I bumped into my favourite Lady of the Night the other day , old Elspeth MacSporran was in a foul mood .
' See those Englush , they have what they cool St Swithin's Day doon there don't they , wull , I tell ye woot , we shood adopt that fookin' Saint of theirs , Son , in fact we shood cull every day St Swithin's Day oop here , eh ? she laughed , showing all of her two teeth ' Another thing , son , see that fookin' Percy MacWhatsisface , that's the last tim I send him a fookin' digital answer I tell ye , I keep getting every oonsar richt but he draws some Englush floozie oot the hat every fookin' wack , never anyone north of that toon that toornip fella used to manage , ken , it's a fookin' swizz that's woot it as ' .
' No 50% off tonight then , Elz ? '
' Ach , pass the Talisker an' guv us a han' with thus wak's Percy's Poser , ya barmpot , I canna mak it oot ' .
As you may have noticed Elspeth izznae fae Skye [ oh my God I'm beginning to tak like hur ] , she doesn't speak with such delicate tones as the lovely Skye lassies , but there again none of them offer 50% off on a Saturday .
Elspeth's answer -
' Students at this college have to ask teachers for TOILET PAPER after BOG ROLL BAN ' .
All prizes to be sent to - Miss Elspeth MacSporran , The 4th Caravan On The Left Past The Toilets , Quiraing , M'Lud ? , Skye .