The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

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Geordie Hammer
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Post by Geordie Hammer » Mon Apr 15, 2019 11:14 pm

Top man PS! Hope this week goes well! The CBT will hopefully give you something to work on and help chip away some of the stuff whirling around in your head! I really do not know how you’re keeping your head with this! Huge respect

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Tenbury
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Post by Tenbury » Tue Apr 16, 2019 5:12 am

You're a f**king inspiration Prawnie, feels like I've been swimming in s**t the last two days, and to hear someone facing up to life's cruelties helps a lot. Good Luck to you.

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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Post by Patito » Tue Apr 16, 2019 9:01 am

I have to echo what others have said here, Prawnie, you are an inspiration keep going. :thup:

Tenners, what's up?

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Tenbury
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Post by Tenbury » Tue Apr 16, 2019 11:20 am

Nothing really mate, went for a pre op yesterday, an op I really need, but my blood pressure was so high they wanted to send me back in an ambulance. It's never been other than normal, so there's something new going on. Still if you lead a life of drunken debauchery and still get to old age,what d'ya expect?!

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ageing hammer
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Post by ageing hammer » Tue Apr 16, 2019 11:26 am

At least they know it needs looking at Tenners and they will sort it out for you, it's probably better to find out it's high before anything worse happens. :)

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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Post by mushy » Tue Apr 16, 2019 1:24 pm

PrawnSandwich wrote:
Hard to turn off your feelings though man.
So ****ing hard.
Almost impossible to do I would have thought.
Life can be incredibly unfair and tough sometimes as you know.
just make sure you continue to care for yourself in all of this.to

You are doing a brilliant job from what you are saying.

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Samba
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Post by Samba » Tue Apr 16, 2019 5:52 pm

Tenbury wrote:Nothing really mate, went for a pre op yesterday, an op I really need, but my blood pressure was so high they wanted to send me back in an ambulance. It's never been other than normal, so there's something new going on. Still if you lead a life of drunken debauchery and still get to old age,what d'ya expect?!
:D
Thing is Tenners, after your wall-vaulting escapades last year, you've obviously not been able to get any kind of cardio exercise so just that in itself, could have raised the old bp. Not your fault, in that sense.
I've tried using 'getting angry at West Ham results causing an increased pulse-rate' as exercise but apparently, that doesn't count..

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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Post by Geordie Hammer » Wed Apr 17, 2019 1:12 pm

Completely lost today!

I’ve made so much progress in the past 2 and a bit weeks. I’ve headed south. Spent a night back in Romford with my kids so I could see my GP. Wife wanted to know when I’d move my stuff out. I was already on the road to Oxford to stay on my mates farm away from it all so I rang her. Her kids were in the car shouting “hi!!!! We miss you! Love you!” to me! It floored me!
I spent yesterday trying to get her to see how it will be once I’m back on my feet and back to work. How this person I became isn’t the person I really am. She’s sticking to her guns. She confident that I don’t have a mental health problem and that it’s just who I am and knows she’s made the right decision. She’s still insisting on doing everything by text because she “cannot see me as it will be too hard for her and she needs to stay strong because her decision is the right one”. Also stating that I’d become a moody, irritable, irrational, possessive, controlling paranoid person treating her and everyone around her like ****! That is not me! That is what I became through this f*cking c*nt of a thing in my head!
I caved in at about 2am. Basically said goodbye but left the door open that I’d be there if she changes her mind.

So I leave oxford tomorrow. Staying in a hotel in Romford for a few nights with my kids. Taking them back on Sunday to Newcastle. I’ve got a week to find somewhere down here as I go back to work on the following Monday! I’ve looked at flats etc to rent! I’d be left with nothing to live on! I’m basically screwed and today I’m sat here in The Chilterns ****ing out trying to retain control of everything!

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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Post by HalfTimePie » Wed Apr 17, 2019 2:47 pm

I'm sure others here have lost dogs before so I am really reaching out to you.

We lost our dog of 12 years a couple of days ago. Over the last year he had heart surgery to give him some more time but his time has come to an end now. I've lost a dog before but I was just a kid and he is the first I've lost in my adult life and I along with my whole family including our other dog are struggling to cope.

