The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

[Samba]

Fortunately and unfortunately we signed a separation agreement back in October which I read back over extremely carefully today.
The house stays with both of us until she can afford to take me off the mortgage and then my equity percentage is ring fenced against future sales. I can't force her out of the house and if I did so due to her inability to drive and lower wage it would literally be ****ing my kids over.
A hard pill to swallow but one I am willing to bare for the kids.
That actually doesn't sound a bad thing for you. She can't ever accuse you of not being fair.

The good thing thing is in the separation agreement we laid out our custody arrangements and their primary address to be our joint owned home.
This document is legally binding and cannot be changed without both party's consent and is court enforceable.
That is EXCELLENT!
This makes me feel better as it means that she can't just do this to me, but at 2.30am when the demons are whispering in your ear you don't think like that.

I used to keep a diary/blog but gave it up as being a writer I seemed to be coming up with more frequent and colourful ways to describe my depression and it felt like I was enabling it rather than helping.
That's very interesting. It doesn't have to work for everyone.

Slept last night.
Feel better today and have the weekend with my kids - taking them to birthday parties and to see Santa.
Good stuff mate, real good stuff.

[RichieRiv]

Some probably insignificant things have happened recently, with friends off here actually, leaving me pretty depressed, and have led me to feel/think that it was a mistake to socialise.

As a result, I've decided that I could do with some professional advice and guidance on matters, so here I am. Only kidding, I have a GP appointment in January where I'm hoping for something to get me back to normal.

Any advice on what I should say? I'm not that impressed with that random assortment of GPs at the surgery when I've taken the children, and I think I'd prefer a referral elsewhere.

You are covered by "Therapy for You". Google it, register and stick your postcode in. As a CM15 you will come under their services. It takes several weeks to complete the online courses, not because they are long but this is not something you can binge watch. I found them a good starting point.

Also maybe worth your while using employee assistance.

[Mega Ron]

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[Samba]

Posting here cos it's probably the best place.
One day last week, mum noticed that one of her big toes looked a bit darker. I wasn't too concerned as she's had that before. By coincidence, she had a Rheumatology appt last Friday & we could show the Dr that, that morning the end of the toe had gone, well a bit black. :shock:
The Doc said straight away, take her to A&E at the Royal London Hosp Whitechapel & say that Rheumatology are expecting you.
Naturally, that didn't go as swimmingly as we had hoped...
Anyway, left her there in A&E observations, late on Friday night but due to go to a ward. Went in yesterday & today, getting home late each night & no idea if Christmas will be happening now. I'm not that bothered tbh as it's not like we had big plans but even the little that we had planned, might not happen now. Last December she had to go into Newham General (for a different reason) on the 21st so last Christmas didn't really happen then either! It's ok though, it could be a lot worse.
She's in a ward of 4 beds & on the 13th floor & the view out of the big windows is stunning. London lit up at night. The Shard, the gherkin, the walkie-talkie, the cheesegrater, not that mum is with it enough to appreciate the view...any flats with that same view would go for millions but I'm sure all the patients would prefer not to be there!
When I left there tonight, the District Line wasn't running. Fan-bloody-tastic, just what I needed..
So, exactly the same as last year, me leaving everything to do 'til the last minute again, probably means that I can't do much again about doing Christmassy stuff, like getting cards, presents, food, drink!
I don't how this is going to end up. In itself it doesn't seem that serious but, she's in her late '80's & the worst could happen. Although I'm not expecting it to, when your oldies get to that age, perhaps it's wise to be prepared for anything.
Funnily enough, it was 7 years ago today that my dad died. They're obviously both determined to try to bugger up as many Christmases as they can, for me & my sister! At least they were ok when we were young.

[Tenbury]

Take a deep breath.
I'm sure what happened with your old man (Christmas etc) is playing with your mind. If it f*cks up Christmas big deal, have a late one when she comes out.However serious/not serious it is,she's going to get far better treatment there than she would if she was still at home,and exactly when she needs it.
I know it sounds trite,but try not to worry.
Best Wishes.

[White Goodman]

Cheers Richie.

Work have been really good. I've been signed off for the last week or so, and they've pretty much said I can forget any deadlines etc for the foreseeable.

That's good news Ron, must be a relief that they aren't being cocks about it, I do think that attitude is sadly quite rare still.

