The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by delbert »

I,ve just learned the German for constipation is farfrompoops........
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by swash »

and the German for virgin is Fitzniceundteit
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Sauce! »

swash wrote: Fri Jan 03, 2020 10:42 am and the German for virgin is Fitzniceundteit
Goesinteit!

Speaking of the Germans, I will never forget the tales my grandfather told me about his disgraceful treatment at the hands of the SS.

Passed over for promotion time and time again.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Dover KUMB fan »

Steady on Sauce, my great Grandfather was killed in a death camp.
He got sloshed & fell out of his watchtower :oops:
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by ageing hammer »

Not forgetting the German for a sex change............ strapa dicktoome
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Bamber Gascoigne »

A champion dog breeder, whose bitch had just come on heat, was concerned about keeping her and the Male dogs separated at night time. But she believed that she could keep them apart by keeping the bitch in the cupboard under the stairs when she went to bed.

However, around 2:00am she was awoken by the most awful crashing and banging, followed by loud panic like barking, howling and moaning sounds. She rushed downstairs and found the cupboard door wide open, all of the cupboard contents strewn throughout the hall and the bitch and one of the male dogs locked together and unable to disengage - obviously both in some pain and discomfort.

Try as she might, she was unable to separate the dogs, who were now whining and wincing with every movement. Perplexed as to what to do next, she grabbed the phone and called their vet.

After she explained the problem to him, the vet said, "Look, dont panic. Just hang up the phone and then place it down alongside the dogs. I will then call you back and the noise of the ringing will make the male lose his erection and he will be able to easily withdraw."

"Do you think that will work?" she asked.

"Well it just *****ing worked for me" said the Vet...
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by EssexIron »

Or the German for bra, stopenemflopenem
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by vietnammer »

It's actually Bustenhalter, which is nearly as funny
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Monkeybubbles »

An Afghan, an Albanian, an Algerian, an American, an Andorran, an Angolan, an Antiguans, an Argentine, an Armenian, an Australian, an Austrian, an Azerbaijani, a Bahamian, a Bahraini, a Bangladeshi, a Barbadian, a Barbudans, a Batswanan, a Belarusian, a Belgian, a Belizean, a Beninese, a Bhutanese, a Bolivian, a Bosnian, a Brazilian, a Brit, a Bruneian, a Bulgarian, a Burkinabe, a Burmese, a Burundian, a Cambodian, a Cameroonian, a Canadian, a Cape Verdean, a Central African, a Chadian, a Chilean, a Chinese, a Colombian, a Comoran, a Congolese, a Costa Rican, a Croatian, a Cuban, a Cypriot, a Czech, a Dane, a Djibouti, a Dominican, a Dutchman, an East Timorese, an Ecuadorean, an Egyptian, an Emirian, an Equatorial Guinean, an Eritrean, an Estonian, an Ethiopian, a Fijian, a Filipino, a Finn, a Frenchman, a Gabonese, a Gambian, a Georgian, a German, a Ghanaian, a Greek, a Grenadian, a Guatemalan, a Guinea-Bissauan, a Guinean, a Guyanese, a Haitian, a Herzegovinian, a Honduran, a Hungarian, an I-Kiribati, an Icelander, an Indian, an Indonesian, an Iranian, an Iraqi, an Irishman, an Israeli, an Italian, an Ivorian, a Jamaican, a Japanese, a Jordanian, a Kazakhstani, a Kenyan, a Kittian and Nevisian, a Kuwaiti, a Kyrgyz, a Laotian, a Latvian, a Lebanese, a Liberian, a Libyan, a Liechtensteiner, a Lithuanian, a Luxembourger, a Macedonian, a Malagasy, a Malawian, a Malaysian, a Maldivan, a Malian, a Maltese, a Marshallese, a Mauritanian, a Mauritian, a Mexican, a Micronesian, a Moldovan, a Monacan, a Mongolian, a Moroccan, a Mosotho, a Motswana, a Mozambican, a Namibian, a Nauruan, a Nepalese, a New Zealander, a Nicaraguan, a Nigerian, a Nigerien, a North Korean, a Northern Irishman, a Norwegian, an Omani, a Pakistani, a Palauan, a Palestinian, a Panamanian, a Papua New Guinean, a Paraguayan, a Peruvian, a Pole, a Portuguese, a Qatari, a Romanian, a Russian, a Rwandan, a Saint Lucian, a Salvadoran, a Samoan, a San Marinese, a Sao Tomean, a Saudi, a Scottish, a Senegalese, a Serbian, a Seychellois, a Sierra Leonean, a Singaporean, a Slovakian, a Slovenian, a Solomon Islander, a Somali, a South African, a South Korean, a Spaniard, a Sri Lankan, a Sudanese, a Surinamer, a Swazi, a Swede, a Swiss, a Syrian, a Tajik, a Tanzanian, a Togolese, a Tongan, a Trinidadian or Tobagonian, a Tunisian, a Turk, a Tuvaluan, a Ugandan, a Ukrainian, a Uruguayan, a Uzbekistani, a Venezuelan, a Vietnamese, a Welshman, a Yemenite, a Zambian and a Zimbabwean...........all go to a nightclub. The doorman stops them and says sorry I can’t let you in without a Thai.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by S-H »

