The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

[OFT]

I couldn't get my new dog to obey a single word of English.
Turns out he's espanyol

[vietnammer]

Archaeologists in Egypt have discovered a mummy covered in chocolate and hazelnuts. They believe it to be the remains of Pharaoh Rocher.





(sure that's been on here already...)

[Maroonmachine]

Why didn't the Lifeguard save the Hippy?


Because he was too far out...

[Sauce!]

What's the difference between Batman and a scouser?

Batman can go out without Robin.

[lewisham-mer]

A blond dropped a shirt off at the dry cleaners.

On the way out of the door, the lady at the counter said Come Again.

The blond said "no, it's toothpaste this time"

[cambridge hammer]

My mate has a new job in a factory that makes chess peices. Next week he is on knights.

[ageing hammer]

My mate has a new job in a factory that makes chess peices. Next week he is on knights.

[hammer etc]

Q. What is Putin having for Christmas?

A.Turkey.

[Dover KUMB fan]

My mate has a new job in a factory that makes chess peices. Next week he is on knights.

Spooky. A mate of mine has been really down on his luck & unemployed for months.
He now has a job in a telescope factory. Things are really looking up for him now.

[Welling]

I know it's been a long while, but does anyone know if Lisa Stansfield has found her baby yet?

[prince_huggy]

I know it's been a long while, but does anyone know if Lisa Stansfield has found her baby yet?

The fact that she'd been around the world and already spent a long time looking for him I doubt it but she did say she would find him, so maybe.

[claretandblue82]

I know it's been a long while, but does anyone know if Lisa Stansfield has found her baby yet?

Unfortunately all police time is still being taken up finding Maddy!! (too soon?)

[screech]

Never buy Ukrainian Y fronts

Chernobyl fall out

[Dover KUMB fan]

A teacher asked the children in her third year class, "What do you want to be when you grow up?"
Little Johnny answered first. "I want to start out as an S.A.S. Officer, go to the Middle East and kill loads of militant Muslims and return as a national hero.
"Then I'd become a billionaire, go to the most expensive clubs, find myself the finest nymphomaniac tart, give her a Ferrari, an apartment in Copacabana, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel throughout Europe, an Infinite Visa Card, and all the while bang her like a loose screen door in a hurricane."
The teacher - shocked and not knowing what to do with this unfortunate response from little Johnny - decided not to acknowledge what he had said and simply tried to continue with the lesson.
"And how about you, Sarah?"
"I want to be Johnny's tart!"

[ageing hammer]

Never buy Ukrainian Y fronts

Chernobyl fall out

Quality

[lewisham-mer]

My friends were amazed when I told them I can tell the future using herbs.

"Is it true?" They asked

'Only thyme will tell' I replied.

[ageing hammer]

My friends were amazed when I told them I can tell the future using herbs.

"Is it true?" They asked

'Only thyme will tell' I replied.

Good old Lewisham, never disappoints

[Westcliffspur]

I can see five years into the future. I've got 2020 vision.

[claretandblue82]

Why did the hair band walk into the lamppost?

Because it was eating chocolate!! :lol:

(Courtesy of my 3 yo daughter)

[El Diablo]

My daily battle (note the **** is everyones favourite word beginning with )

Every day I try my best not to be a ****

But everyone I deal with is a ****

So I end up being a bigger **** to out**** the ****s!