The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

[Hammers Dad]

one of Slacking's deleted post said that whatever happened led to anxiety and counseling, if i'm not mistaken.

regardless of how trivial something seems to us, it may affect other people in a different way.
telling us something on here may be a first step to open up a bit more.

of course if i come on here all "**** i just spilled me coffee! #sodepressed" you have all the right to tell me to do one, but otherwise i'd keep everything more relaxed. question someone's motive to post on here if you think it's needed, but maybe in a more constructive way.

also, it's not binary, you're not either one inch from suicide or completely sane. whilst i feel for all the guys on this thread (and elsewhere) who seem to be in a very bleak situation, i hope people with "milder" depression don't feel "unworthy" of posting on here.

Ahhh didn't see Slackings comments 're counselling.....maybe, well definitely, misjudged the post.

I know it's not "suicide or sane, its a hell of a lot more complicated than that and yes, depression, however "mild" it is is worth talking about.

[-DL-]

depression, however "mild" it is is worth talking about.

Quite - and being able to talk about it without fear of prejudice or judgement is what is important - and that was my point.

If the removed post directed at SS has put even just one person off from posting on this thread, then that is one person too many.

As the thread title states, it's a thread to discuss depression and other mental health issues. The italicised bit being of most importance - it's not solely for depression. Anxiety, guilt, self loathing or any other mental issue is also within the remit of this thread - and whether we approve or disagree with what people have said, what has caused their problem and whether if it goes against our own morals or not, nobody should judge or post their judgemental opinions on this thread.

I'm not trying to stifle debate or sensor - I'm trying to avoid people being put off and feeling unable to post on this most excellent and valuable thread that's open to the KUMB community.

[DrVenk]

Thanks DL. Understood

I didn't see anything about being in counselling, but like I said before, if there is a more deep seated issue, then I would apologise and withdraw my assertion.

To balance that off, I would like to think that we can also find space on this thread to locate and discuss individual responsibility and how attitudes/patterns of behaviour not only do harm to the posters feelings and emotions, but also to those around them. It shouldn't be done with name calling or being totally dismissive, but I don't see an issue (and indeed, I think it is healthy) in calling out certain acts and choices as shameful. It is a strong word, but adultery and finding out about it must be soul destroying. Therefore strong words seem appropriate when dealing with serious acts that can harm others.

All I ask is that we trust each other on this thread that we are all coming from a well intentioned place and that, even though there is a clash of values, opinions and objections to certain words and phrasing, that we deal with that through well reasoned argument rather than deleting posts.

I'd like to have the opportunity to debate and discuss ideas with as many on here no matter what their beliefs are so long as they are genuine in what they are saying and are not trolling or being abusive. I don't think Eggy was doing either.

I do really appreciate what you were doing DL which was to protect those who are feeling vulnerable and want a safe space to discuss problems. I've always been a big fan on how well this site is policed, so I apologise to you for wading in a bit strong. I really do. And I directly apologise to SS as it seems he is suffering more from his actions than I was aware. I'm sorry fella - I didn't realise that was the case.

And to all, sorry for throwing a spanner in the works on this thread chaps - I just hate no platforming and react strongly to it.

[OFT]

Anyway.....I have been feeling a bit less than healthy recently (although I have told my wife, who asks a lot if I am OK and if anything is bothering me, that everything is fine); the latest fob off is that I think I may have my sons cold which is why I have a headache, though it's more than that. Not sure what as I am not worried about anything. Home life is fine, work is OK if a little stressful at times though I manage to leave it at the door when I leave the office. No real money worries apart from the obvious wanting more. I don't feel suicidal as I once did, that's all done with, but I do feel like something is not right.

I have a review with the quack to set up, maybe I can get some help there.

My first known bout of depression was diagnosed after weeks of me going to the doctor with all manner of 'real' physical symptoms of illness, I was convinced I was terminally ill. I nearly drove the GP bonkers, pestering him almost on a daily basis. At that point I never knowingly felt depressed, just very poorly.