Does anyone who has been through this have any tips in dealing with losing such a huge part of the family? Everything just feels weird and wrong without him here. I was lucky enough to be with him at the end along with my two younger sisters who are in bits and to be honest I'm tearing up just typing this out.

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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Post by Samba » Wed Apr 17, 2019 3:33 pm

HalfTimePie wrote:Does anyone who has been through this have any tips in dealing with losing such a huge part of the family? Everything just feels weird and wrong without him here. I was lucky enough to be with him at the end along with my two younger sisters who are in bits and to be honest I'm tearing up just typing this out.
It's as bad as losing a family member so don't beat yourselves up.
It is hard but you just have to go through it as you would with every bereavement.
Be sad yes but also be glad that you had him in your lives & that you undoubtedly gave him a most wonderful life. I bet that he knew just how much he was loved.

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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Post by PrawnSandwich » Wed Apr 17, 2019 3:36 pm

Geordie Hammer wrote:I spent yesterday trying to get her to see how it will be once I’m back on my feet and back to work. How this person I became isn’t the person I really am. She’s sticking to her guns. She confident that I don’t have a mental health problem and that it’s just who I am and knows she’s made the right decision. She’s still insisting on doing everything by text because she “cannot see me as it will be too hard for her and she needs to stay strong because her decision is the right one”. Also stating that I’d become a moody, irritable, irrational, possessive, controlling paranoid person treating her and everyone around her like ****! That is not me! That is what I became through this f*cking c*nt of a thing in my head!
Sadly mate you will never convince her through words and rational argument and the more you try the more it will turn her off listening.
I'm not going to advise on your marriage, f*** knows I am not the person to have any kind of synergy with your situation given my circumstances, but I do know personally that I didn't start to truly feel better until I gave up trying to save it and focused on myself.
I know how hard it sounds mate and I wish I could give you a better answer but at this stage the harder you focus on the things you can't control the worse it will be.
Geordie Hammer wrote:I’ve got a week to find somewhere down here as I go back to work on the following Monday! I’ve looked at flats etc to rent! I’d be left with nothing to live on! I’m basically screwed and today I’m sat here in The Chilterns ****ing out trying to retain control of everything!
Yeah... I feel you on that.

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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Post by PrawnSandwich » Wed Apr 17, 2019 3:39 pm

HalfTimePie wrote: Does anyone who has been through this have any tips in dealing with losing such a huge part of the family? Everything just feels weird and wrong without him here. I was lucky enough to be with him at the end along with my two younger sisters who are in bits and to be honest I'm tearing up just typing this out.
Yeah put down two in my time and held my best childhood friend (the dog to be clear!) basically as he went to sleep.
Horrendous as it sounds but we replaced him pretty quickly which was a good distraction, but I will admit it is not a technique for everyone.

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WHU Independent
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Post by WHU Independent » Wed Apr 17, 2019 11:32 pm

HalfTimePie wrote:Does anyone who has been through this have any tips in dealing with losing such a huge part of the family? Everything just feels weird and wrong without him here. I was lucky enough to be with him at the end along with my two younger sisters who are in bits and to be honest I'm tearing up just typing this out.
Go to your nearest Dog home and get another asap - preferably a puppy. I wish I would have done this. I know the pain is very hard atm, but having another animal in my life after a long period without one, made me realise what I was missing all that time.

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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Post by pablo jaye » Thu Apr 18, 2019 8:51 am

HalfTimePie wrote:I'm sure others here have lost dogs before so I am really reaching out to you.

We lost our dog of 12 years a couple of days ago. Over the last year he had heart surgery to give him some more time but his time has come to an end now. I've lost a dog before but I was just a kid and he is the first I've lost in my adult life and I along with my whole family including our other dog are struggling to cope.

Does anyone who has been through this have any tips in dealing with losing such a huge part of the family? Everything just feels weird and wrong without him here. I was lucky enough to be with him at the end along with my two younger sisters who are in bits and to be honest I'm tearing up just typing this out.
HTP, sorry to hear about your loss - I think there are one or two folks here on KUMB who’ve gone through the same and you and have posted to such effect, so it’s not unusual to go through the feelings that you have.

