The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

[rudekid]

I got the 007 viagra...

It makes me Roger Moore

[Sauce!]

Never take Viagra while smoking cannabis.

It will only give you stiff joints.

[OFT]

I bought some very cheap little blu pills on the internet.
I never got an erection but I did p1ss the bed.
Turns out they were Niagra tablets

[Sauce!]

I got badly sunburnt so I went to the doctor to see if he could help. He prescribed Viagra.

"Will it help to ease the pain & blisters?" I asked.

"No, but it will keep the sheets off your legs".

[Dover KUMB fan]

I was walking past a pet shop, & there was a beautiful cat sitting in the shop window. Next to it was a sign saying 'Cat imported from Holland for sale'
So I went in and asked....
"How Dutch is that moggy in the window?"

[The Old Man of Storr]

An Afghan, an Albanian, an Algerian, an American, an Andorran, an Angolan, an Antiguans, an Argentine, an Armenian, an Australian, an Austrian, an Azerbaijani, a Bahamian, a Bahraini, a Bangladeshi, a Barbadian, a Barbudans, a Batswanan, a Belarusian, a Belgian, a Belizean, a Beninese, a Bhutanese, a Bolivian, a Bosnian, a Brazilian, a Brit, a Bruneian, a Bulgarian, a Burkinabe, a Burmese, a Burundian, a Cambodian, a Cameroonian, a Canadian, a Cape Verdean, a Central African, a Chadian, a Chilean, a Chinese, a Colombian, a Comoran, a Congolese, a Costa Rican, a Croatian, a Cuban, a Cypriot, a Czech, a Dane, a Djibouti, a Dominican, a Dutchman, an East Timorese, an Ecuadorean, an Egyptian, an Emirian, an Equatorial Guinean, an Eritrean, an Estonian, an Ethiopian, a Fijian, a Filipino, a Finn, a Frenchman, a Gabonese, a Gambian, a Georgian, a German, a Ghanaian, a Greek, a Grenadian, a Guatemalan, a Guinea-Bissauan, a Guinean, a Guyanese, a Haitian, a Herzegovinian, a Honduran, a Hungarian, an I-Kiribati, an Icelander, an Indian, an Indonesian, an Iranian, an Iraqi, an Irishman, an Israeli, an Italian, an Ivorian, a Jamaican, a Japanese, a Jordanian, a Kazakhstani, a Kenyan, a Kittian and Nevisian, a Kuwaiti, a Kyrgyz, a Laotian, a Latvian, a Lebanese, a Liberian, a Libyan, a Liechtensteiner, a Lithuanian, a Luxembourger, a Macedonian, a Malagasy, a Malawian, a Malaysian, a Maldivan, a Malian, a Maltese, a Marshallese, a Mauritanian, a Mauritian, a Mexican, a Micronesian, a Moldovan, a Monacan, a Mongolian, a Moroccan, a Mosotho, a Motswana, a Mozambican, a Namibian, a Nauruan, a Nepalese, a New Zealander, a Nicaraguan, a Nigerian, a Nigerien, a North Korean, a Northern Irishman, a Norwegian, an Omani, a Pakistani, a Palauan, a Palestinian, a Panamanian, a Papua New Guinean, a Paraguayan, a Peruvian, a Pole, a Portuguese, a Qatari, a Romanian, a Russian, a Rwandan, a Saint Lucian, a Salvadoran, a Samoan, a San Marinese, a Sao Tomean, a Saudi, a Scottish, a Senegalese, a Serbian, a Seychellois, a Sierra Leonean, a Singaporean, a Slovakian, a Slovenian, a Solomon Islander, a Somali, a South African, a South Korean, a Spaniard, a Sri Lankan, a Sudanese, a Surinamer, a Swazi, a Swede, a Swiss, a Syrian, a Tajik, a Tanzanian, a Togolese, a Tongan, a Trinidadian or Tobagonian, a Tunisian, a Turk, a Tuvaluan, a Ugandan, a Ukrainian, a Uruguayan, a Uzbekistani, a Venezuelan, a Vietnamese, a Welshman, a Yemenite, a Zambian and a Zimbabwean...........all go to a nightclub. The doorman stops them and says sorry I can’t let you in without a Thai.

They had a Vietnamese guy in the group , surely that's close enough .

[Rocketron]

I was walking past a pet shop, & there was a beautiful cat sitting in the shop window. Next to it was a sign saying 'Cat imported from Holland for sale'
So I went in and asked....
"How Dutch is that moggy in the window?"

I've got tears of laughter streaming down my face, but my wife doesn't think it is funny.

[Sauce!]

I was strolling along Beachy Head the other day when I found a man crying his eyes out.

Naturally concerned, I asked him why he was crying.

“I just saw a coachload of Liverpool fans drive over the cliff edge”.

“Why is that anything to cry about?”

“I think there were two empty seats.”

[ageing hammer]

Sauce mate you always have a good one fair play :lol:

[Greatest Cockney Rip Off]

I went to see a brilliant Elbow tribute band called Arse.

I couldn't tell one from the other.

[Hammer.CA]

Why did the chicken go to the seance?

To get to the other side.

[Sauce!]

“My paddy field measures exactly one thousand seven hundred and sixty yards” said the farmer with a wry smile.

[Dover KUMB fan]

took a minute....

[WHU_Del]

Went to see a band called The Prevention.
They were better than The Cure.

[pablo jaye]

took a minute....

Me too..... v good!

[The Collector]

I was walking past a pet shop, & there was a beautiful cat sitting in the shop window. Next to it was a sign saying 'Cat imported from Holland for sale'
So I went in and asked....
"How Dutch is that moggy in the window?"

I've got tears of laughter streaming down my face, but my wife doesn't think it is funny.

Exactly the same in my household :lol:

[Toulouse_Iron]

“My paddy field measures exactly one thousand seven hundred and sixty yards” said the farmer with a wry smile.

Help!!

[Joyeux Marteau]

Help!!

It is a good one.

One thousand seven hundred and sixty yards is a mile so they have a rice mile or wry smile.

Hope it helps.

A Bientot.

[vietnammer]

Thank goodness someone explained it!

[ageing hammer]

I went to see a brilliant Elbow tribute band called Arse.

I couldn't tell one from the other.

Bravo

One of the best jokes ever on here :lol: