The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

[Mega Ron]

Harlow. I've no advice for you,as I'm pretty bad at the interacting thing, but I wanted you to know that I've read your post, and I feel for you buddy.

[Samba]

Samba -
What with all my ranting over in the politics thread I missed your post about your Mum being in hospital , truly sorry to hear that , mate but if she's ill and in need of treatment then it's the best place for her . It's always a worry though , my thoughts are with you , the turkey can wait , at least there won't be any arguments over ' Frozen ' or ' The Queen's Speech ' - I always watch the Queen's Speech in the morning .

Spoken like a true Marxist!
Only joking.
Thanks, TOMoS.
Yes, I don't mind her being in Whitechapel. She was in a bay of 4 beds & getting well looked after but then she tested positive for mrsa (apparently it occurs quite often on many of us) & had to be moved to a single room nearby. The quality of care immediately went down imo.
They're wanting to either transfer her closer to home in Newham General (although I don't feel the care there is as good as the Royal London) or even straight to home with some kind of social care (which won't be as good as in hospital) coming in which I presume we'll have to pay for.
Have to be honest though, I'm starting to feel a bit mentally exhausted with it all.

[Samba]

I been reading this thread over the last few months and realised some of the other posts mirror what I'm going through and asked myself the questions "Am I depressed, got and
issue and should I talk to people"

Hi HH,
I'm a bit knackered at the moment to fully reply but I hope to get back to you.
Mega Ron already has & I'm sure that others will as well. All really great people on this thread.
One thing I must say though is what a fantastic post I thought you wrote. That gives me hope for you.
If you feel like crying & it's convenient, let it out, it can only do good mate.
You are not alone in feeling how you do & try to remember, there's always hope. Also, we are real people on here & the anonymity can be really helpful.
Yes you do sound a bit depressed tbh & it sounds like you have good reasons to be. Try to also remember that even bad things, don't last forever, even if they sometimes feel like it!
Finally, it's really not everyone that's looking forward to or going to have a great Christmas, so again, you are not alone there.
Perhaps when you can it might be a good idea to see your GP. That really is the start of kicking anything off, emotional or physical.
Keep posting if you need to mate. We'll all look forward to it.

[Tenbury]

Harlow, saw this yesterday, but I've been on the road.Like Ron, I'm not sure I'm the best to advise, and I hope it's not inappropriate.
It's really easy to get into a downward spiral , and stuff that you might normally roll with : relationships going through a dodgy patch, kids growing into teenagers, crap at work, etc etc , become huge issues.
(FWIW, I think 2years from losing your Dad things must still feel very raw). I think perhaps you should make a GP s appointment, and if you can't talk to them,seriously, just show them the post you made above.

As for Christmas, which I hate,I can only outline my personal coping strategy, just work on one day at a time.Take the opportunity of time off work to do stuff with your kids.. even if you have to get on the dreaded Xbox yourself, I'm hopeless at it but it means I spend hours with my son Id otherwise be wasting feeling lousy.
I hope this hasn't sounded too trite, there are no simple answers, seeking out medical help can seem a bit daunting, but sometimes it's the best path.
You can always let off steam here.
Best Wishes.

[-DL-]

I been reading this thread over the last few months....

Mate, so much of this resonates with me - so many similarities it's unreal. Oddly enough though, I don't know what advice I can give, because I've not found the answers myself yet. Like you, I live with my wife, but that's about it. So much stuff annoys me about her - and without going in to too much detail as she's not here to give her side of the story - I'm pretty much like you, whereby I just shut myself in another room when she's here, try to avoid conversation - and I've even given up trying to talk to her or trying to right what's going on, as nothing ever gets sorted, ends up in a row and she starts on the blame game or acts like a petulant child.

My main port of call to turn to when I'm feeling down, the person to talk to who is non-judgemental is no longer part of my life as he had a stroke last year and is now pretty much incapacitated and is miles away from me in a nursing home, and that's one of the hardest things to deal with - because I do feel alone now, even though I have friends around me - I no longer have that one friend that I can open up to. My long term friends from my younger days I shut out my life some time ago, as I realised their lifestyle, and subsequently my lifestyle, wasn't good for me.

