The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Sauce! »

TV was dreadful this evening, so I decided to go to the pub.
"Put your coat on" I said to my wife.
"Are you taking me out? " she replied eagerly.
"No, I'm turning the heating off"
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Greatest Cockney Rip Off »

What's the difference between ignorance and apathy?

Don't know, don't care.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Greatest Cockney Rip Off »

The Magnificent Seven were invited to appear in a lucrative series of adverts for aftershave,filmed in Liverpool, but only six did.





Yul never wore cologne...
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Dover KUMB fan »

Greatest Cockney Rip Off wrote: Tue Oct 08, 2019 10:28 pm The Magnificent Seven were invited to appear in a lucrative series of adverts for aftershave,filmed in Liverpool, but only six did.





Yul never wore cologne...
You silly b..... :lol:
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Greatest Cockney Rip Off »

Why does the Norwegian navy put barcodes on the sides of their ships?

So that when they all come back to port, they can Scandinavian.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Sauce! »

I spotted an albino dalmation yesterday.

It was the least I could do.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Happyhammer52 »

A horse walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender says "Hey you're in here a lot. Do you think you might be an alcoholic?"

The horse replies "I don't think I am." And poof. Disappears from existence.

Now that joke is a reference to the philosopher Descartes and his famous line "I think, therefore I am."

I could have explained that first, but that would have been putting Descartes before the horse.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Greatest Cockney Rip Off »

I created a website for orphans.

It doesn't have a homepage.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Sauce! »

“My name is Aksenty Ivanovich Poprishchin. I am a clerk in a small company. I do not like my job”.
Diary of a Madman, Nicolai Gogol.

“Woop! Woop! Pop, bang, willy, fizz! I’m a teapot! I’m a teapot!”
Diary of a Madman, Broadmoor.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Rocketron »

Sauce! wrote: Fri Oct 11, 2019 1:32 pm “My name is Aksenty Ivanovich Poprishchin. I am a clerk in a small company. I do not like my job”.
Diary of a Madman, Nicolai Gogol.

“Woop! Woop! Pop, bang, willy, fizz! I’m a teapot! I’m a teapot!”
Diary of a Madman, Broadmoor.
That's not a joke at all.
It's political satire.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by The Collector »

hummous wrote: Sat Mar 20, 2010 8:43 pm Descartes walks into a bar.

The bartender walks up to him and says, “Would you care for a drink?”

Descartes replies, “I think not.” and disappears
Happyhammer52 wrote: Thu Oct 10, 2019 11:41 am A horse walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender says "Hey you're in here a lot. Do you think you might be an alcoholic?"

The horse replies "I don't think I am." And poof. Disappears from existence.

Now that joke is a reference to the philosopher Descartes and his famous line "I think, therefore I am."

I could have explained that first, but that would have been putting Descartes before the horse.
Monkeybubbles must be off sick today.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Bamber Gascoigne »

What's brand of shampoo is endorsed by ISIS?

Head off Shoulders
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Monkeybubbles »

The Collector wrote: Sat Oct 12, 2019 1:00 pm Monkeybubbles must be off sick today.
I'm always happy for someone to share the load. ****ing delighted, in fact.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Clacton-ammer »

Monkeynuts, do you have photographic memory?
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Sauce! »

I can’t believe how rude the suppository helpline was.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by ageing hammer »

Sauce! wrote: Mon Oct 14, 2019 6:50 pm I can’t believe how rude the suppository helpline was.
Bravo Sir Bravo :D
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by kenthammer »

Sauce! wrote: Mon Oct 14, 2019 6:50 pm I can’t believe how rude the suppository helpline was.
:lol:
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by claretandblue82 »

Why do riot police like to get to work early?

So they can beat the crowds.
Last edited by claretandblue82 on Fri Oct 18, 2019 12:58 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Sauce! »

I got the words “Yakuza” and “Jacuzzi” confused.

Now I’m in hot water with the Japanese Mafia.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by OFT »

Looks round for monkeybubbles…… coast clear..


I was going to turn vegan but realised it would be a big missedsteak
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