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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Post by Mega Ron » Thu Apr 18, 2019 9:01 am

Don't get a puppy.

The effort is insane.

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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Post by The Old Man of Storr » Thu Apr 18, 2019 9:14 am

Tenbury wrote:Nothing really mate, went for a pre op yesterday, an op I really need, but my blood pressure was so high they wanted to send me back in an ambulance. It's never been other than normal, so there's something new going on. Still if you lead a life of drunken debauchery and still get to old age,what d'ya expect?!
It could have been something simple such as a natural fear of operations , our blood pressure is probably at its highest in a Doctor's Surgery or a Hospital - pre - sepsis [ 2012/2013 ] I was taking 2 types of blood pressure tablets , perindopril and doxazosin then the Doctors told me I had to stop taking them - initially I was very worried as my GP had told me that if I didn't take the blood pressure medicines I was setting myself up for a stroke .
I tried losing a few pounds and I cut out salt completely and eventually I found my blood pressure going down - I was hitting 120/78 on a regular basis with a heart beat of around 69/72 per minute -
Recently I've gone back to putting salt on my food and seen my blood pressure rise as a result - I had an asthma Review on Monday , blood pressure was 132/78 .

When I was at my worst with the drinking and worried about my blood pressure it stood at 190/102 with a heart rate of over 100 beats per minute .

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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Post by PrawnSandwich » Thu Apr 18, 2019 10:16 am

Positive week despite it all starting off horribly.

Got all my financial proposals and conclusions vetted and checked out as sound.
Got my childcare proposals all vetted for fairness.
Got my/our financial adviser’s sign off and recommendations.
Spoke to mediation services about the next steps so know where that stands.

Saw an independent solicitor for my half hour free advice, which having already spoken to one on the phone meant that between the plans I have made and learning from the previous conversation meant I was able to maximise my time, understand my rights and entitlements and have a length discussion about the divorce process we could go down, how to use mediation and what happens if mediation fails.


I have written a heart felt, open and kind letter to my wife expressing my desire to enact this separation if she has no desire to continue as husband and wife and for her to consider her future hopes for living arrangements, financial future, childcare arrangements and of course divorce.

Today is my last day at work for 10 days and we have a family holiday to encompass my daughters first birthday, Easter, time off, her birthday and a few day trips.
I intend to be nothing but happy, calm and enjoy the time with my family and my children, even make sure she has a nice birthday and show her that I am the kind, warm hearted person I have always been.

And then Monday 29th April this gets real and the time for her to have her cake and eat it ends.

I’m in a good place surprisingly, taking charge of my life again.
I fully expect a dreadful May, but I am prepared for it and know that there is very little she can do now apart from make herself look bad.

Got my options for CBT today and have opted to try the online work through.
The options I was given were:

6 half an hour phone calls over a 12 week period - each phone call setting a series of objectives to tackle areas of Depression and Anxiety for the next two weeks and then it being tweaked and assess at each phone call.

A 6 week course consisting of an hour and a half session at the DAS centre in a group of 10/15 people were questions would be asked, handouts given and powerpoints worked through.
Really didn't like the sound of this one and reference my plan above I am essentially writing off any commitments beyond 29th April until I see what move my wife makes in all this.

The Online Course which is essentially the same as the first option but without the need for the half hour phone call on a platform called Silver Cloud which allows me to work through as much as I want, at any time, from anywhere basically.
This is then reviewed every two weeks by my case worker who can see how I am progressing and answer any issues or change this at any time.
I can if I do not get on with this request one of the other options.
I'm all registered and set up ready to go so I will detail my experiences as I believe that I will need to start building up and using the resource over the next ten days to cope with the anxiety that will build closer to the end of the holiday as I negatively predict my wife's reactions.

