The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by vietnammer »

The person who invented autocorrect has passed away. May they roast in piss.

(stolen from Cuenca)
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Dover KUMB fan »

I went into the NatWest earlier, & the cashier burst into a rendition of 'Downtown'
I thought 'What a Peculiar clerk'
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Westcliffspur »

My boss called me yesterday and said, "Where the hell are you?" I said, "I'm relaxing in my garden with my mate Pete, I'm already on my 4th can of lager." "I don't ****ing believe you!" He shouted. "Hang on," I said, holding the phone away from me, "Pete, isn't this my 4th can?"
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Sauce! »

I phoned the incontinence clinic emergency helpline today.

"Where are you ringing from?"

“The waist down".
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by uptonparkhurst »

Apparently a typo has been found in the Irish version of the King James Bible (GENESIS 6)

ENGLISH VERSION
Thus did Noah; according to all that God commanded him, so did he

IRISH VERSION
Thus did Noah; according to all that God commanded him, so he did
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by ageing hammer »

:D :thup:
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by r99c »

Don't wear Ukrainian boxers.

Chernobyl fallout!
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Samba »

PC World – you’ve got to be careful what you say in there.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Hammer.CA »

So R I P boiling water,
You will be mist.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Hammer.CA »

Swiss archaeologists have discovered that William Tell and his son used to play in a bowling league but historians have been unable to determine the names of any of the teams.
So we will never get to know for whom the Tells bowled.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by uptonparkhurst »

Hammer.CA wrote:Swiss archaeologists have discovered that William Tell and his son used to play in a bowling league but historians have been unable to determine the names of any of the teams.
So we will never get to know for whom the Tells bowled.
:lol: :thup:
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Westcliffspur »

Royal Scott Crystal are commissioning a commemorative statue of Anthony Joshua celebrating his first fight in the USA.

It's very authentic - the statue is made out of the same glass as his chin.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Westcliffspur »

I think the elderly man next door is obsessed with Beatles songs.
Every time I walk past I hear him shouting "Help!"
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by psychoscoredthelot »

Westcliffspur wrote:My boss called me yesterday and said, "Where the hell are you?" I said, "I'm relaxing in my garden with my mate Pete, I'm already on my 4th can of lager." "I don't ****ing believe you!" He shouted. "Hang on," I said, holding the phone away from me, "Pete, isn't this my 4th can?"
:thup:
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by don't burst my bubble »

Westcliffspur wrote:Royal Scott Crystal are commissioning a commemorative statue of Anthony Joshua celebrating his first fight in the USA.

It's very authentic - the statue is made out of the same glass as his chin.
Did you make that up ?
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Dover KUMB fan »

Westcliffspur wrote:I think the elderly man next door is obsessed with Beatles songs.
Every time I walk past I hear him shouting "Help!"
I laughed loudly at that. I’m such a bad person
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Westcliffspur »

An old man and his wife are getting ready for bed one night when all of a sudden, the old lady bursts out of the bathroom, flings open her robe and yells, "Super pussy!" The old man says, "I'll have the soup!
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Sauce! »

All of Jack Dee’s children are bright, but Ellie is the brightest.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by S-H »

Sauce! wrote:All of Jack Dee’s children are bright, but Ellie is the brightest.
Nicking that one.

:D
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Greatest Cockney Rip Off »

Did you hear about the two bedbugs that are engaged?

They're getting married in the spring. . .
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