Blimey..
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Clacton-ammer »

I hope that was a copy & paste job...
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by swisstony »

Clacton-ammer wrote: Mon Jan 06, 2020 1:20 pm I hope that was a copy & paste job...
Probably :D
pablo jaye wrote: Sun Apr 07, 2019 7:56 pm An Afghan, an Albanian, an Algerian, an American, an Andorran, an Angolan, an Antiguans, an Argentine, an Armenian, an Australian, an Austrian, an Azerbaijani, a Bahamian, a Bahraini, a Bangladeshi, a Barbadian, a Barbudans, a Batswanan, a Belarusian, a Belgian, a Belizean, a Beninese, a Bhutanese, a Bolivian, a Bosnian, a Brazilian, a Brit, a Bruneian, a Bulgarian, a Burkinabe, a Burmese, a Burundian, a Cambodian, a Cameroonian, a Canadian, a Cape Verdean, a Central African, a Chadian, a Chilean, a Chinese, a Colombian, a Comoran, a Congolese, a Costa Rican, a Croatian, a Cuban, a Cypriot, a Czech, a Dane, a Djibouti, a Dominican, a Dutchman, an East Timorese, an Ecuadorean, an Egyptian, an Emirian, an Equatorial Guinean, an Eritrean, an Estonian, an Ethiopian, a Fijian, a Filipino, a Finn, a Frenchman, a Gabonese, a Gambian, a Georgian, a German, a Ghanaian, a Greek, a Grenadian, a Guatemalan, a Guinea-Bissauan, a Guinean, a Guyanese, a Haitian, a Herzegovinian, a Honduran, a Hungarian, an I-Kiribati, an Icelander, an Indian, an Indonesian, an Iranian, an Iraqi, an Irishman, an Israeli, an Italian, an Ivorian, a Jamaican, a Japanese, a Jordanian, a Kazakhstani, a Kenyan, a Kittian and Nevisian, a Kuwaiti, a Kyrgyz, a Laotian, a Latvian, a Lebanese, a Liberian, a Libyan, a Liechtensteiner, a Lithuanian, a Luxembourger, a Macedonian, a Malagasy, a Malawian, a Malaysian, a Maldivan, a Malian, a Maltese, a Marshallese, a Mauritanian, a Mauritian, a Mexican, a Micronesian, a Moldovan, a Monacan, a Mongolian, a Moroccan, a Mosotho, a Motswana, a Mozambican, a Namibian, a Nauruan, a Nepalese, a New Zealander, a Nicaraguan, a Nigerian, a Nigerien, a North Korean, a Northern Irishman, a Norwegian, an Omani, a Pakistani, a Palauan, a Palestinian, a Panamanian, a Papua New Guinean, a Paraguayan, a Peruvian, a Pole, a Portuguese, a Qatari, a Romanian, a Russian, a Rwandan, a Saint Lucian, a Salvadoran, a Samoan, a San Marinese, a Sao Tomean, a Saudi, a Scottish, a Senegalese, a Serbian, a Seychellois, a Sierra Leonean, a Singaporean, a Slovakian, a Slovenian, a Solomon Islander, a Somali, a South African, a South Korean, a Spaniard, a Sri Lankan, a Sudanese, a Surinamer, a Swazi, a Swede, a Swiss, a Syrian, a Taiwanese, a Tajik, a Tanzanian, a Togolese, a Tongan, a Trinidadian or Tobagonian, a Tunisian, a Turkish, a Tuvaluan, a Ugandan, a Ukrainian, a Uruguayan, a Uzbekistani, a Venezuelan, a Vietnamese, a Welshman, a Yemenite, a Zambian and a Zimbabwean all go to a nightclub...