I don't know what the new year is going to bring for me, but I know things in my life need to change. I'm not happy with my lot (and I still wouldn't be if I hadn't had my health issues either - the issues right now are totally unrelated to that - I left here the summer of 2018 due to the same issues as now, but decided to give things another go with her before the health issues started) but if it means I do leave here again, permanently, then that's what I will have to do, as things cannot carry on how they are - and I honestly think it's not salvageable now.

Just hang in there buddy, because I suspect the time will come where you do finally decide to do what's right for you, and your kids in the long term. The only major difference in our situations, is thus far, you are able to comfortably look ahead to the long term, where as I, don't even know if I have a long term, which is a head f*** in itself.

[mushy]

The pressures of Christmas, the pressures of relationships, the pressures of life.
Tis the season to be jolly, so they tell us anyway.
Every advert, every film, every TV show tells us how we should be doing Christmas, everyone is one big happy family, sitting around the table eating perfect food, being jolly, being nice to one another, laughing and joking. Nobody argues, nobody skulks off to the corner, and nobody mucks up the turkey.
Every single part of Christmas just piles more and more pressure on everyone, I am often surprised that anyone enjoys any of it to be honest. Its no wonder that some people are quite happy spending the day on their own.

Loneliness and Isolation are not exclusive to those who are on their own. Many calls the The Samaritans get over the Christmas period are from people that are not spending the day on their own but are still lonely, they often feel like they are not actually part of anything even though they are spending the day in the so called bosom of the family.
Then there are the poor souls who are on their own but dont wish to be, they can go through the entire Christmas period without talking to another human being. How sad is that? Communication is a basic human need.

Which brings me on nicely to the other topic of concern and that is relationships.
I am no relationship counsellor so any thoughts on this are based purely on my own experiences and nothing else, as such any opinion I give is purely that, just an opinion.
We talk about the pressures of Christmas, the pressures on relationships are similar.
Society continually tells us that out there somewhere is the perfect person for all of us, our other half, our soulmate, the one we can walk off hand in hand with into the sunset and live happily ever after.
Of course its nonsense.
I often hear people say that they are looking for someone to make them happy, trouble is, I think that happiness must always come from within, it should start with yourself and anything else partnership wise is a lovely bonus.
In other words if we think that the answer to our happiness lies in the hands of someone else, someone we probably havent even met then I would say that that sort of happiness is probably unachievable in the long run and doomed to failure.
Try and fix ourselves first and be happy with who or what we are.

The bare minimum in any relationship should be that you and your partner care for one another and communicate effectively, without those two things it seems like there isnt a lot of point, unless of course you would prefer that option to being on your own.
Loneliness and isolation can be an awful thing for some people, some people may decide that a failing relationship is better then being on their own. These are tough choices.
This isnt directed particularly at either yourself DL or you Harlow Hammer, both of you have opened up your hearts on here in a moving and honest way, you both deserve massive credit for doing this, but some of what I have mentioned may resonate with yourselves. I speak as someone who was once both of you in similar ways, I made big decisions, some of which were correct and some not. What I did learn was that any form of depression tricks the mind into doing things that I shouldnt have done, and made decisions that I also shouldnt have done.
In other words, try and fix yourselves mentally before you make a really big choice. You dont want to spend the rest of your lives living with regrets.
Good luck to both of you, I wish you and your families nothing but happiness and remember that if you are really unhappy then so probably is your wife/partner. A bit of empathy goes a long long way.

So, as its that time of year its probably a good time to mention the Samaritans and how to contact them (remember you dont have to have suicidal feelings to call them, most calls they take this time of year are nothing to do with suicide).
The number is 116 123 its free from landlines and almost all mobile operators.
You can also email Jo@Samaritans.org
They are open 24x7 throughout the year including all over the Christmas period.
They dont judge, they dont give specific advice, but they are trained listeners and are there to listen to all of us.

Merry Christmas my a**e.

[mushy]

Samba,
Am sorry to hear about mum, hope she gets better very soon.
Make sure you are looking after yourself as well (good food, good sleep).



Mega Ron, Prawnie, Bristol (and anyone I have missed)
Hope all is well with you all, keep fighting, you are doing great.

[EastBrisHammer]

Hi HH,

I cannot offer you much advice, but I can empathise a bit. I have had times where I have felt on my own, surrounded by people but feeling that not one of them actually gives a stuff about me. It is actually nonsense, a product of your own mind, and you have to remind yourself people have their own feelings and problems to deal with and it isn't a personal slight against you.

