The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

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Dover KUMB fan
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Dover KUMB fan » Wed May 01, 2019 2:04 pm

What do you call a woman in a blue football shirt singing latin dance songs?

Gloria Leicester fan.

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Sauce!
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Sauce! » Wed May 01, 2019 6:26 pm

Last night I took the batteries out of my carbon monoxide alarm as its constant loud beeping was giving me a headache and making me feel dizzy and sick.

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psychoscoredthelot
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by psychoscoredthelot » Thu May 02, 2019 1:01 pm

Dover KUMB fan wrote:What do you call a woman in a blue football shirt singing latin dance songs?

Gloria Leicester fan.
terrible but funny

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Cockneyboy311
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Cockneyboy311 » Thu May 02, 2019 1:23 pm

Dover KUMB fan wrote:What do you call a woman in a blue football shirt singing latin dance songs?

Gloria Leicester fan.

:D

Hammer.CA
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Hammer.CA » Thu May 02, 2019 5:36 pm

Sad news to report, our pet hamster has passed away unfortunately. He died at the wheel.

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Sauce!
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Sauce! » Thu May 02, 2019 7:23 pm

I used to go out with a girl who smelled like a cricket bat.

Her name?

Lindsey Doyle.

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Monkeybubbles
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Monkeybubbles » Thu May 02, 2019 9:26 pm

Dover KUMB fan wrote:What do you call a woman in a blue football shirt singing latin dance songs?

Gloria Leicester fan.

April 29th 2016......
Coops wrote:What do you call a lady who sings salsa based dance songs while wearing a blue and white scarf?

Gloria Leicester Fan.
**** it, I really wish I could stop.

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S-H
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by S-H » Thu May 02, 2019 9:31 pm

Love you :D

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Samba
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Samba » Sat May 04, 2019 3:17 am

Monkeyb, I’ll level with you. I’m really scared..

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IABATAC
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by IABATAC » Sat May 04, 2019 7:09 pm

What's got 8 legs, 3 heads and a tail?

Despite what you might think, there really is only one answer to this.

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Sauce!
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Sauce! » Sat May 04, 2019 7:17 pm

IABATAC wrote:What's got 8 legs, 3 heads and a tail?

Despite what you might think, there really is only one answer to this.

A man, a woman, and a donkey.

(coincidentally part of my “special interest” DVD collection)

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uptonparkhurst
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by uptonparkhurst » Sun May 05, 2019 12:09 pm

After successive defeats, Spurs have apparently sacked their Director of Tactics - Juan Nil.

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Rocketron
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Rocketron » Tue May 07, 2019 6:25 pm

An 86-year-old very wealthy man went to his doctor for his quarterly check-up...
The doctor asked him how he was feeling, and the
86-year-old said, 'Things are great and I've never felt better.'
I now have a 20-year-old bride who is pregnant with my child.
'So what do you think about that Doc?'

The doctor considered his question for a minute and then began to tell a story.
'I have an older friend, much like you, who is an avid hunter and never misses a season.'
One day he was setting off to go hunting. In a bit of a hurry, he accidentally picked up his walking cane instead of his gun.'
'As he neared a lake, he came across a very large male beaver sitting at the water's edge.
He realized he'd left his gun at home and so he couldn't shoot the magnificent creature. Out of habit he raised his cane, aimed it at the animal as if it were his favorite hunting rifle, and went 'bang, bang'..'
'Miraculously, two shots rang out and the beaver fell over dead..
Now, what do you think of that?' asked the doctor.
The 86-year-old said, 'Logic would strongly suggest that somebody else pumped a couple of rounds into that beaver.'
The doctor replied, 'My point exactly.'

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Rocketron
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Rocketron » Tue May 07, 2019 6:25 pm

Girl: "Mom I'm pregnant..."
Mom: "Didn't I tell you when a boy touches your boobs to say 'don't' and when he touches your vagina to say 'stop'?!"
Girl: "I know but he was touching both so I kept saying 'don't stop, don't stop'..."

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Rocketron
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Rocketron » Tue May 07, 2019 6:26 pm

A man staggered into a hospital with a concussion,
multiple bruises, two black eyes, and a five iron
wrapped tightly around his throat.

Naturally, the Doctor asked him, 'What happened
to YOU?'

'Well, I was having a quiet round of golf with my
wife when, at a difficult hole, we both sliced our
golf balls into a field of cattle.

We went to look for them and while I was looking
around I noticed one of the cows had something
white at its rear end.'

'I walked over, lifted its tail, and sure enough,
there was a golf ball with my wife's monogram on it
- stuck right in the middle of the cow's ar$e.

Still holding the cow's tail up, I yelled to my
wife, 'Hey, this looks like yours!''

I don't remember much after that'

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Rocketron
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Rocketron » Tue May 07, 2019 6:26 pm

A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two large plastic garbage bags behind her. One of the bags was ripped and every once in a while a £20 fell out onto the sidewalk.
Noticing this, a policeman stopped her, and said, "Ma'am, there are £20 bills falling out of that bag."
"Oh, really? Darn it!" said the little old lady. "I'd better go back and see if I can find them. Thanks for telling me officer.
"Well, now, not so fast," said the cop.“Where did you get all that money? You didn't steal it, did you?"

"Oh, no, no", said the old lady. "You see, my back yard is right next to a Golf course. A lot of Golfers come and pee through a knot hole in my fence, right into my flower Garden. It used to really tick me off. Kills the flowers, you know. Then I thought, 'why not make the best of it?
So, now, I stand behind the fence by the knot hole, real quiet, with my hedge clippers. Every time some guy sticks his thing through my fence, I surprise him, grab hold of it and say, 'O.K., buddy! Give me £20, or off it comes.'
"Well, that seems only fair," said the cop, laughing. "OK. Good luck! Oh, by the way, what's in the other bag?"
"Not everybody pays."

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Rocketron
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Rocketron » Tue May 07, 2019 6:27 pm

A man goes to see a hypnotist cause he gets erection problems! Anyway the man gets hynotised and the hypnotist says "wenever you can't get an erection say 123 and u will get the biggest erection you've ever had" he then says! "However if your wife can't take it anymore she has to say 1234, the only catch is that if she does you won't get an erection for a year".
The man thinks for a while and says with a sly smile. "well I can live with that! I just won't tell the wife what to say".
So with this the man rushes home, eagerly anxious to try out what he's been told! As he crashes thro door of his house he shouts.."123" and gets the biggest erection he's ever had, to which his wife calls back
"What you shouting 123 for!!!!"..

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Rocketron
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Rocketron » Tue May 07, 2019 6:27 pm

Two thai girls ask me if id like to go to bed with them, they said it would be like winning the lottery,
I agreed and we all stripped off but to my horror they were right we had six matching balls,

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Sauce!
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Sauce! » Tue May 07, 2019 10:46 pm

I went to bed last night convinced that I was Peter Noone from Herman's Hermits.

Woke up this morning feeling fine.

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vietnammer
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by vietnammer » Tue May 07, 2019 11:26 pm

Rocketron wrote:"What you shouting 123 for!!!!"..
:lol:

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