Search found 367 matches

by Westcliffspur
Sat Dec 02, 2023 11:52 pm
Forum: Romford's Snug
Topic: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
Replies: 9713
Views: 1670201

Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

My wife got me a Russian advent calendar.
.
Every time Ive opened a window an oligarch fell out.
by Westcliffspur
Wed Nov 29, 2023 1:56 pm
Forum: Romford's Snug
Topic: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
Replies: 9713
Views: 1670201

Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Noble Man wrote: Tue Nov 28, 2023 4:44 pm A mate of mine who is Spurs fan giver me lift to work today. Went from first to fifth in the blink of an eye.

Lol.

Im just plrased he hasnt gotvsn 8th or 9th gear.
by Westcliffspur
Tue Nov 28, 2023 7:32 am
Forum: Romford's Snug
Topic: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
Replies: 9713
Views: 1670201

Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Apparently lots of boiled eggs are being sent to Gaza.

There are reports of heavy shelling in the area,
by Westcliffspur
Tue Nov 28, 2023 7:30 am
Forum: Romford's Snug
Topic: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
Replies: 9713
Views: 1670201

Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

While at primary school, Noddy Holder was caught having a snack in class. His teacher let out a roar. "HOLDER, WHAT ARE YOU EATING?" Noddy shouted back." IT's CRISPS MISS".
by Westcliffspur
Tue Nov 28, 2023 7:26 am
Forum: Romford's Snug
Topic: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
Replies: 9713
Views: 1670201

Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Well, it's getting to that time of year when my wife gets drunk and gives her annual blow job.

I hope it's me this year.
by Westcliffspur
Mon Nov 27, 2023 10:32 am
Forum: Romford's Snug
Topic: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
Replies: 9713
Views: 1670201

Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

A doctor told us she thought my grandad had developed both severe Tourettes and cataracts.

But he swore blind that he hadn’t.
by Westcliffspur
Mon Nov 27, 2023 10:26 am
Forum: Romford's Snug
Topic: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
Replies: 9713
Views: 1670201

Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

My father was born a 'Conjoined twin'
His brother was my uncle on my father's side, once removed.
by Westcliffspur
Sun Nov 26, 2023 10:21 am
Forum: Romford's Snug
Topic: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
Replies: 9713
Views: 1670201

Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

I bought my wife a slinky dress for her birthday, she looked amazing coming down the stairs.
by Westcliffspur
Sat Nov 25, 2023 9:37 pm
Forum: Romford's Snug
Topic: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
Replies: 9713
Views: 1670201

Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

A good friend of mine died recently in his local pub

His wife asked him to go out shopping for some cotton but he went to the pub instead for the whole day

Gone but not for cotton.
by Westcliffspur
Sat Nov 25, 2023 8:08 am
Forum: Romford's Snug
Topic: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
Replies: 9713
Views: 1670201

Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

I Passed wind in the High Street today,

I should have asked him if he still sings with earth and fire
by Westcliffspur
Fri Nov 24, 2023 9:50 pm
Forum: Romford's Snug
Topic: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
Replies: 9713
Views: 1670201

Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Esther Rantzen and Janet Street-Porter sit down to eat at a restaurant. A waiter comes over and says “Can I interest you two ladies in a small aperitif?”
by Westcliffspur
Fri Nov 24, 2023 5:53 pm
Forum: Romford's Snug
Topic: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
Replies: 9713
Views: 1670201

Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

I think the wife has started to show the first signs of Alzheimer's.

She said she can't remember what she ever saw in me.
by Westcliffspur
Fri Nov 24, 2023 3:03 pm
Forum: Romford's Snug
Topic: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
Replies: 9713
Views: 1670201

Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Push harder!" I shouted to my wife while she was in labour.
"You b*stard!" she screamed back at me. Bit harsh, I thought - it wasn't my fault the car broke down on the way to the hospital
by Westcliffspur
Fri Nov 24, 2023 3:02 pm
Forum: Romford's Snug
Topic: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
Replies: 9713
Views: 1670201

Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

My car wasn't going in the direction I wanted it to, so I took to a specialist in Wales, who fixed it in no time.

I can highly recommend Powys Steering.
by Westcliffspur
Fri Nov 24, 2023 3:01 pm
Forum: Romford's Snug
Topic: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
Replies: 9713
Views: 1670201

Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

I was having a tattoo of an Indian on my back.
Halfway through I said to the tattooist "Don't forget his tomahawk."
The tattooist said, "Give me a chance mate, I ain't finished his turban yet."
by Westcliffspur
Fri Nov 24, 2023 2:59 pm
Forum: Romford's Snug
Topic: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
Replies: 9713
Views: 1670201

Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

A very loud, unattractive, hard-faced woman walks into Tesco with her two kids in tow, screaming obscenities at them all the way through the entrance. The door greeter says, "Good morning and welcome to Tesco, nice children you've got there. Are they twins?" The fat ugly woman stops scream...
by Westcliffspur
Fri Nov 24, 2023 2:56 pm
Forum: Romford's Snug
Topic: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
Replies: 9713
Views: 1670201

Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

An old lady is sitting in an old persons home looking out the window when an old man walks up to her and says "I know we can no longer take pleasure is sexual activities but could you come to the park with me and hold my penis?" Seeing no harm in this she agrees and it becomes a regular oc...
by Westcliffspur
Fri Nov 24, 2023 2:54 pm
Forum: Romford's Snug
Topic: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
Replies: 9713
Views: 1670201

Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

My doctor suggested I should get a vegetable patch and I'm glad he did because now I have managed to give up vegetables altogether
by Westcliffspur
Fri Nov 24, 2023 2:53 pm
Forum: Romford's Snug
Topic: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
Replies: 9713
Views: 1670201

Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

I had my wallet stolen by a little Swiss mountain girl but luckily I was able to pick her out of a Heidi parade.
by Westcliffspur
Fri Nov 24, 2023 2:51 pm
Forum: Romford's Snug
Topic: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
Replies: 9713
Views: 1670201

Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

When I was a kid I called my hamster Marilyn Monroe because it used to gnaw my jeans.