I'm not in any way proud of the fact that over 3 decades of depression and anxiety that I've not taken 1 day out of the office apart from my previous career I guess.

Probably shortened my life quite considerably (I'll never know) as don't think the body can absorb that kind of stress over a long period.

It's my fault for continually forcing my square self into round holes, rather than find a career where I might be under less scrutiny or subject to high pressure situations.

My first career was a family tradition and I wanted to do it but at this point in my life I'm not sure I wanted to do it for the right reasons . I was diagnosed with Asperger's in the last ten years and it has made everything fit into place retrospectively .

Realistically, the armed forces, especially an aggressive front line unit, should have been something I avoided and I had problems (internally) immediately but remember dismissing them as likely down to the fact that nobody finds the course I was on easy . Still not sure how they didn't weed me out but my view was , get up, do everything they ask me to do for that day, do it well and then repeat each day. Physically I wasn't struggling and they value that, so I think any of my other quirks were probably put down as being just that, idiosyncrasies in my personality.

I think I'm rambling now but the point I was starting to make was that there is still a long way to go in how workplaces treat those suffering from mental illness.

The reason I don't take time out with it isn't that I don't need it, I genuinely do and at the moment it's quite an acute need , I'm seeing uncharacteristic behaviours manifesting recently .

It's down to the fact that I can kiss any further career progression goodbye if I do, my place pays lip service to giving a toss but its actions don't match it's rhetoric.

Prime example, last year a guy who I knew from two of my other workplaces , lost his 19 year old son to one of the most aggressive forms of cancer.

You know, one of those "there are only 25 people with this in the world and we have no idea what to do, sorry ...."" cases.

Contrary to the doctor's expectations, it was a horribly drawn out affair and watching the effect it had on my friend was atrocious.

I recall a conversation with his boss (reflects the pervading culture sadly) where he was moaning about the amount of time he'd had off and it was impacting them making budget .

Yes I know we are running a business but I had also had a conversation with my friend the week before where he'd said, I leave early every day now because Alex wants to sleep in his own bed and I have to carry him to bed each evening now as he can't walk up the stairs any longer.

So I have no faith that they will assist anyone they see or perceive to be struggling.

His dad left soon after but not before rightly calling his MD a **** (a perfect assessment) Sadly I missed out seeing that.

The MD in question is still with us. Still a ****.

I'm trying to organise a move out of the firm but takes time at the level I'm now at . Just hoping I don't keel over before it happens as for the first time in my life I have a really strong sense of my own mortality and how all of this could impact that

I know we all die but have always felt bulletproof physically .

Sorry again, this post was not supposed to be about me, more about how I don't really think we will ever fully see the changes in workplaces that will help people the most and it's good to see that your employer may well be one of the enlightened few. ( That said, using American PE owned firms as my yardstick might be skewing my view on it I guess)

[White Goodman]

As this thread illustrates though, there are many dealing with worse things than me though and often amazed at the strength displayed

[Tenbury]

Whitey, your problems are just as important as anyonelse's.

You are in a far better position than I to judge wether work place attitudes to mental health are improving or not, and I appreciate that it isn't easy when you progress to a certain level, just to jump ship, but one of the (very few) valuable lessons I 've learned is your personal health and well being and that of your family really come first,second and third in any list of priorities.
Good luck.
Best Wishes.

[White Goodman]

Whitey, your problems are just as important as anyonelse's.

You are in a far better position than I to judge wether work place attitudes to mental health are improving or not, and I appreciate that it isn't easy when you progress to a certain level, just to jump ship, but one of the (very few) valuable lessons I 've learned is your personal health and well being and that of your family really come first,second and third in any list of priorities.
Good luck.
Best Wishes.

Thanks mate.

I suspect that a lot of my problems might be made better if I can find a way out of my current employer sooner rather than later.

They really are atrocious

[Samba]

my place pays lip service to giving a toss but its actions don't match it's rhetoric.

Most don't Whitey, most don't.
They should all put a sign up above their entrances:
'Please Leave All Of Your Personal Problems & Mental Anguishes Here & Don't Bring Them In To Our Workplace'.
As if people can just switch off worry & torment, just like that.
I get that businesses can't be a charity but sometimes, I'm sure that they could do a little more to help.