[westham,eggyandchips]

I didnt mean any offence to Slacking.

I just didnt want a really "good" thread to turn into something that resembled Dear Deidre. There has been some eye-opening powerful stuff posted on here that has educated me and almost moved me to tears.

Feeling guilt over an affair and the possible fall-out from that felt like the thread had seriously veered off course from why it was started in the first place.

[mushy]

Warp, DL and DrVenk.
Great posts and well done all.

As for misjudging someone's post (hammers dad) , it's an easy thing to do especially when we clearly are not aware of all the facts. The poster may have chosen not to give us all the facts for instance,it's their choice and we should recognise and not judge either way.
You also stated that a poster cannot have depression for 3 days, and therefore he isnt in any bad state. People can be in crisis for short periods in their lives and get through it ok, others cannot, not without some form of help anyway.
Posting on here can be a start to that process.
We should all be wary of making sweeping statements.
( Says he making quite a few sweeping statements!).

[-DL-]

Feeling guilt over an affair and the possible fall-out from that felt like the thread had seriously veered off course from why it was started in the first place.

I'm not asking SS to give details nor am I asking him to, but we do not know the full story as to why the affair happened in the first place. Of course, adultery is wrong, we all know that - but we don't know what SS's mindset was to start with.

Whilst there is never an excuse to cheat on someone or have an affair with somebody elses better half, there are always reasons that it happens.

However, all we can do is speculate as to what actually happened and the reasons why - but the culmination of events clearly has had an emotional effect on him and left him in turmoil. It's certainly not a situation I'd like to be in.

Guilt or fear of being found out when things go wrong can be a terrible thing to have to deal with. It can eat away at you, and seriously do your head in - resulting in a detrimental affect to your mental health - which by the sounds of things, is what's been happening to slacking - so in that respect it falls perfectly under the remit of this thread.

The most wonderful thing about this thread, as well as mental health as a whole, is that it can encompass a whole lot of different issues, and it's not pigeon holed in to just one thing.

Long may this thread continue that way.

And on that note, I'm going to step back in to the background and observe this thread from afar, and hopefully draw a line under this and allow this thread to continue in the way it has since it's inception.

Oh, and one more thing - fair play to Eggy for coming back and giving his reasons.

Group hug

[S-H]

Hear ****ing hear DL

[Samba]

[ Has RARS landed yet?]

Yes, but they wouldn't let him have a parachute..

[Slacking student]

Guys I’ve stayed away from this thread but thought I’d give some detail as I realise I’ve left things up in the air and thought I might clarify things.

Firstly I want to say I’m disgusted by my actions with the affair and this feeling has led to a lot of self-loathing. If there is any good that can come out of this it’s the fact that I’ve learnt my lesson I hope. I think the phrase is your best teacher is your last mistake.

It started a couple of years ago and neither of us were happy. Me in a long distance that was going nowhere and her in a rut and stupidly got drunk and slept together. We carried this on for a couple of months before I felt to guilty and stopped my relationship. I’m not proud and hate myself for hurting someone. I’ve suffered in the past with depression and this guilt led to me struggling again.

Stupidly I didn’t stop it there as I was in love with her. In the end I couldn’t deal with being the bit on the side as this was hurting me and caused me to completely break down and end up ringing nightline at university. Eventually I stopped it and tried to move on however I couldn’t do it as I was sat 10 feet away from her for most of the working week, I should have said something to someone then as I knew I was struggling but due to her position and marriage I had to keep it bottled up.

All this and her advancing in her relationship with her fella whilst telling me she’ll leave him and she loved me combined to bring back the anxiety and depression back to the surface. Ended up in counselling after Christmas after breaking down in tears to my mum on Boxing Day. Genuinely didn’t want to go on.

I know It’s my fault and I’m not looking for sympathy off anyone I just needed to get the situation off my chest I found myself in over the past couple of weeks. I should have mentioned that I was seeing a counsellor rather than just dressing it up as situational anxiety from being in a bad situation. It felt like the walls were closing in again and I was terrified of it all coming out. I just wanted to get it off my chest and hoped this was a place to turn to. I think I said previously my utter thanks to the guys who responded as it was eating away at me that I may hurt her and her partner by my stupid actions.

