The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
Hippos can run faster than humans on land, and swim faster than humans in the water. Which means the bicycle is your only chance of beating a hippo in a triathlon.
- Dover KUMB fan
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- Sauce!
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
I've just bought some counterfeit Mr Kipling products.
They are exceedingly good fakes.
They are exceedingly good fakes.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
The ladies of a terribly posh WI assembled for a group photograph. The photographer came in with an old plate camera on a tripod and pulled the cover over his head.
Mrs Farquharson said to Mrs Ashley-Cooper "What's he doing now?"
Mrs Ashley-Cooper said, "Well, he's going to focus, isn't he?"
Mrs Farquharson said "What? All of us?"
Mrs Farquharson said to Mrs Ashley-Cooper "What's he doing now?"
Mrs Ashley-Cooper said, "Well, he's going to focus, isn't he?"
Mrs Farquharson said "What? All of us?"
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
Who's the coolest guy in the hospital?
The ultrasound guy.
Who takes his place when he's not there?
The hip replacement guy.
The ultrasound guy.
Who takes his place when he's not there?
The hip replacement guy.
- Sauce!
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
"Your Only Fools & Horses obsession is ruining my life" shouted my wife, "I want you out of this house right now!"
"Fair enough" I replied. "I'll fetch the suitcase from the van."
"Fair enough" I replied. "I'll fetch the suitcase from the van."
- Dover KUMB fan
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
I was interviewed by the police last night.
I answered every question with 'No Comment'.
They rang this morning, I didn't get the job
I answered every question with 'No Comment'.
They rang this morning, I didn't get the job
- Bamber Gascoigne
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
Jokes are only funny in a communist state if everyone gets them.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
'One man's meat is another man's poison' as my dear old dad used to say.
A lovely bloke but a wildly inconsistent butcher.
A lovely bloke but a wildly inconsistent butcher.
- Sauce!
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
As the coffin was being lowered into the ground at a Traffic Warden's funeral, a voice from inside screams:
"I'm not dead, I'm not dead. Let me out!"
The Vicar smiles, leans forward sucking air through his teeth and mutters:
"Too late, I've already started the paperwork."
"I'm not dead, I'm not dead. Let me out!"
The Vicar smiles, leans forward sucking air through his teeth and mutters:
"Too late, I've already started the paperwork."
- Tenbury
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
Dreadfull and brilliant.swisstony wrote:If you challenge Death to a pillow fight, you best be ready for the reaper cushions.
- Haarlemammer
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
Just had two police officers at my front door
They asked me the following questions.
"Are you familiar with the letters HB"?
I said, "No I'm not"
"How about LS"?
"No"
"What about JD"?
I said, hang on a minute, am I a suspect or something'?
"No Sir, these are just initial enquiries...
They asked me the following questions.
"Are you familiar with the letters HB"?
I said, "No I'm not"
"How about LS"?
"No"
"What about JD"?
I said, hang on a minute, am I a suspect or something'?
"No Sir, these are just initial enquiries...
