wolf359 wrote: ↑
Sun Jan 12, 2020 11:53 pm
first of all, thank you to all that has posted in this thread, I've read every page.
EDIT I don't know what you'd say to this post. I'm fed up its Sunday and I'm one week closer to retirement maybe that is a bonus. I'm made versions of this post several times before and deleted it, today I don't thing I will. Thank you for reading
I know I need help, but I'm not sure I want it, may be some of us are designed to be broken.
Wow, what a great post wolf. Well, not great to hear that you're struggling, just great that you posted & how eloquent it was.
You do sound a bit depressed, mate. And why shouldn't you be.
Your daughter would NOT be better off without you, you are NOT an anchor on her & you are NOT an arse hole. You are just somebody struggling with life at the moment & probably have been for those 8 years.
The fact that you are on here, means that you are not alone & it means that you do have friends, even if we're faceless b*stards!
I'm not sure that anyone is designed to be broken. That would have to be that our lives are written, before we are born. I don't know if it is or isn't.
But I do know that people are born into all kinds of families. We each get dealt a different set of cards. And then life happens to us. Bad things happen sometimes that we don't always deserve, if we ever do.
Just please always remember one thing, how you are feeling now cannot stay the same forever, one day you will feel happier & glad that you're still here.
I think you need to see your GP again. I think that is the way to kick things off. He may suggest pills, which you don't HAVE to take (maybe the last ones were not right for you - there are many alternatives), or point you towards some kind of talking therapy. If you had some before, maybe that wasn't the right one. Also, remember that there is always hope.
By posting this, it suggests to me that you are possibly ready to seek & accept some help. It's a positive sign.
None of it means that you have failed or are a failure. It's sometimes a part of life & there are many, many people out there who are feeling as bad as you do, you are definitely not alone, even if it feels like it sometimes.
Keep posting, mate