The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

[pablo jaye]

A Scotsman walks into a bar and looks for the Englishman and Irishman .... but they are still in Japan.

[Dover KUMB fan]

I’m fed up with people moaning about the price of things
£1:50 for a tea, £2 for a coffee, £3 for slice of cake, £2:50 for parking.
Honestly, if they don’t stop moaning I might stop inviting them round my house

[Rocketron]

I’m fed up with people moaning about the price of things
£1:50 for a tea, £2 for a coffee, £3 for slice of cake, £2:50 for parking.
Honestly, if they don’t stop moaning I might stop inviting them round my house

Awaits monkeybubbles

[Monkeybubbles]

I've given up with Dover.

[Dover KUMB fan]

I've given up with Dover.

I think I’m getting senile in my dotage.
On the plus side, I do make new friends every day

[Eggs'n'nuts]

I built a scale model of a Boeing 747 out of sheets of A4 paper and envelopes. I held it all together with paper clips and decorated it with postage stamps.

By the time I finished, I couldn't afford the fuel to fly it; so I left it stationary.

[Sauce!]

Good news everyone. Only three more Brexit extensions until Christmas!

[Chicken Run Supreme]

Can't believe it's only October and there are arseholes setting off fireworks this bloody early! They made the dog crap itself last night and she knocked over our Christmas Tree!!

[pablo jaye]

Two sperm are swimming along, and one turns to the other and says ‘Are we anywhere near the ovaries yet?’

The other replies ‘Nah, we’ve not even passed the tonsils!’

[only1post]

A Scotsman walks into a bar and looks for the Englishman and Irishman .... but they are still in Japan.

At least the sweaty will have the Irishman and can sub in the taffy for the Englishman to drink with now.

[Sauce!]

So it’s Halloween and that makes it ok for ten year old kids to come round my house and beg for sweets, but when I park my car outside the school gates and offer sweets to ten year old kids that makes me a pervert.

[The Collector]

At least the sweaty will have the Irishman and can sub in the taffy for the Englishman to drink with now.

Scotsman, Welshman and an Irishman walk into a pub and find it full of silent Englishmen.

[Sauce!]

I just met the manager of the Chinese restaurant where Toyah Willcox eats.

It's a Mr Wei.

[Dover KUMB fan]

I shall be using that elsewhere :lol:

[pablo jaye]

Sauce! Excellent!

[Samba]

I shall be using that elsewhere :lol:

Use it on here, in a year's time.
Just to check, you know..

[Samba]

Following the events at Picadilly Theatre this week, Arthur Miller's famous play, 'Death of a Salesman' has been renamed, 'Death of the Audience'..

[Sauce!]

Following the events at Picadilly Theatre this week, Arthur Miller's famous play, 'Death of a Salesman' has been renamed, 'Death of the Audience'..

The play was so good it brought the house down.

[vietnammer]

A limbo dancer walks into a bar and is immediately disqualified

[ageing hammer]

I told my wife that when I die I am going to leave everything to her.

She said "You already do you lazy bastarrd"