The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

[ChzMff]

It's ironic that after what I think was my first post in this thread talking about my wife's previous experience with depression I think that we have again reached that point. Maybe it was a cry from help my side.

We had our first baby 3 weeks ago. Since then things have rapidly gone downhill with her mental health. Feelings of loneliness, being a failing mother and a loss of identity are just some of her thoughts. She is obviously severely sleep deprived which does not help. Due to her previous history we have support in the way of a perinatal team who I have called today following my wife saying she had again had suicidal thoughts. They have offered a 24x7 care facility for her and my son where she will get round the clock help and support with both herself and the little one. I feel sick to the stomach. She has said to me this is the worst it has ever been because this time she does not feel there is a way out (i.e. suicide) as she cannot leave our baby. In some sense this gives me comfort but in another it kills me to see her so upset. We are viewing the 24x7 unit tomorrow and as hard as it will be, I am praying that she will admit herself as I don't see any way forward.

[Tenbury]

What a nightmare for her and you. At least you seem to be getting some support.
Here's hoping she accepts the help and support she's being offered. As dark as it seems now, depression can be overcome ,and with medical help, and your support I'm sure your wife will get better.
Meanwhile, it's essential that you look after yourself, food ,sleep etc.
Best wishes, let's hope this is the first steps to recovery.

[ageing hammer]

Chzmff sorry to read your very sad post, congrats on the new baby and I sincerely hope your good wife gets the support she needs and pulls through, don't give up mate you can both get through this.

[mushy]

Yes, very well said ageing.
Chzmff, you and your wife are going through a terrible time and we all hope you all get through it.
Remember also to take care of yourself, even if that simply means unloading on here every now and then.
The suicide trap thing is frightening but not uncommon.
Good luck all three of you.

[Shanghai Hammer]

Edited for being a bit daft.

[warp]

I'll just abandon this user name after this post for obvious reasons as it shows I'm a bit of a twat.

mate, i'd be on my 832nd username!

i don't know how strict on this are at your workplace, but surely given it was so far back, and nothing really serious, it shouldn't be a problem?

anyway, doesn't a conditional discharge "expire" after a few years? (taken off the record too?)

[Shanghai Hammer]

anyway, doesn't a conditional discharge "expire" after a few years? (taken off the record too?)

Was spent 23 years ago unless you work with kids, which I don't, so I don't need to declare it. However for police certificates for overseas visas it stays on until you get to 100! Not quite there yet.

[Mega Ron]

Shanghai.

Go to see whoever it is at your work (HR, your boss) that you need to see. Own up and own the situation.

Don't let another week pass where you are stressing about this. You're not a fraud so don't convince yourself that you are.

Whatever happens from there happens but you move on. I'd bet they won't care about what happened but will care about you and your well being.

Take care buddy

[Shanghai Hammer]

Shanghai.

Go to see whoever it is at your work (HR, your boss) that you need to see. Own up and own the situation.

Don't let another week pass where you are stressing about this. You're not a fraud so don't convince yourself that you are.

Whatever happens from there happens but you move on. I'd bet they won't care about what happened but will care about you and your well being.

Take care buddy

Cheers Ron. The daft thing is that I don’t even need to tell them. It’s not a job where it needs to be disclosed. My concern is things going wrong via the back door when I apply for visas. My worry may be over the top which is why it’s in the mental health thread and not a legal one.

[Mega Ron]

It sounds to me that the only thing that will remove the stress is to let your boss(es) know.

So that should be the only thing to do.

[warp]

My worry may be over the top which is why it’s in the mental health thread and not a legal one.

yes. the storm isn't in the teacup, even though it looks like.
however, Ron's suggestion is a good first step to get it out in the light, and then do something about it.

and keep your username or people get worried!

However for police certificates for overseas visas it stays on until you get to 100! Not quite there yet.

:shock:

rehabilitation, they say...

[ChzMff]

Thank you for the kind words.

Following my post yesterday we had a further chat and my wife felt it was to extreme a step to be immediately admitted to the facility. We accepted help from my mother-in-law who has temporarily moved in with us, my wife will begin anti-depressants tomorrow and we will receive help from a perinatal team that includes nursery nurses, a psychologist and occupational therapist. She has accepted that if this does not work then the 24x7 facility would be the next option. In a way, we're lucky for her previous battles against this horrible illness as that has enabled us to get support so quickly.

When she previously suffered from depression she could not see it and as such, getting her to seek support was incredibly difficult. She thought I was mad, called me every name under the sun and every day was a constant struggle. She was very self aware today, openly admitted her feelings and that this was depression and that she wanted to take on all the help she could. That was a relief to me and also gives me hope going forward.

[Tenbury]

Looking through so many posts in this thread you'll be aware just how important the 'acceptance of being ill' really is.I honestly believe it's the first step to coming to terms with depression.
Keep as positive as you can be, I know it isn't easy.Best Wishes.

[pablo jaye]

She was very self aware today, openly admitted her feelings and that this was depression and that she wanted to take on all the help she could. That was a relief to me and also gives me hope going forward.

ChzMff - that is really great to read as the admission is often the hardest thing, to open up that you have an illness that is not visible. There is such a stigma about it and it is people like your good lady wife, who by opening up can be an inspiration to others .... thus, gradually removing the stigma. Huge congrats to you both on the arrival of junior too - it’ll be hard work but totally worth it!

[mushy]

Shanghai,
How important are those overseas visas to your work?
And have you thought about applying for one yourself just to test the water?

[notanuvloss!]

Chris

I tried to send a PM but I'm not sure that it was submitted

I am so, so sorry to here of your problems, past and present. Christ! Can I be of any help? Meet in the middle again for a pint and a natter about whatever you want to talk about?

Send me a PM or an e-mail. Kindest regards

Ray

[Shanghai Hammer]

Chris

I tried to send a PM but I'm not sure that it was submitted

I am so, so sorry to here of your problems, past and present. Christ! Can I be of any help? Meet in the middle again for a pint and a natter about whatever you want to talk about?

Send me a PM or an e-mail. Kindest regards

Ray

Hi Mate. Good to hear from you again. I did receive a pm but there were no contents. I've just sent you one. I think this may be a situation where a pint may help to solve some issues.

[Shanghai Hammer]

Shanghai,
How important are those overseas visas to your work?
And have you thought about applying for one yourself just to test the water?

Tough to say really. I have actually worked overseas for 15 years out of the past 20, The problem is that different countries ask different questions so its a bit of a lottery. I've been lucky so far.

After so long in the business I'm really good at sorting stuff out and I've taken care of myself in a couple of wars zones in that time. What drives me crazy is that this is a situation that I can do nothing about.

[Samba]

After so long in the business I'm really good at sorting stuff out and I've taken care of myself in a couple of wars zones in that time. What drives me crazy is that this is a situation that I can do nothing about.

You know what SH, I reckon that you'll be ok, even if you were wanting a visa for the USA.
They treat each case on their own merits & from what you have said, the nature of the offence, the time ago it was, I really think that you would be ok. It would certainly have long since disappeared off of your UK record.
The important thing would be to tell them the truth, when you were applying for the visa.
Please stop stressing, I think you'll be fine!

[WHU Independent]

On the other side of the Visa coin, I've totally omitted and downright lied on certain visa applications for several major countries and I haven't ever heard a whisper about my past "misdemeanour's."

Not 1 problem at all.