- pablo jaye
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
An Afghan, an Albanian, an Algerian, an American, an Andorran, an Angolan, an Antiguans, an Argentine, an Armenian, an Australian, an Austrian, an Azerbaijani, a Bahamian, a Bahraini, a Bangladeshi, a Barbadian, a Barbudans, a Batswanan, a Belarusian, a Belgian, a Belizean, a Beninese, a Bhutanese, a Bolivian, a Bosnian, a Brazilian, a Brit, a Bruneian, a Bulgarian, a Burkinabe, a Burmese, a Burundian, a Cambodian, a Cameroonian, a Canadian, a Cape Verdean, a Central African, a Chadian, a Chilean, a Chinese, a Colombian, a Comoran, a Congolese, a Costa Rican, a Croatian, a Cuban, a Cypriot, a Czech, a Dane, a Djibouti, a Dominican, a Dutchman, an East Timorese, an Ecuadorean, an Egyptian, an Emirian, an Equatorial Guinean, an Eritrean, an Estonian, an Ethiopian, a Fijian, a Filipino, a Finn, a Frenchman, a Gabonese, a Gambian, a Georgian, a German, a Ghanaian, a Greek, a Grenadian, a Guatemalan, a Guinea-Bissauan, a Guinean, a Guyanese, a Haitian, a Herzegovinian, a Honduran, a Hungarian, an I-Kiribati, an Icelander, an Indian, an Indonesian, an Iranian, an Iraqi, an Irishman, an Israeli, an Italian, an Ivorian, a Jamaican, a Japanese, a Jordanian, a Kazakhstani, a Kenyan, a Kittian and Nevisian, a Kuwaiti, a Kyrgyz, a Laotian, a Latvian, a Lebanese, a Liberian, a Libyan, a Liechtensteiner, a Lithuanian, a Luxembourger, a Macedonian, a Malagasy, a Malawian, a Malaysian, a Maldivan, a Malian, a Maltese, a Marshallese, a Mauritanian, a Mauritian, a Mexican, a Micronesian, a Moldovan, a Monacan, a Mongolian, a Moroccan, a Mosotho, a Motswana, a Mozambican, a Namibian, a Nauruan, a Nepalese, a New Zealander, a Nicaraguan, a Nigerian, a Nigerien, a North Korean, a Northern Irishman, a Norwegian, an Omani, a Pakistani, a Palauan, a Palestinian, a Panamanian, a Papua New Guinean, a Paraguayan, a Peruvian, a Pole, a Portuguese, a Qatari, a Romanian, a Russian, a Rwandan, a Saint Lucian, a Salvadoran, a Samoan, a San Marinese, a Sao Tomean, a Saudi, a Scottish, a Senegalese, a Serbian, a Seychellois, a Sierra Leonean, a Singaporean, a Slovakian, a Slovenian, a Solomon Islander, a Somali, a South African, a South Korean, a Spaniard, a Sri Lankan, a Sudanese, a Surinamer, a Swazi, a Swede, a Swiss, a Syrian, a Taiwanese, a Tajik, a Tanzanian, a Togolese, a Tongan, a Trinidadian or Tobagonian, a Tunisian, a Turkish, a Tuvaluan, a Ugandan, a Ukrainian, a Uruguayan, a Uzbekistani, a Venezuelan, a Vietnamese, a Welshman, a Yemenite, a Zambian and a Zimbabwean all go to a nightclub...
The doorman stops them and says sorry I cant let you in without a Thai.
The doorman stops them and says sorry I cant let you in without a Thai.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
Local police are investigating a serious assault on a man last night who was beaten about the head with a power drill.
When interviewed the victim said “I was just walking along the street minding my own business and the next thing I knew, Bosch”
When interviewed the victim said “I was just walking along the street minding my own business and the next thing I knew, Bosch”
- Sauce!
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
Just had some bad news about my Uncle Terry... he is convinced that he's a chocolate orange.
We are thinking of having him sectioned.
We are thinking of having him sectioned.
- -DL-
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
Went to my local Vietnamese restaurant last night. There was a sign on the door saying no dogs. I guess they must have been waiting for a delivery.
- djbubbles
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
Teacher to class. Can anyone tell me the name of Robin Hood's girlfriend?
Little Paddy sticks up his hand and spurts out Trudy Glen
Teacher says, no its not. The correct answer is Maid Marian.
Little Paddy. But teacher, sing the song. Robin Hood, Robin Hood riding Trudy Glen
Little Paddy sticks up his hand and spurts out Trudy Glen
Teacher says, no its not. The correct answer is Maid Marian.
Little Paddy. But teacher, sing the song. Robin Hood, Robin Hood riding Trudy Glen
- Sauce!
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
Due to the recent cold weather schools are advising parents to wear two pairs of pyjamas when picking up their children.