I was in a similar position to you last year. My wife was distant and didn't take an interest in anything I had to say or do, and at the same time my job came under threat and I lost my entire team putting the full workload on my shoulders. I sorted the work stuff out quickly and made sure that I prioritised everything with my boss so he wouldn't expect miracles. At home I began to think about moving out and wondering what it would be like to start with a clean slate. I even got excited about the prospect. I told my wife I thought separation would be a good idea and initially she agreed. But then we talked about why we were not happy and where our relationship had gone wrong. We actually had an 'adult' conversation without the usual tit-for-tat and recriminations. There were a few but we both quickly nipped then in the bud. It appeared we both still loved each other but most of the things that were making us unhappy was a general dissatisfaction with life. My wife was possibly menopausal as she felt an anger at everything, not just me, and she found life irritating. She had got fed up of me criticising about small stuff and tbh I was doing it a fair amount (and she was doing it to me as well). Moaning about too many pairs of shoes in the hallway and that kind of nonsense can have really negative impact on a relationship. She went to the doctor and found a few solutions to help combat her suspected menopause. I agreed to be more tolerant of her bad moods and to not take them personally. She made an effort to ask more about my life. We both agreed that we sometimes bored each other with the same old stories about work and friends and it wasn't surprising after 20 years of marriage. I think it made us realise that we were both taking each other for granted and looking for fault. Familiarity had begun to breed contempt.

A year on and we are doing pretty well. We are definitely much more supportive of each other and much more tolerant. We both enjoy spending time together again but also make sure we have our own time. We are both conscious not to unnecessarily snap at each other and apologise if we do. We are just more empathic about each other’s feelings. Things will never be the same as when we first met but then I don't expect them to be. Our lives have changed dramatically since then.

As for the other things in life, try to re-engage with your social life. Take it one step at a time. Try to take some of the routine out of your life. Try something new. Again, remember, familiarity can go from something comforting to something annoying. Mix it up a bit. A lot of people on here recommend exercise (it doesn't work for me) so that might help with your well being.

And as others have already said, see your GP. Or book a private counsellor and share your feelings. I did a few sessions 15 years ago and it was good to unburden myself. Up to that point I was quite sceptical about it all.

Sorry I cannot be much more help than that but continue to post on here, and don’t be afraid to share those feelings. They do no one any good bottled up.

[WHU Independent]

I hope that this link might be able to help someone.

https://lifehacker.com/how-to-stop-hati ... RV6NIYUiwQ

[Samba]

Samba,
Am sorry to hear about mum, hope she gets better very soon.
Make sure you are looking after yourself as well (good food, good sleep).

Mega Ron, Prawnie, Bristol (and anyone I have missed)
Hope all is well with you all, keep fighting, you are doing great.

Thanks, mushy.
That last post of yours was really great. Such wise, helpful words.

[Samba]

Hi HH,

I cannot offer you much advice, but I can empathise a bit. I have had times where I have felt on my own, surrounded by people but feeling that not one of them actually gives a stuff about me. It is actually nonsense, a product of your own mind, and you have to remind yourself people have their own feelings and problems to deal with and it isn't a personal slight against you.

And as others have already said, see your GP. Or book a private counsellor and share your feelings. I did a few sessions 15 years ago and it was good to unburden myself. Up to that point I was quite sceptical about it all.

Sorry I cannot be much more help than that but continue to post on here, and don’t be afraid to share those feelings. They do no one any good bottled up.

That's also such a great post, EBH.
A clear example of you & your Mrs both getting together & really sorting things out. So encouraging to read.
Of course, not every couples issues will be exactly the same & the outcome might not be but you gave such a good example of how to approach it.
Relationships; they're not easy.

[The Old Man of Storr]

We talk about the pressures of Christmas, the pressures on relationships are similar.
Society continually tells us that out there somewhere is the perfect person for all of us, our other half, our soulmate, the one we can walk off hand in hand with into the sunset and live happily ever after.
Of course its nonsense.
I often hear people say that they are looking for someone to make them happy, trouble is, I think that happiness must always come from within, it should start with yourself and anything else partnership wise is a lovely bonus.

In other words if we think that the answer to our happiness lies in the hands of someone else, someone we probably havent even met then I would say that that sort of happiness is probably unachievable in the long run and doomed to failure.
Try and fix ourselves first and be happy with who or what we are.

