The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
Moderators: Gnome, last.caress, Wilko1304, Rio, bristolhammerfc, the pink palermo, chalks
- Sauce!
- Posts: 5997
- Joined: Thu Jan 19, 2006 8:47 pm
- Location: sitting on a bucket on a hamper in the corner of the old wigwam.
- Total likes: 5 likes
Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
The inventor of dog treats has died earlier today.
He was a good boy. Yes he was.
He was a good boy. Yes he was.
- Dover KUMB fan
- Posts: 3242
- Joined: Fri Nov 27, 2009 8:33 am
- Total likes: 42 likes
Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
A man on his 100th birthday was telling his daughter the secret to a long life.
"This is something we did in the war, & I have done ever since" He said "Just put a teaspoon of gunpowder on your porridge in the morning. Makes you feel so alive for the whole day"
The man lived to 103, & was buried in the village cemetery.
His daughter took on this advice and put gunpowder on her porridge every day. There must have been something in it, because she died at 107!
She left behind 9 children, 18 grandchildren, 28 great grandchildren & a 40 foot hole where the crematorium used to be.
"This is something we did in the war, & I have done ever since" He said "Just put a teaspoon of gunpowder on your porridge in the morning. Makes you feel so alive for the whole day"
The man lived to 103, & was buried in the village cemetery.
His daughter took on this advice and put gunpowder on her porridge every day. There must have been something in it, because she died at 107!
She left behind 9 children, 18 grandchildren, 28 great grandchildren & a 40 foot hole where the crematorium used to be.
- Dover KUMB fan
- Posts: 3242
- Joined: Fri Nov 27, 2009 8:33 am
- Total likes: 42 likes
Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
Thought I would give the dog a treat. So I went to the butchers and asked for some tripe.
He gave me a DVD box set of Love island
He gave me a DVD box set of Love island
- Sauce!
- Posts: 5997
- Joined: Thu Jan 19, 2006 8:47 pm
- Location: sitting on a bucket on a hamper in the corner of the old wigwam.
- Total likes: 5 likes
Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
Nobody believes me when I tell them that I’m the singer in a Black Eyed Peas tribute band.
Well I am.
Well I am.
- ageing hammer
- Posts: 25445
- Joined: Thu Jan 03, 2008 9:04 am
- Location: Cockney Hammer's stunt double
- Has liked: 484 likes
- Total likes: 1475 likes
Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
Dover KUMB fan wrote:Thought I would give the dog a treat. So I went to the butchers and asked for some tripe.
He gave me a DVD box set of Love island
- The Old Man of Storr
- Posts: 32779
- Joined: Tue Jan 13, 2009 11:17 am
- Location: Lost In the Recesses Of My Mind .
- Has liked: 2642 likes
- Total likes: 1747 likes
Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
Sauce! wrote:Nobody believes me when I tell them that I’m the singer in a Black Eyed Peas tribute band.
Well I am.
- Eggs'n'nuts
- Posts: 4150
- Joined: Mon Oct 14, 2013 5:10 pm
- Location: Swimming in a glass half full.
- Has liked: 153 likes
- Total likes: 333 likes
Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
Have you heard about the cheap circumcisions doctors are now offering?
They're a rip off!
They're a rip off!
- ageing hammer
- Posts: 25445
- Joined: Thu Jan 03, 2008 9:04 am
- Location: Cockney Hammer's stunt double
- Has liked: 484 likes
- Total likes: 1475 likes
Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
^^^^
I know a bloke who works at circumcising elephants.
The pay is small but the tips are enormous.
I know a bloke who works at circumcising elephants.
The pay is small but the tips are enormous.
- Greatest Cockney Rip Off
- Posts: 19295
- Joined: Tue Dec 02, 2003 12:29 am
- Location: The oil drum in the Garden of England
- Has liked: 338 likes
- Total likes: 728 likes
- Contact:
- Sauce!
- Posts: 5997
- Joined: Thu Jan 19, 2006 8:47 pm
- Location: sitting on a bucket on a hamper in the corner of the old wigwam.
- Total likes: 5 likes
Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
His favourite car?Greatest Cockney Rip Off wrote:A German cowboy walks into a car showroom and says 'Audi'.
The Audi Partner
- ageing hammer
- Posts: 25445
- Joined: Thu Jan 03, 2008 9:04 am
- Location: Cockney Hammer's stunt double
- Has liked: 484 likes
- Total likes: 1475 likes
Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
Sauce! wrote:Old MacDonald had a calculator.
01313
Old MacDonald was dyslexic.
AEIOU
- Sauce!
- Posts: 5997
- Joined: Thu Jan 19, 2006 8:47 pm
- Location: sitting on a bucket on a hamper in the corner of the old wigwam.
- Total likes: 5 likes
Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
Sauce! wrote:Old MacDonald had a calculator.
01313
Old MacDonald had Tourettesageing hammer wrote:Old MacDonald was dyslexic.
AEIOU
F*** S*** W*** P*** C***
- Dover KUMB fan
- Posts: 3242
- Joined: Fri Nov 27, 2009 8:33 am
- Total likes: 42 likes
Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
My car just failed its MOT on the emissions test
Absolutley fuming
Absolutley fuming
- Dover KUMB fan
- Posts: 3242
- Joined: Fri Nov 27, 2009 8:33 am
- Total likes: 42 likes
Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
The wife has got the major hump this morning as someone has stolen a pair of her knickers off the washing line.
Its not so much about the knickers, but she wants the 12 pegs back.
Its not so much about the knickers, but she wants the 12 pegs back.
- ageing hammer
- Posts: 25445
- Joined: Thu Jan 03, 2008 9:04 am
- Location: Cockney Hammer's stunt double
- Has liked: 484 likes
- Total likes: 1475 likes
- devonshire flu
- Posts: 1786
- Joined: Thu Apr 12, 2007 12:06 am
- Location: Has liked: 193 likes
- Has liked: 1 like
- Total likes: 46 likes
Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
My Mum and Dad were midgets.
For years they struggled to put food on the table.
For years they struggled to put food on the table.
- ageing hammer
- Posts: 25445
- Joined: Thu Jan 03, 2008 9:04 am
- Location: Cockney Hammer's stunt double
- Has liked: 484 likes
- Total likes: 1475 likes
- Sauce!
- Posts: 5997
- Joined: Thu Jan 19, 2006 8:47 pm
- Location: sitting on a bucket on a hamper in the corner of the old wigwam.
- Total likes: 5 likes
Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
I know a bloke who writes poetry on bathroom walls. Versatile chap.
- Tenbury
- Posts: 9265
- Joined: Wed Apr 13, 2016 3:28 pm
- Location: Too near Kidderminster
- Has liked: 721 likes
- Total likes: 1209 likes