The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by ageing hammer »

The last few :thup: :D
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Dover KUMB fan »

During the fire in Paris, firefighters rescued a small case. In it was a cheese roll, crisps, a biscuit & a carton of orange juice.

It was the Lunchpack of Notre Dame
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Cockneyboy311 »

djbubbles wrote:Teacher to class. Can anyone tell me the name of Robin Hood's girlfriend?
Little Paddy sticks up his hand and spurts out Trudy Glen

Teacher says, no its not. The correct answer is Maid Marian.

Little Paddy. But teacher, sing the song. Robin Hood, Robin Hood riding Trudy Glen

:lol:
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Puff Daddy »

When does Batman know its dinner time?

Din-ner, din-ner, din-ner, din-ner, din-ner, din-ner, din-ner, din-ner, Batman !
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Sauce! »

My wife and I were at a marriage counselling session. During a particularly heated exchange, the therapist looked me firmly in the eye and said “we need to talk about the elephant in the room”.

“See”, I shouted at my wife, “even our therapist thinks you’re fat!”
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Post by ageing hammer »

Quasimodo came home and saw his wife in the kitchen with a wok.

He drooled "Yummy are we having a stir fry for supper love"

She replies "no I'm just going to iron your shirts"
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Post by vietnammer »

:lol:
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by smuts »

Dover KUMB fan wrote:During the fire in Paris, firefighters rescued a small case. In it was a cheese roll, crisps, a biscuit & a carton of orange juice.

It was the Lunchpack of Notre Dame
I have no idea why but that really tickled me :D
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Cuenca 'ammer »

^^^^^^^^^

me too !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Puff Daddy »

A condemned man tied to a stake and facing the firing squad is offered a cigarette by his executioner before giving the signal to fire and the condemned man refuses the offer by saying, " No thanks its bad for you"
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by ereford ammer »

A vegan said to me that selling meat is disgusting .
I said selling fruit and vegetables is grocer.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Tenbury »

That doesn't quite work,....take another butchers.
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Post by V-M »

I was driving this morning and overtook a RAC van, the driver looked miserable and was sobbing. I thought he’s heading for a breakdown.
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Post by V-M »

The wife has been missing for a week now, the police called and told me to prepare for the worse. So I headed down the charity shop and got her clothes back.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Rocketron »

Taking advantage of private enterprise using enterprise




A couple, both age 78, went to an NHS sex therapist's office. The doctor asked, "What can I do for you?"

The man said, "Will you watch us have sex?"

The doctor looked puzzled but agreed.

When the couple finished, the doctor said, "There's nothing wrong with the way you have sex," and charged them £50.

This happened several weeks in a row. The couple would make an appointment, have sex with no problems, pay the doctor, then leave.

Finally, the doctor asked, "Just exactly what are you trying to find out?"

"We're not trying to find out anything," the husband replied.
"She's married and we can't go to her house. I'm married and we can't go to my house. The Holiday Inn charges £90. The Hilton charges £108. We do it here for £50...and I get £43 back from Bupa
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Samba »

“I had a dream last night that I was cutting carrots with the Grim Reaper – dicing with death.”

“I rang up British Telecom and said: ‘I want to report a nuisance caller.’ He said: ‘Not you again.'”

“I saw this bloke chatting-up a cheetah and I thought: ‘He’s trying to pull a fast one.'”

“The advantages of easy origami are two-fold.”

“I rang up my local swimming baths. I said: ‘Is that the local swimming baths?’ He said: ‘It depends where you’re calling from.'”
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Chicken Run Supreme »

Rocketron :thup:
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Rocketron »

I was working in the garden this weekend and my wife was about to take a shower.
I realized that I couldn't find the rake, so I yelled up to my wife,“Where is the rake?"
She couldn't hear me and she shouted back, "What?"
I pointed to my eye, and then I pointed to my knee and made a raking motion....
Then, as my wife wasn't sure she yelled "What?"
I repeated the gestures.
"Eye - Kneed - The Rake"
My wife replied that she understood and then signalled back.
She first pointed to her eye, next she pointed to her left breast,
then she pointed to her backside, and finally to her crotch.
Well, there is no way in hell I could even come close to that one.
Exasperated, I went upstairs and asked her,
"What the hell was that?
She replied,"
"Eye - Left Tit - Behind - The Bush" !
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by ageing hammer »

Genius :D
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Hammer.CA »

A penguin walks in to a pub and says to the barman "I'm looking for my brother, have you seen him?"
The barman replies "What does he look like?"
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