The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Sauce! »

The inventor of dog treats has died earlier today.

He was a good boy. Yes he was.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Dover KUMB fan »

A man on his 100th birthday was telling his daughter the secret to a long life.
"This is something we did in the war, & I have done ever since" He said "Just put a teaspoon of gunpowder on your porridge in the morning. Makes you feel so alive for the whole day"
The man lived to 103, & was buried in the village cemetery.
His daughter took on this advice and put gunpowder on her porridge every day. There must have been something in it, because she died at 107!
She left behind 9 children, 18 grandchildren, 28 great grandchildren & a 40 foot hole where the crematorium used to be.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Dover KUMB fan »

Thought I would give the dog a treat. So I went to the butchers and asked for some tripe.
He gave me a DVD box set of Love island
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Sauce! »

Nobody believes me when I tell them that I’m the singer in a Black Eyed Peas tribute band.

Well I am.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by ageing hammer »

Dover KUMB fan wrote:Thought I would give the dog a treat. So I went to the butchers and asked for some tripe.
He gave me a DVD box set of Love island
:D :thup:
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by The Old Man of Storr »

Sauce! wrote:Nobody believes me when I tell them that I’m the singer in a Black Eyed Peas tribute band.

Well I am.
:)
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Eggs'n'nuts »

Have you heard about the cheap circumcisions doctors are now offering?

They're a rip off!
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by ageing hammer »

^^^^ :thup:

I know a bloke who works at circumcising elephants.

The pay is small but the tips are enormous.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Greatest Cockney Rip Off »

A German cowboy walks into a car showroom and says 'Audi'.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Sauce! »

Greatest Cockney Rip Off wrote:A German cowboy walks into a car showroom and says 'Audi'.
His favourite car?

The Audi Partner
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by ageing hammer »

Sauce! wrote:Old MacDonald had a calculator.

01313


Old MacDonald was dyslexic.

AEIOU
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Sauce! »

Sauce! wrote:Old MacDonald had a calculator.

01313
ageing hammer wrote:Old MacDonald was dyslexic.

AEIOU
Old MacDonald had Tourettes

F*** S*** W*** P*** C***
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Dover KUMB fan »

My car just failed its MOT on the emissions test
Absolutley fuming
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Dover KUMB fan »

The wife has got the major hump this morning as someone has stolen a pair of her knickers off the washing line.
Its not so much about the knickers, but she wants the 12 pegs back.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by ageing hammer »

:D
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by devonshire flu »

My Mum and Dad were midgets.

For years they struggled to put food on the table.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by ageing hammer »

:D
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by old fart »

When I added a bit of ginger to my lamb curry the kids went mad, they loved that cat
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Sauce! »

I know a bloke who writes poetry on bathroom walls. Versatile chap.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Tenbury »

:D
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