The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Anything goes in The Snug, the GD's rebellious little brother. An off-topic den of iniquity for non-football/news related musings.

Moderators: chalks, the pink palermo, -DL-, Gnome, Rio, bristolhammerfc

Post Reply
Hammer.CA
Posts: 1739
Joined: Thu Jan 10, 2013 10:37 pm

Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Hammer.CA » Thu Aug 22, 2019 5:37 pm

O’Toole applied for a forklift job at a famous Irish firm based in Dublin.
A Norwegian applied for the same job and since both applicants had similar qualifications, they were asked to take a test and led to a quiet room with no interruptions by the Manager.
When the results were in, both men had scored 19 out of 20.
The manager went to O’Toole and said: "Thank you for coming to the interview, but we've decided to give the Norwegian the job."
And why would you be doing that? replied O'Toole, "We both got 19 questions correct. This being Ireland and me being Irish surely I should get the job?"
The manager responded, "We have made our decision not on the correct answers, but on the question you got wrong."
"And just how would one incorrect answer be better than another?"
That's simple. On question number 7 the Norwegian wrote down -
'I don't know.'
You put down -
'Neither do I.'

User avatar
Sauce!
Posts: 5915
Joined: Thu Jan 19, 2006 8:47 pm
Location: sitting on a bucket on a hamper in the corner of the old wigwam.

Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Sauce! » Thu Aug 22, 2019 6:01 pm

My grief counsellor died suddenly today.

Fortunately he was so good I couldn’t give a toss.

User avatar
Greatest Cockney Rip Off
Posts: 15665
Joined: Tue Dec 02, 2003 12:29 am
Location: The oil drum in the Garden of England
Contact:

Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Greatest Cockney Rip Off » Thu Aug 22, 2019 9:07 pm

Apparently Chas & Dave once recorded a single with Samuel L Jackson.

It's called "Knees Up Mother****er"

User avatar
Sauce!
Posts: 5915
Joined: Thu Jan 19, 2006 8:47 pm
Location: sitting on a bucket on a hamper in the corner of the old wigwam.

Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Sauce! » Thu Aug 22, 2019 10:09 pm

Welcome to the Alzheimer’s Support webpage.

Please enter your fifteen digit password.

User avatar
devonshire flu
Posts: 1482
Joined: Thu Apr 12, 2007 12:06 am
Location: Kirkcaldy

Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by devonshire flu » Thu Aug 22, 2019 11:57 pm

Greatest Cockney Rip Off wrote:Apparently Chas & Dave once recorded a single with Samuel L Jackson.

It's called "Knees Up Mother****er"
Now that is funny.

Westcliffspur
Posts: 515
Joined: Thu Aug 29, 2013 9:12 pm

Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Westcliffspur » Sat Aug 24, 2019 8:30 pm

Sauce! wrote:Welcome to the Alzheimer’s Support webpage.

Please enter your fifteen digit password.
Made me laugh aloud

User avatar
Greatest Cockney Rip Off
Posts: 15665
Joined: Tue Dec 02, 2003 12:29 am
Location: The oil drum in the Garden of England
Contact:

Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Greatest Cockney Rip Off » Sun Aug 25, 2019 9:46 am

My reclining chair and I go way back...

User avatar
Suffolk Iron
Posts: 376
Joined: Fri Oct 14, 2011 5:03 pm

Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Suffolk Iron » Sun Aug 25, 2019 2:34 pm

Bumped into a Chinese guy as I.went the pub. "Have you seen my cocaine?" He asked.

" Not since The Italian Job" I thought. I didn't reply because that could be misconstrued.

User avatar
The Old Man of Storr
Posts: 20823
Joined: Tue Jan 13, 2009 11:17 am
Location: Lost In the Recesses Of My Mind .

Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by The Old Man of Storr » Mon Aug 26, 2019 8:52 am

Suffolk Iron wrote:Bumped into a Chinese guy as I.went the pub. "Have you seen my cocaine?" He asked.