[Mega Ron]

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[S-H]

Lads and lasses. You're all decent folks. Thanks for the adv ice here and there.

I'm taking a break from things for awhile. Have a good Christmas and New Year.

Have a good one, dude, take care of yourself. x

[Turns to Stone]

Prawnie,

Always remember...you are doing everything that YOU can. And that is all you can do. At those moments when I wake up at 2am, and ask myself the same questions. Am I going to get fired from my job? is my wife going to leave me? Is my son going to run into the road because I haven't taught him well enough?

The answer is always the same. What am I doing that can impact these things? And the answer is usually the same - All that I can.

You're a good dad. And you're being a good Dad. One of the things that I have taken away from your posts on this thread is how you have always fought incredibly hard to not let the other **** get in the way of that. And that is massive, dude. Huge. Because we all know that when the **** hits the fan, that's when we stop doing things well. We stop looking after our selves, we stop being a good Dad, a good husband etc. But you haven't. No matter what else, you've been a good Dad.

So keep being a good dad. Keep doing that. Everything else will feel like a storm at your windows and at your doors, but you're their safe space. And they are yours.

Hang in there, man. You're winning.

[Samba]

Have a good one, dude, take care of yourself. x

Seconded, Mega Ron.

[bristolhammerfc]

Feeling pretty low at the moment. Have been diagnosed with pneumonia and on antibiotics .

My issue is I got a big promotion at work and am paranoid that being off sick will somehow scupper everything. My manager has been great and so have my co workers but still can't shake the paranoia.

[S-H]

Feeling pretty low at the moment. Have been diagnosed with pneumonia and on antibiotics .

My issue is I got a big promotion at work and am paranoid that being off sick will somehow scupper everything. My manager has been great and so have my co workers but still can't shake the paranoia.

Everyone is allowed to get ill, mate, you have pneumonia... hardly a case of the sniffles, try not to worry too much, just focus on getting better, and having a good Christmas with your family, you've more than earned it.

[Tenbury]

Briz,
Antibiotics:great for pneumonia, but can do all sorts of stuff to your head. It'll be OK,you must be at least half decent at your job,or you wouldn't have got promoted, and they know anyone of them can get sick, so go easy on yourself.
Hope the meds kick in soon.
Best Wishes.

[Samba]

Feeling pretty low at the moment. Have been diagnosed with pneumonia and on antibiotics .

My issue is I got a big promotion at work and am paranoid that being off sick will somehow scupper everything. My manager has been great and so have my co workers but still can't shake the paranoia.

It's natural what you're feeling but almost certainly unfounded. Your mind's just f*cking you about; they do that!
Remember that you've got a genuine illness, you're not taking the piss.
Tenners is right, the pneumonia itself could well be making you feel low as indeed the antibiotics could.
While you're on them, try to eat some plain, unsweetened low-fat yoghurt or Yacult or Actimel (yoghurt is cheapest) everyday. It help to stop the ab's wiping out all your good gut bacteria.
If you can cough stuff up & out (into toilet paper & down the loo), that'll be good.
As would trying to sleep with your chest & head a bit raised.
Hope you're right as rain soon!

[The Old Man of Storr]

Samba -
What with all my ranting over in the politics thread I missed your post about your Mum being in hospital , truly sorry to hear that , mate but if she's ill and in need of treatment then it's the best place for her . It's always a worry though , my thoughts are with you , the turkey can wait , at least there won't be any arguments over ' Frozen ' or ' The Queen's Speech ' - I always watch the Queen's Speech in the morning .

Bris - you got that promotion on MERIT , they're not going to take it off you because you have pneumonia - Concentrate on getting better and put work on the back-burner .

