The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
Moderators: Gnome, last.caress, Wilko1304, Rio, bristolhammerfc, the pink palermo, chalks
- Greatest Cockney Rip Off
- Posts: 19314
- Joined: Tue Dec 02, 2003 12:29 am
- Location: The oil drum in the Garden of England
- Has liked: 337 likes
- Total likes: 709 likes
- Contact:
Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
Just admitted to the girlfriend that I’ve got a soft spot for Beyoncé.
“Whatever floats your boat,” she said.
“No love,” I said, “that’s buoyancy”.
“Whatever floats your boat,” she said.
“No love,” I said, “that’s buoyancy”.
- Sauce!
- Posts: 5997
- Joined: Thu Jan 19, 2006 8:47 pm
- Location: sitting on a bucket on a hamper in the corner of the old wigwam.
- Total likes: 5 likes
Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
If you hold a shell up to your ear you can hear the sound of the sea.
Similarly, if you hold a shell suit up to your ear you can hear the sound of a Scouser nicking your car.
Similarly, if you hold a shell suit up to your ear you can hear the sound of a Scouser nicking your car.
- ageing hammer
- Posts: 25477
- Joined: Thu Jan 03, 2008 9:04 am
- Location: Cockney Hammer's stunt double
- Has liked: 486 likes
- Total likes: 1491 likes
Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
Greatest Cockney Rip Off wrote: ↑Tue Oct 01, 2019 5:46 am Just admitted to the girlfriend that I’ve got a soft spot for Beyoncé.
“Whatever floats your boat,” she said.
“No love,” I said, “that’s buoyancy”.
:lol:
- -DL-
- Bag Man
- Posts: 30097
- Joined: Fri Dec 05, 2008 7:43 am
- Has liked: 834 likes
- Total likes: 4918 likes
- Contact:
Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
Duck walks in to a bar and asks "Got any bread?"
Barman says "No"
Duck says "Got any bread?"
Barman says "No"
Duck says "Got any bread"
Barman says "No"
Duck says "Got any bread?"
Barman says "Ask if I've got any bread again and I'll hammer your beak to the bar"
Duck says "Got any nails?"
Barman says "No"
Duck says "Got any bread?"
Barman says "No"
Duck says "Got any bread?"
Barman says "No"
Duck says "Got any bread"
Barman says "No"
Duck says "Got any bread?"
Barman says "Ask if I've got any bread again and I'll hammer your beak to the bar"
Duck says "Got any nails?"
Barman says "No"
Duck says "Got any bread?"
- -DL-
- Bag Man
- Posts: 30097
- Joined: Fri Dec 05, 2008 7:43 am
- Has liked: 834 likes
- Total likes: 4918 likes
- Contact:
- vietnammer
- Bucky the beaver
- Posts: 31767
- Joined: Sun Dec 08, 2002 2:31 am
- Location: Those little golden birdies look at them
- Has liked: 644 likes
- Total likes: 594 likes
- Monkeybubbles
- Posts: 13903
- Joined: Sun Feb 02, 2014 11:00 am
- Location: Rumble, Brighton, Tonight.
- Has liked: 497 likes
- Total likes: 1980 likes
- -DL-
- Bag Man
- Posts: 30097
- Joined: Fri Dec 05, 2008 7:43 am
- Has liked: 834 likes
- Total likes: 4918 likes
- Contact:
- S-H
- Posts: 49143
- Joined: Tue Jul 06, 2010 7:05 am
- Location: Kumb Inn
- Has liked: 5737 likes
- Total likes: 9654 likes
- Dover KUMB fan
- Posts: 3242
- Joined: Fri Nov 27, 2009 8:33 am
- Total likes: 42 likes
Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
I just sold my entire collection of Dusty Springfield singles & albums
Now I just don't know what to do with my shelf
Now I just don't know what to do with my shelf
- crankyhammer
- Posts: 42
- Joined: Mon Jan 06, 2014 3:19 pm
- Location: essex
- Total likes: 5 likes
- Greatest Cockney Rip Off
- Posts: 19314
- Joined: Tue Dec 02, 2003 12:29 am
- Location: The oil drum in the Garden of England
- Has liked: 337 likes
- Total likes: 709 likes
- Contact:
- vietnammer
- Bucky the beaver
- Posts: 31767
- Joined: Sun Dec 08, 2002 2:31 am
- Location: Those little golden birdies look at them
- Has liked: 644 likes
- Total likes: 594 likes
Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
Staying in a small pension in the hills of Spain, I became violently ill halfway through the night. Amazingly, there was a doctor there and he set me right quickly. When I told him how surprised I was that they had a doctor, he said: No one expects the Spanish-inn physician.
- Sauce!
- Posts: 5997
- Joined: Thu Jan 19, 2006 8:47 pm
- Location: sitting on a bucket on a hamper in the corner of the old wigwam.
- Total likes: 5 likes
Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
Did you hear about the compulsive masturbator who fell down the stairs.
He broke his pyjamas in three places
He broke his pyjamas in three places
- Greatest Cockney Rip Off
- Posts: 19314
- Joined: Tue Dec 02, 2003 12:29 am
- Location: The oil drum in the Garden of England
- Has liked: 337 likes
- Total likes: 709 likes
- Contact:
Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
Surely that constitutes a ban of some sort?vietnammer wrote: ↑Wed Oct 02, 2019 11:44 am Staying in a small pension in the hills of Spain, I became violently ill halfway through the night. Amazingly, there was a doctor there and he set me right quickly. When I told him how surprised I was that they had a doctor, he said: No one expects the Spanish-inn physician.
Mods?
- vietnammer
- Bucky the beaver
- Posts: 31767
- Joined: Sun Dec 08, 2002 2:31 am
- Location: Those little golden birdies look at them
- Has liked: 644 likes
- Total likes: 594 likes
Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
Ok, I assumed the doc was a bloke. One strike for unconscious bias. I've been snowflaked by GCRO
Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
vietnammer wrote: ↑Wed Oct 02, 2019 11:44 am Staying in a small pension in the hills of Spain, I became violently ill halfway through the night. Amazingly, there was a doctor there and he set me right quickly. When I told him how surprised I was that they had a doctor, he said: No one expects the Spanish-inn physician.
I stayed at that inn and was so impressed I put an offer in to buy the place. The owners couldn't believe I would do such a thing so I explained to them that no one expects the Spanish acquisition.
- view from the shires
- Posts: 703
- Joined: Thu Jun 16, 2011 11:53 am
- Has liked: 6 likes
- Total likes: 32 likes
Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
I believe the actual answer was "no your right it's a doughnut" (not an apple pie).
I was in the same bakery 40 years ago and the Scotsman in question was the Big Yin himself.
- Samba
- Posts: 21818
- Joined: Mon Apr 03, 2017 3:36 pm
- Location: David Sullivan's least favourite fluffer.
- Has liked: 2466 likes
- Total likes: 892 likes
Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
Why are dyslexics going to have a bad day on the 27th of October?
Their cocks are going to turn black.
Their cocks are going to turn black.
- Monkeybubbles
- Posts: 13903
- Joined: Sun Feb 02, 2014 11:00 am
- Location: Rumble, Brighton, Tonight.
- Has liked: 497 likes
- Total likes: 1980 likes
Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
My wife didn't believe me when I said I was going to give our daughter an unusual name. So I decided to call her Bluff.