I appreciate all the comments, especially Eggys and Venks, it’s good to see different opinions because without them it becomes an echo chamber and they’re not healthy for anyone as it can reinforce the bad behaviour.

I’m gutted by this and just want to put it behind me and try to move onto something new that is less toxic. Seeing the counsellor helps me with the anxiety and depression I have had as result of this and as I said I’m now trying to take positives in that I’ve learnt and taking each day as small steps. Just trying to finish the PhD right now.

I know I’ve not put this in the best of ways and wish I could convey what’s in my head in more detail. Its no-ones fault but mine and I’m trying to deal with it.

Just thanks again to everyone who contributes to this thread, in my opinion it’s the best one on the forum and what makes this the best fan site out there

[S-H]

Fair play SS, that couldn't of been easy, I hope it has helped in some way though, but I hope you didn't feel like you had to justify your reasons for sharing in the first place.

Good luck moving forward, mate.

[DrVenk]

I second Somerset.

Dealing with a PhD locks people into their heads anyway, so dealing with this is another reason to turn inwards. But you didn't and you came on here And I really didn't know you were in counselling fella. Again very sorry to judge too quickly, and I hope you get that bloody PhD off your back ASAP! [To a high standard, of course].

Best advice I ever had...."PhDs are never finished, but only ever abandoned. And what's more, it's only a PhD."

Hope you come out the other side very soon mate (both academically and emotionally) and for life to begin again.

[Samba]

Affairs of the heart are very often, much easier to get in to, than out of.

[Officer Dibble]

I wouldn't say what you have been / are going through is your "fault" SS.

As an observer it is very easy for people to say that you played with fire and got burnt, however, this is without any of the emotions involved in any type of relationship. As Samba said, "love" really can play havoc with your mind.

Hopefully your sessions with the Counsellor will help you through the rest of your PhD, it can't be easy working closely with someone who you have feelings for. Hopefully she is making it as painless as possible for you.

[Hammers Dad]

For my part SS, I sincerely apologise.

I was only seeing the "had an affair and thought I'd caught something off someone else" aspect of your post and didn't see any of the other information you have since posted.

I can now see you really have been through the wringer and it looks like you have the right tools to help you get to the other side.

Again, my apologies.

[Rio]

This week has been incredibly tough.

Physical problems taking their toll, running on basically 3 hours sleep a night, because my arms go dead at night while I sleep and I’m almost frightened to try and go back. Went to the GP, she recommended bloods be done, letter arrived to make a telephone consultation far too quickly after receiving the results. From being able to do half marathons 4 years ago, I can barely walk for 20 minutes without developing a limp. Went expecting to have an ultrasound on my knee. Been referred back to neurology as they think it’s MS. I had an abnormal brain scan a few years back, but after seeing a neurologist he said it’s fine just one of those things. The anxiety over it all nearly killed me. Felt fine after that for about 18 months, before an accident where I slipped and smashed my head open on a sink.

Was referred to neurology in Stevenage following this, but living in Dagenham it was hardly convenient. After an initial consultation I was due to have an mri again. Caught in traffic was an hour late and they refused to see me. Rebooked and arrived in good time 5 weeks later only to be told I was supposed to be in Welwyn garden city. I told them to poke it. I felt ok anyway.

Since then my walking ability has become increasingly worse, I get numbness in the 2 outer fingers on each arm. Arms go dead at night.

I tried talking therapy initially for the anxiety but it didnt work for me.

Now I’m dreading calling the GP to discuss my results. The new neurology referral is to Newham general, where both my Nan and uncle who I was extremely close to passed away.

The inability to exercise has led me to increase weight. The worry has seen me drink more. I’m not sleeping. I’ve neglected my duties on here. I’m doing some stupid ****.

