ham have never been particularly concerned with dignity. The match takes place at The Den at 12.30 on Saturday, which is presumably intended to give everyone plenty of time to finish lunch before beginning the afternoon's mutual disapproval.

Millwall's Jake Cooper has already warned that the atmosphere will be ferocious, while the Metropolitan Police are taking the occasion sufficiently seriously to deploy around 400 officers. So that should be relaxing.

On the pitch, however, West Ham arrive in considerably better spirits than they did at the beginning of the season. Four consecutive Championship victories have lifted Nuno Espírito Santo's side to the top of the table, with six goals against Wrexham last weekend following wins over Bolton, Derby and Wolves.

The Hammers have also scored more goals than any other side in the division.

This is all rather alarming for West Ham supporters. We have spent years being trained to regard optimism as a dangerous psychological condition. Now the team is winning football matches, scoring goals and sitting at the top of the league. Something clearly needs to be done before anybody starts believing this is going to be easy.




The Wrexham match was particularly encouraging. Six goals, no reply and the sort of second-half performance that suggested somebody had finally located the instruction manual. Jarrod Bowen continues to look increasingly important, while Joel Piroe and Taty Castellanos have given the attack a rather more convincing edge.

Millwall, meanwhile, have had a rather less agreeable time of it. Their recent league run contains defeats by Southampton, Wrexham and Blackburn, although they did put four past Bolton and then drew 2–2 at Middlesbrough. They currently sit 11th, but this is precisely the sort of fixture in which league positions can be filed under "irrelevant information".

Because this isn't really about league positions. It isn't even particularly about football. It is about two clubs from the same part of London whose supporters have spent decades perfecting the art of explaining why the other club is morally, culturally and aesthetically inferior.

Millwall will point out that West Ham have been relegated. West Ham will point out that they are top of the Championship. Millwall will point out that West Ham play in Stratford. West Ham will point out that Millwall play at The Den. Someone will mention the 1926 General Strike. Someone else will mention Upton Park.

And somewhere in the background an elderly man will explain, at considerable length, why football was better in 1978.

This is what makes the fixture so entertaining. There is history here, but not the sort of history that sits quietly in a museum. This is history with a grievance.




West Ham's danger is obvious. They have become accustomed to winning, and there is always something faintly suspicious about a West Ham side enjoying itself. The six-goal demolition of Wrexham was followed by a 3–2 defeat to Fulham in the Carabao Cup, although the consolation is that the cup has now ceased to clutter the fixture list and West Ham can concentrate on the Championship.

Millwall will not care about any of that. They will regard Saturday as an opportunity to remind their neighbours that football in south east London has not been entirely conquered by television money, global branding and people who say content strategy.

West Ham, for their part, need to demonstrate that their recent run is more than a brief outbreak of competence. This is precisely the sort of game in which a promotion candidate has to behave like a promotion candidate. Unfortunately, it is also precisely the sort of game in which West Ham have historically demonstrated that behaving sensibly is not really their thing.

Expect noise. Expect nerves. Expect the first 15 minutes to resemble a minor military operation. Expect tackles which are technically legal but nevertheless seem to require a solicitor. Expect every throw-in to be treated as a matter of constitutional importance. And expect absolutely no quarter to be given.

The sensible view is that West Ham's current form gives them plenty of reason for confidence. The emotional view, based on supporting this club for any length of time, is that the moment anyone says West Ham should win this, the football gods begin sharpening their knives. So I shall avoid tempting fate.

West Ham are top of the Championship. Millwall are 11th. West Ham have won four league games in succession. Millwall have won one of their last five. West Ham have just beaten Wrexham 6–0. And this is a derby at The Den. In other words, absolutely nothing can possibly go wrong.




Prediction

Millwall 1–2 West Ham Utd: West Ham to score late, celebrate as though they have won the World Cup, and spend the following week explaining to everyone that the match was actually quite comfortable. Which, naturally, it wasn't.

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