A man wakes up in the hospital, bandaged from head to foot. The doctor comes in and says, "Ah, I see you've regained consciousness. Now, you probably won't remember, but you were in a pile-up on the motorway., you're going to be okay, you'll walk again and everything, but...something happened. I'm trying to break this gently, but the fact is, your penis was chopped off in the crash and we were unable to find it."
The man groans, but the doctor continues. "You've got £9,000 in insurance compensation coming and we have the technology now to build you a new penis that'll work as well as your old one did - better in fact!
But the thing is,it doesn't come cheap. It's £1,000 an inch."
The man perks up at this.
"So," the doctor says, "it's for you to decide how many inches you want but you'd better discuss your decision with your wife. I mean, if you had a five inch one before, and you decide to go for a nine-inch, she might be a bit put out but if you had a nine inch one before and you decide only to invest in a five-inch this time, she might be disappointed so it's important that she plays a role in helping you decide."
The man agrees to talk with his wife during that evening's visiting hours.
The doctor returns the next day.
"So," he says, 'have you spoken with your wife?"
"I have," the man replies.
"And, has she helped you in making the decision?" asks the doctor.
"Yes, she has," says the man.
"And what is it?" asks the doctor.
"We're getting a new kitchen."