It’s all a bit incoherent sorry, but need to vent somewhere and everyone at home and close to me, says oh don’t worry, we’ll support you. I don’t want support I want to be well and feel normal again

[Tenbury]

Right..
Firstly, I'm dishing out advice here because it's far easier than dealing with my total meltdown which I laughingly pass off as a life, so my views could well be meaningless,whatever.

For me, it seems you're in a downward spiral exacerbated by some random events that just seem to happen sometimes. The worst thing for me , every single time is LACK OF SLEEP. I know it's a b*stard of a habit to break out of but whatever is ,or more likely,isn't going on healthwise , it's impossible to think rationally when you're constantly shagged out. I truly believe that addressing this is the first step to dealing with whatever is,or very possibly,isn't going on.
I've been plagued by lack of sleep for donkeys, as I take a lot of steroid and at times find exercise impossible, but will chuck in a couple of things that see me muddle along : If you can, take a nap ,I know people say "then I won't sleep at night", but if you don',t anyway,at least you'll be refreshed for a bit.Try to substitute at least some of the booze for water, you need to hydrate . Cut the screen time,especially late on, a book is much easier, and ,if you can, a late,even short,walk is a way of winding down.If the GP says pills, take a short course to reboot your sleep rhythms.

That's where I'd start anyhow. Best Wishes.

[S-H]

Rio - sorry to hear that you're struggling mate, it seems the fear of the unknown is what is effecting you the most, I know it's not easy but you need to hit this head on, call the GP, chances are your results are fine, if not then at least the docs can start to help you with the appropriate treatment, and you'll know what you're dealing with.

If it's any consolation, my arms sometimes go dead at night, or I have pins and needles I just always assumed that it was because I was led on them for long periods of time.

Get the call to GP out of the way and go from there mate, talking about it and getting it off your chest is a good start mate, and there are an army of fine people on here or are more eloquent and knowledgeable than myself who might offer better words of advice.

All the best mate, I hope things turn out ok.

[DrVenk]

Rio -

I used to get numbness in my left face due to poor posture causing a trapped nerve. I had a touch of RSI too, so I got tingling in my fingers and a pain in my upper left arm on top of the loss of sensation in my face. That was it - F*CK...I'm having a stroke! It fitted. I wasn't though...it was just due to me sitting hunched and lying in bed at night at a skewed angle. A lot of the times these symptoms can be a product of one or two relative harmless issues.

Tingling, peripheral neuropathy, and muscular issues are things I have experience with as my old man was a type 1 diabetic with mobility issues. I am not a medical practitioner but I'm fairly clued up on the medical science behind your symptoms so here is my take:

A jump to MS sounds premature to me. I guess ruling it out wouldn't be a bad thing but there are a number of more likely causes before we get to that I think. You really do need to go back to the GP for those results though. If a neurologist has previously cleared you following an MRI, then that is some comfort. A follow up MRI will in all likelihood give you an all clear for anything really serious. Get that out of the way ASAP then assuming it is not MS, you can really tackle this head on.

I presume the blood work that was ordered was to check your blood glucose? Were they fishing for type 2 diabetes? Peripheral neuropathy is sometimes an indicator of diabetes. If you have put on weight over the past few years and have a not so great diet, then that might be a reason. If you are getting intermittent dizzy spells and falling over, I have to say this does sound like a distinct possibility. I actually can't believe they haven't ruled this out - or maybe they have? If not, I'd be thinking types 2 diabetes which is perfectly manageable. If it is this, then your current drinking will be making this worse.

The anxiety trap you find yourself in I think would be relieved a bit if you went back to the GP for those results. It sounds like you're turning in on yourself and the step you need to make is to be taking control of the situation. Not seeing the GP is the opposite of taking control. That will create more anxiety. That will keep you locked in this cycle of doing less and drinking more. You should go. Just get it out of the way. There is no help here other than 'just do it'. Then once you have an all clear on the MS front, you can then tackle this knowing it is not the worst.

Rule out the worst mate then you'll be free to work this problem.

[Rio]

Thanks gents. Forgive my meltdown. There’s people on here with more serious stuff going down. But everything is appreciated