The doorman stops them and says sorry I cant let you in without a Thai.
Paddy O'Hammer wrote: Tue Jul 24, 2018 10:28 pm An Englishman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Scot, a Gurkha, a Latvian, a Turk. an Aussie, a German, a Yank, an Egyptian, a Japanese, a Mexican, a Spaniard, a Russian, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Jordanian, a Kiwi, a Swede, a Finn, a Canadian, an Israeli, a Romanian, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Swiss, a Greek, a Singaporean, an Italian, a Norwegian, an Argentinian, a Libyan, a Muslim, a Hindu, a Buddhist and an African went to a nightclub.

The bouncer said, 'Sorry, I can't let you in without a Thai.'
The Difference wrote: Thu Apr 19, 2012 6:30 pm An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Latvian, a Turk, a German, an Indian, a Moroccan, a Frenchman, a Dane, several Americans (including a Hawaiian and an Alaskan), an Argentinean, a Slovak, an Australian, an Egyptian, a New Zealander, a Japanese, a Spaniard, a Russian, a Uzbek, a Guatemalan, a Colombian, a Pakistani, a Malaysian, a Croatian, a Cypriot, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Chinese, a Sri Lankan, a Lebanese, a Cayman Islander, a Ugandan, a Vietnamese, a Korean, a Uruguayan, a Czech, an Icelander, a Mexican, a Finn, a Honduran, a Panamanian, an Andorran, a Venezuelan, an Iranian, a Fijian, a Peruvian, an Israeli, an Estonian, a Brazilian, a Liechtensteiner, a Moldovan, a Syrian, an Aruban, a Mongolian, a Portuguese, a Hungarian, a Canadian, a Cook Islander, a Norfolk Islander, a Haitian, a Macedonian, a Bolivian, a Georgian, a Bahaman, a Tajikistani, an Armenian, an Albanian, a Samoan, a Greenlander, a Micronesian, a Virgin Islander, a Belarusian, a Qatari, a Tongan, a Cambodian, a Canadian, a Cuban, an Azerbaijani, a Romanian, a Chilean, a Kyrgyzstani, a Jamaican, a Filipino, a Ukrainian, a Dutchman, an Ecuadorian, a Costa Rican, a Swede, a Serb, a Swiss, a Greek, a Bulgarian, a Belgian, a Singaporean, an Italian, a Norwegian and a Kenyan walk into a fine restaurant.
"I'm sorry," says the maître d', "but you can't come in here without a Thai."
Sloffy wrote: Sun Feb 13, 2011 9:08 am an englishman, irishman, scotsman, iraqi, serb, dane, italian, frenchman, norwegian, bosnian, pole, saudi, american, brazilian, russian, german, swede, icelandic, aussie, spaniard, mexican, canadian, welshman, austrian, hungarian and latvian walked into a pub

the landlord said " I cant let you in without a thai "
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Clacton-ammer »

Sort yourself out Monkeynuts, you **** :D
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by old fart »

Clacton-ammer wrote: Mon Jan 06, 2020 1:39 pm Sort yourself out Monkeynuts, you **** :D

There was always the bloke crawling through the Sahara desert on his hands and knees desperately needing a drop of water finally meets a guy on a camel but who has no water but offers him a fine range of ties to buy, having told him to do one he continues his desperate crawl to eventually find a large tent with a party going on inside, thank God he says " sorry you can come in here without a tie" says the doorman
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Monkeybubbles »

That's my New Year resolution sorted.

**** you, jokes thread.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Dover KUMB fan »

Monkeybubbles wrote: Mon Jan 06, 2020 3:59 pm That's my New Year resolution sorted.

**** you, jokes thread.
And I thought finding the duplicates would be easy this year. don't you have 20 20 vision? :oops:
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Sauce! »

The other day I took some Viagra instead of my sleeping pills and ended up having forty w@nks.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by ageing hammer »

^^^^^^^
:lol:


there are new Viagra eye drops now available, they make your cock look bigger
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Eggs'n'nuts »

ageing hammer wrote: Wed Jan 08, 2020 2:00 pm ^^^^^^^
:lol:


there are new Viagra eye drops now available, they make your cock look bigger
They also make you look hard ageing!
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Dover KUMB fan »

Got a viagra stuck in my throat before. I had a stiff neck for ages
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