Personally I am expecting her to **** the bed and throw her toys out of the pram - she is not going to be ready for what is about to happen.
Sad thing is that for ten years I have treated her like a little princess and found a way to deliver what she wanted.
There is a hard side of me that she has never seen and by making me go to therapy I have laid a lot of issues to bed and rediscovered that side that was always there when I needed it.

Part of me takes no pleasure in this, but there's a part of me that is trying to suppress a wry smile.
Last edited by PrawnSandwich on Thu Apr 18, 2019 11:23 am, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Post by mushy » Thu Apr 18, 2019 11:11 am

Taking back control.
:thup:

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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Post by ageing hammer » Thu Apr 18, 2019 12:06 pm

^^^^^^^^^^

This, well done Prawny :scarfer:

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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Post by bristolhammerfc » Sat Apr 20, 2019 12:58 pm

Firstly, well done Prawny. Seems like you are heading in the right direction.

Ok, a bit of an update from me.

Went into this month feeling like we had turned a bit of a corner. Feeling more positive and generally on the up. Until we hit the half term holidays.

We had arranged to spend time in Devon with the brother in law who called in the debt and left us in trouble. We made our peace with him for my wife and the kids sake. We had paid most of our bills to this point, with some people getting a little bit from us later. I had to drive down which I hate but understand that we needed a break.

We put some money aside on our daughters bank card to avoid it getting sucked into the bills, and hoped that we would have most of it on the other side of the break.

I started getting anxious about going and how it would affect us money wise but sucked it up and went.

It meant a bit in petrol, but we could manage that. Our daughter is a vegetarian and we had agreed to take her food with us. We promptly forgot.

On arrival, it was evident that they had recovered from their issue and were very affluent again. New furniture, new car, new dog. They set out their plans for our trip and said they wanted to take us to Paignton Zoo etc, etc. I was able to put this off as it would have cost us almost all the money for the trip.

My brother in law went shopping and bought food for the evening. We asked if we needed to buy anything and in fairness they said no, but we felt a bit weird. They had some pizzas and wine and we had a nice evening. Next day, they announced that they would be taking us clay pigeon shooting and they had guns and ammo so we would just need to go which we agreed. Then a trip to Dawlish by train at £6 as a family which we agreed.

We went shooting which was Ok Then at the end the Brother in Law asked for £20 to cover the clays which we paid. We then set off for Dawlish. We paid the train fare online and then were told it would be £6 to park in the station at Teignmouth. My sister in law said she would cook for tea when we got back.

We arrived at Dawlish and checked our balance. It had gone down, but nothing critical. I started to panic about the cost of the day, but they said there wasn't much to do at Dawlish so we were ok. My wife told me to buy a couple of bottles of wine to say thanks for the meals which I did. They went into the arcade with our kids so we gave them a fiver each or they would have had to watch as everyone else enjoyed themselves. When we got back to Teignmouth by train, my Brother in Law announced that they weren't cooking for tea and we would eat out.

I managed to argue for a Weatherspoons, but the meal was still £50 for the four of us. We left for Bristol early the next day with a flimsy excuse. We had £50 left to see us through this month.

When we got home, we had another set back. My daughters laptop broke and we didn't have a spare. She is studying A level Law and was brilliant about it, but we needed to get her another. I have an old Curry's account so used that for a cheap replacement. I started to feel tired and uninterested in things going on.

Then the cruncher. We moved in October and thought we had squared everything away prior to the move. It turns out we had missed a Council Tax payment on the old address, with costs that is £245. Added to that that this months for the new house is due, and we had £50 left, I started to spiral. I haven't slept properly since coming home on Tuesday, and its all I can think about.

I have gone out for a walk and read books, but my mind keeps drifting back.

May is also my wife's birthday and although she doesn't want anything, there is an expectation from the family to at least take her out.

The only saving grace is that we have kept up our rent payments and car insurance, so we have somewhere to live and a means to earn a wage each. I am dreading pay day as it forces you to confront the shortfalls.

I am going to speak to our works councillor and hope that helps.

For now though, its keep putting on the brave face and pretending it will all be ok.

Again, I got myself into this and we are not looking for charity. Its just an opportunity to get some of it out of my head.

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