" Not since The Italian Job" I thought. I didn't reply because that could be misconstrued.

I know we shouldn't laugh at these type of jokes nowadays but....... :lol:

User avatar
Sauce!
Posts: 5915
Joined: Thu Jan 19, 2006 8:47 pm
Location: sitting on a bucket on a hamper in the corner of the old wigwam.

Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Sauce! » Mon Aug 26, 2019 11:59 am

'Mummy, what is dark humour?'

'Well sweetheart, you see that man over there with no arms?'

'No Mummy, I'm blind'

'Exactly.'

User avatar
ageing hammer
Posts: 19874
Joined: Thu Jan 03, 2008 9:04 am
Location: Cockney Hammer's stunt double

Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by ageing hammer » Mon Aug 26, 2019 2:45 pm

I think my wife is dealing in drugs, the phone rang and when I answered some bloke asked,

"is that dope gone yet"

User avatar
Eggs'n'nuts
Posts: 1587
Joined: Mon Oct 14, 2013 5:10 pm
Location: Strolling, just strolling.

Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Eggs'n'nuts » Tue Aug 27, 2019 4:14 pm

Suffolk and Sauce! :lol:

User avatar
Patito
Posts: 10112
Joined: Sun Mar 15, 2015 12:51 pm
Location: Irons

Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Patito » Tue Aug 27, 2019 4:41 pm

Sauce! wrote:'Mummy, what is dark humour?'

'Well sweetheart, you see that man over there with no arms?'

'No Mummy, I'm blind'

'Exactly.'

Ffs I'm going to hell. Image

User avatar
Sauce!
Posts: 5915
Joined: Thu Jan 19, 2006 8:47 pm
Location: sitting on a bucket on a hamper in the corner of the old wigwam.

Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Sauce! » Tue Aug 27, 2019 5:11 pm

“When the pupil is ready, the teacher will come”.

A great Chinese proverb, but a crap defence in court.

lewisham-mer
Posts: 1599
Joined: Fri Feb 04, 2011 9:21 am
Location: Um...Lewisham...

Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by lewisham-mer » Wed Aug 28, 2019 4:12 pm

A friend of mine, who has a stutter, was telling us about his nana.

By the time he was finished we were all singing Hey Jude

User avatar
Greatest Cockney Rip Off
Posts: 15665
Joined: Tue Dec 02, 2003 12:29 am
Location: The oil drum in the Garden of England
Contact:

Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Greatest Cockney Rip Off » Wed Aug 28, 2019 8:30 pm

lewisham-mer wrote:A friend of mine, who has a stutter, was telling us about his nana.

By the time he was finished we were all singing Hey Jude
Bravo sir ! :lol:

User avatar
ageing hammer
Posts: 19874
Joined: Thu Jan 03, 2008 9:04 am
Location: Cockney Hammer's stunt double

Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by ageing hammer » Wed Aug 28, 2019 9:53 pm

Lewisham top notch as usual :D

User avatar
Greatest Cockney Rip Off
Posts: 15665
Joined: Tue Dec 02, 2003 12:29 am
Location: The oil drum in the Garden of England
Contact:

Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Greatest Cockney Rip Off » Thu Aug 29, 2019 8:41 am

My Chinese friend next door said to me "I've opened a crows shop"

I said, "Don't you mean a clothes shop?"

He said, "No, a crows shop, come and take a rook."

User avatar
ageing hammer
Posts: 19874
Joined: Thu Jan 03, 2008 9:04 am
Location: Cockney Hammer's stunt double

Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by ageing hammer » Thu Aug 29, 2019 9:53 am

I have to say the last few pages on here have been brilliant well done everyone and keep 'em coming. :scarfer:

User avatar
Sauce!
Posts: 5915
Joined: Thu Jan 19, 2006 8:47 pm
Location: sitting on a bucket on a hamper in the corner of the old wigwam.

Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Sauce! » Fri Aug 30, 2019 9:27 am

Recreate the thrill of winning an argument with your wife by sitting in a library for three days.

Post Reply