The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

[ageing hammer]

The man who invented auto correct has died.

May he roast in piss.

[Dover KUMB fan]

The man who invented auto correct has died.

May he roast in piss.

His funfair is on Monkey

[Toulouse_Iron]

Thank goodness someone explained it!

Quite, Viet. Quite.

[Monkeybubbles]

The man who invented auto correct has died.

May he roast in piss.

His funfair is on Monkey

Must. Resist. Must. Resist.

[Bamber Gascoigne]

[WHU_Del]

Went to see a band called The Prevention.
They were better than The Cure.

And on a similar theme:

Got ripped off by a tout.
We wanted to go and see The Cure, but he sold us Placebo tickets.

[don't burst my bubble]

The Pope is handing out miracles to kids in Liverpool.
Billy walks on to the stage and asks him, "Can you help with my hearing"....?
The Pope says, "yes" and puts his hands on Billy's ears and prays, he removes his hands and says, "How is your hearing now"...?
Billy Says, " I don't know, It's not until next Wednesday"..

[Dover KUMB fan]

DBMB

[Hammer.CA]

When John Merrick used to walk in to a room no one used to mention it.

[Made In Leyton 1974]

My stuttering cousin has died in prison.
Poor bloke couldn't even finish his sentence!

[Hammer.CA]

Hank Marvin is surprisingly well known for someone who has spent almost his entire life in the shadows.

[Sauce!]

What is an Alzheimer sufferer’s favourite chat up line?

“Do I come here often?”

[cambridge hammer]

Hank Marvin is surprisingly well known for someone who has spent almost his entire life in the shadows.

Also people always offer to feed him each time he introduces himself.

[Sauce!]

What’s the difference between pink and purple?

Grip

[S-H]

A woman goes home one night with a guy she met in a pub. He's tall, good looking, and seems different than most men .
They arrive at his place and head straight to his bedroom. She can't help but notice shelves full of teddy bears. On the bottom are small teddy bears, on the middle are medium-sized teddy bears, and finally, on the top are large teddy bears, all lined up beside each other. She begins to think that he is sentimental and sweet, and he isn't afraid to show it. Her heart melts and she want to give him the night of his life. She gives him a blowjob, and lets him really give it to her, and even takes it up the arse! In the morning, she slowly gets dressed, and smiles at him and asks, "How was that?" He nods and says, "Not too fuckin' bad at all. Help yourself to a prize on the second shelf.

[ageing hammer]

Man gets home tells his wife "get me a beer before it starts", he drinks it down then says "quick, get me another before it starts"

he drinks it and says "another one before it starts" .

The wife says "Listen here you lazy fat cuntt, you waltz in, sit down on yer arrse and start barking orders who the fuuck do you think you are........

Man says "Fucck me it's started".

[Sauce!]

The Alzheimer's Society has announced its new corporate sponsor.

Huawei

[Puff Daddy]

Two logs, One said to the other, " I slept like a man last night"

[neathiron]

A woman goes home one night with a guy she met in a pub. He's tall, good looking, and seems different than most men .
They arrive at his place and head straight to his bedroom. She can't help but notice shelves full of teddy bears. On the bottom are small teddy bears, on the middle are medium-sized teddy bears, and finally, on the top are large teddy bears, all lined up beside each other. She begins to think that he is sentimental and sweet, and he isn't afraid to show it. Her heart melts and she want to give him the night of his life. She gives him a blowjob, and lets him really give it to her, and even takes it up the arse! In the morning, she slowly gets dressed, and smiles at him and asks, "How was that?" He nods and says, "Not too fuckin' bad at all. Help yourself to a prize on the second shelf.

:lol:

[pablo jaye]

SH and Ageing ... good jokes to start off the weekend. Cheers!!