Mental Health - I know a thing or two about this but here's a little Christmas Tale that might lift your spirits -

We moved to Elgin back in September 2018 to be with our boy who was given a place to study Acting & Performance - things didn't go smoothly , there's a lot of prejudice towards young people with Asperger's and other related syndromes but after a ' clear the air ' meeting between myself and the Course Leader Dan settled down , passed the course and was given a place to study HNC Drama which up here counts as your first year at Degree Level .
We managed to retain the same property we were in for the past 9 months and back we came in September 2019 - there were a few new faces to contend with but Dan soon settled down - he was a bit overwhelmed with the amount of work this new course entailed and in the third week he fell ill with a nasty cough and couldn't attend the next 9 days - he fell behind with the work and began to question whether he was up to HNC level and despite encouragement from myself and Jen he fell into a mini-depression .
There are 12 other people on this course , last year he made a couple of friends that he hung out with during break-time and outside the group but they left to do other things and this year there's no one that wants to connect with him . Naturally we find that difficult to deal with but accept he's different and we get on with things .
For the past three weeks the students have been given various tasks to complete , monologues to learn , readings and essays etc and were only required to attend on the days of their examination . Two weeks ago he did his readings which he dealt with easily enough then he had to learn a Shakespearean monologue - Richard 111 , Act 1 Scene 2 - lines 215-250 ' Was ever woman in this humour wooed etc etc ' and complete and hand in his essay by Tuesday 17th Dec . On Wednesday just gone [ the 18th ] he was examined on the monologue .
The Course Lecturer told him that he was going to split the Drama Group into 3 Tiers - those that had completed their work and learnt their lines and those who still had some catching up to do - Dan and just two other students were put in the Top Tier and he was told to take his pick of the roles in an upcoming play they've to perform .
' I'm part of the elite at last ' he laughed .
You can imagine how proud and relieved Jen and I felt .

Having a kid on the Autistic Spectrum can be a challenge but the rewards when they come are even greater .

Happy Christmas to you all especially to those of you who are struggling or facing the next few days alone , I'll be raising a tall glass of Apple Juice & Elderflower mixed with Diet Lemonade to you one and all - Hang in there .

[Harlow Hammer]

I been reading this thread over the last few months and realised some of the other posts mirror what I'm going through and asked myself the questions "Am I depressed, got and
issue and should I talk to people"

Being a typical man, I shut myself down, not talked to anyone and tried to cope with all that is going on.

1) I have stopped going out, playing golf, going to watch West Ham
2) Stopped contact with a lot of my mates
3) In work I am more or less working on my own as part of a satellite team and usually I thrive working in a team
4) I no longer love my wife, everything irritates me about, we more or less live as housemates and I'm thinking of calling it a day and moving out. I have two kids (10 and 14) who are my world and try and do as much with them as I can work permitting although to be fair they prefer playing on their Xbox's. I worry about them if I up and leave
5) I grew really close with a female work college who was more or less my best mate and now she no longer works with me and we rarely speak although we used to almost every day in and out of work
6) I sit at home alone in the evenings in the front room as the kids are in bed and the wife seems to not want to be in the same room as me and generally will go upstairs to watch tv or read a book. Hardly says two words to me and has no interest in my day or what I have been up to
7) The three people who I used to confide in I have stopped doing, one was my dad who died two years ago, my best friend at work who seems to have just stopped talking to me and my best mate since from my childhood who I rarely speak to now
8) I'm self employed with my contract coming up for renewal. I pay for everything in relation to the house with contribution from the wife although she does work, apparently that is her money despite me asking for some help with the bills it falls on deaf ears. I get stressed out trying to keep everything paid mortgages etc and also tax from by company. She doesn't take any interest or listen when I say things are getting tight or I have a big VAT or Corp tax bill to pay. She doesn't even look at the bank joint account just always expects there to be money in there.
9) I've got two weeks off over Christmas and I would rather be anywhere else but at home, I'm dreading it. I hear all about other people and what they have planned at Christmas/New Year, meeting up with family and friends, going away etc whereas I will be sat at home starting at the walls. I've hated everything in the build up to Christmas this year and can't wait for the two weeks to go by but then I get back into the mundane work but at least I'm not at home

I used to be a happy go lucky bloke, lots of friends in and out of work but i now find myself wanting to be one my own or not making any effort to engage in anything.

I often wonder if its me that has changed and driven people away, am i suffering with depression?. I just don't seem to want to talk to anyone about it, afraid that the mask will slip or I will just burst into floods of tears (I'm nearing that as I write this as its the first time I have said anything to anyone, even it is virtual people online).

On the outside I probably look normal but on the inside I feel lost, empty

I feel like I have no direction, purpose or anything to look forward to and worried it will spiral out of control.

Feels like a bit of a ramble but once i started typing it all just seemed to come out