The bare minimum in any relationship should be that you and your partner care for one another and communicate effectively, without those two things it seems like there isnt a lot of point, unless of course you would prefer that option to being on your own.
I made big decisions, some of which were correct and some not. What I did learn was that any form of depression tricks the mind into doing things that I shouldnt have done, and made decisions that I also shouldnt have done.
In other words, try and fix yourselves mentally before you make a really big choice. You dont want to spend the rest of your lives living with regrets.
Good luck to both of you, I wish you and your families nothing but happiness and remember that if you are really unhappy then so probably is your wife/partner. A bit of empathy goes a long long way.

I've said this before - Mushy , you are brilliant at this type of thing , apart from your lack of apostrophes - it's perfect .

Harlow - you mention the death of your Father , could this have affected you more than you thought ?
The death of a parent can sometimes push us right off the rails - the people that looked after us as youngsters are no longer there , they've gone forever and we feel lost and sometimes we take out our frustrations on our nearest and dearest and expect them to understand and while we know how we feel we sometimes don't give enough consideration to how our partners are feeling - you may have had a shyte day at work , your Boss may have given you hell all day but it's your wife that stayed at home all day looking after your child / children and is suppose to put your dinner on the table at the end of all that - ask yourselves if you could do more at home - peel the potatoes , hoover up , put the dirty dishes in the dishwasher , stuff like that .

No relationship is perfect , it's about Give and Take , it's about working through your problems together .
Marriage is Difficult , Divorce is Easy , it's not like it is in the Movies - we're not living on the set of ' Friends ' .

It's not just about You it's about Her as well , Both of You .

Having said that , if being 19 is difficult then so is being in your mid-40s - your Youth is gone but you don't consider yourself Old yet either , you think you can still ' Pull ' - or you see your Partner growing old but fail to see you've grown older too .
Life is so much better in your late 50s early 60s - but that's no help to you just now .

Before you think of calling it a day think about whether the problems could lie with you - talk things through with your partner first before making any rash decisions .

[OFT]

Harlow. I've no advice for you,as I'm pretty bad at the interacting thing, but I wanted you to know that I've read your post, and I feel for you buddy.

That's how I feel MR. I'd love to be able to offer more support on here but apart from my own experiences with depression have nothing of the knowledge of others here other than to say that I read and keep up to date with it all and everyone on this thread has my very best wishes.

[mushy]

I realise she is not everyone's cup of tea but Sarah Millican does some really good stuff around mental health, including her join in campaign at Chrsitmas.
http://www.bbc.com/news/uk-42477266

Basically she links people that are on their own at Christmas together via Twitter so they can chat to each other.

[S-H]

There's some f*cking good people on here, proud to be associated with you.

[PrawnSandwich]

Thank you TTS, I appreciate your words immensely.
Been told off by my friends for my solo Xmas plans and several people have thrown open their doors and shown a lot of love so I am going to spend the day and night with my none blood family after spending the early part of the day with the kids.

[PrawnSandwich]

And thanks to you mushy as well.

For all those others on this thread going through tough times you have my empathy and support. I wish you all the strength and happiness.
Others have given advice in better words than I have but never underestimate your ability to keep putting one foot in front of the other and getting through.

[westhamshares]

As someone who only infrequently pops back into this chat id like to wish everybody who posts on this thread a better new year than the one that is about to finish

Please do follow the links and advice from mushy and others - I repeat a post that I made a while ago if you want someone to chat to then send me a pm - if you need to someone to meet up with at home and particularly away games I’m your man

If anybody for whatever reason cannot afford to attend a game at LS and would like to go with their child I’m offering gratis a pair of tickets for the Bournemouth home game just send me a pm and I’ll email you the tickets - no questions asked

Just be aware that these tickets are in the lower tier and you will have to stand during the game - little Johnny or Jane can stand on the seat

[PrawnSandwich]

Top man as ever whs.

I don’t see myself getting much time on here tomorrow but I wish everyone here a good day and all the best over this period.

A big thank you to the people who have helped with kind words and advice over this year.
You have all helped even just by listening.
Everyone here is amazing and I wish you all a much better 2020 and beyond.

[smuts]

Wishing all of you all the best this Christmas and for the new year.