The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

[mushy]

How are you getting along Samba?

[Samba]

Had a pretty bad week tbh, mushy. Hopefully going to get some help with mum.
Have to report that Tenbury & TOMoS both massively helped, with their pm's to me. Two great guys.
Thanks for asking for an update btw, mushy. Got a lot of good guys on this thread.

[The Old Man of Storr]

Hope things improve in the coming days , Samba - will be in touch , mate .

[sendô]

Some good stuff the last few pages of this thread lads.

[wolf359]

first of all, thank you to all that has posted in this thread, I've read every page.

Let me tell you a story, in 2003, (I joined this site the day we were relegated in 2003 - I was alone then and needed someone to share the pain) I bought my first house (I was 25) at that time I was serious with a girl, she would become my wife in may 2008.

A year later we had our first child, I thought i won the game of life, (house, wife to be, plans for child, good earnings) these were beautiful times.

We had a wonderful daughter in 2009 (the day of the Millwall riots at UP to be exact)

A few years later my wife committed adultery (with a woman) and we separated. I don't know the exact dates ( I was so ****ed up).

Some eight years later I am alone, and have been for a long time

Now i'm 41. my girl is 10 (I have roughly 50% contact, which is a god send) .

I'll be 42 next month and I am bored, the idea of living to 60 or 80 terrifies me. I'm fed up of this game, it is ****, the world is ****. What scares me most is my daughter, that I get to see her, she'd be better of without me. I'm an arse hole, she does not deserve the anchor that is me.

I'm alone, I have no friends, I'm 41 and I've had enough of this planet. Stop the world I want to get off.

I went to the doc 18 months ago and was placed on tablets and help. I've stopped both.

I don't know how to fix this, currently I cannot see how I'll make 50 but i did have similar feelings about 40.

just to state. I DON'T WANT TO DIE (i'm not suicidal) . I'm just not sure I want to live.

Tomorrow is Monday, back to work (or day -5 as I view it, 5 more days until the weekend) 25 more until the next meaningless holiday.

EDIT I don't know what you'd say to this post. I'm fed up its Sunday and I'm one week closer to retirement maybe that is a bonus. I'm made versions of this post several times before and deleted it, today I don't thing I will. Thank you for reading

I know I need help, but I'm not sure I want it, may be some of us are designed to be broken.

[Samba]

first of all, thank you to all that has posted in this thread, I've read every page.
EDIT I don't know what you'd say to this post. I'm fed up its Sunday and I'm one week closer to retirement maybe that is a bonus. I'm made versions of this post several times before and deleted it, today I don't thing I will. Thank you for reading
I know I need help, but I'm not sure I want it, may be some of us are designed to be broken.

Wow, what a great post wolf. Well, not great to hear that you're struggling, just great that you posted & how eloquent it was.
You do sound a bit depressed, mate. And why shouldn't you be.
Your daughter would NOT be better off without you, you are NOT an anchor on her & you are NOT an arse hole. You are just somebody struggling with life at the moment & probably have been for those 8 years.
The fact that you are on here, means that you are not alone & it means that you do have friends, even if we're faceless b*stards!
I'm not sure that anyone is designed to be broken. That would have to be that our lives are written, before we are born. I don't know if it is or isn't.
But I do know that people are born into all kinds of families. We each get dealt a different set of cards. And then life happens to us. Bad things happen sometimes that we don't always deserve, if we ever do.
Just please always remember one thing, how you are feeling now cannot stay the same forever, one day you will feel happier & glad that you're still here.
I think you need to see your GP again. I think that is the way to kick things off. He may suggest pills, which you don't HAVE to take (maybe the last ones were not right for you - there are many alternatives), or point you towards some kind of talking therapy. If you had some before, maybe that wasn't the right one. Also, remember that there is always hope.
By posting this, it suggests to me that you are possibly ready to seek & accept some help. It's a positive sign.
None of it means that you have failed or are a failure. It's sometimes a part of life & there are many, many people out there who are feeling as bad as you do, you are definitely not alone, even if it feels like it sometimes.
Keep posting, mate

[Tenbury]

Wolf,
For some reason, I can only respond to pms , my IT incompetence no doubt,please feel free to send me one, maybe I can help at least with my experience of 'the system'.

Firstly,you know that your 10 year old would NOT be better off without you, more than that were you to choose that path you d have a devastating effect on her for the rest of her life....the last thing you want.
What she wants and needs ,is a Dad whose head is in the best shape it can be, not easy but 100% doable.
You need to get well again,and you can.
The MH treatment procedures are not particularly user friendly(exactly the reverse of what they should be) but they can be made to help.I've come to realize that it's really in your own hands:
It always starts with the GP,some are fantastic,others less so,but remember you are just 10 mins of their day which might involve terminal illnesses,homelessness a broken fingernail, a broken neck etc,etc and all before lunchtime. You need to see a G P again (if you can't get on with them,ask to see another...I do). Make a list of the things you want to say, and if you can't find the words,give them the list (I have).There are LOADS of different meds one might work for some and not for others,if you have to change them around , that's perfectly normal. Don't leave the surgery without a follow up appointment, tell the GP you want one, it will emphasize the seriousness of how you're feeling.
If the sh*t really hits the fan...it's early morning, you haven't slept for a couple of days etc,etc call the Sams, they really just listen, and somehow that helps.
Finally,if work 's getting on your t*ts, make sure the GP knows ,and get signed off for a bit, your health matters more.
PM me anytime and post on here, people on this thread have been really kind to me and shown a depth of understanding far greater than I've found on any specialist MH site meant for people like me, they really are remarkable.
You can get through this.Best wishes.

[ageing hammer]

Wolf,

You are not the first person to have deleted their post a few times before finally getting it out there, that's always a difficult thing to do because it kind of bares your soul so to speak.

It's never comfortable for us men to talk about ourselves that's why so many suffer when they shouldn't ( only women bleed my arrse ).

You say you have read every page on here well that means you know a few things already, that firstly you are not alone, you are not the first person to feel like you do, you are suffering but there is a way out for you and that there is help out there for you.

You must not give up mate you are only 42 that is so young to feel like you do at the moment, and it is only at the moment it is temporary, things NEVER stay the same for ever, good times or bad they only last a while. I am sure if you follow some of the advice form people on here who have been there things hopefully will turn around for you.

You have a wonderful daughter who loves you that should be your inspiration.

I hope things turn around for you soon mate,

[The Old Man of Storr]

Good posts as always , Samba , Tenbury and Ageing -

Wolf -
You've taken the first step towards recovery with that post - it took courage , it took a lot of courage .

Your happy life was torn apart and whether deliberate or not you've found yourself alone 8 years later .

I was hearing in the news the other day of a man who had lost his wife while on their honeymoon - she was murdered and the only suspects were found not guilty - The case was all over the Irish papers - 3 years later this man got married . ' He didn't waste much time ' I thought .

You on the other hand have been grieving for 8 years or more - I think you've grieved long enough , mate and at 41 you're still young enough to start your life all over again .

As Tenbury has advised I'd start by going to see your Doctor - taking anti-depressants is fine , it doesn't come with the stigma of old and they can help - it's important for you to feel better before taking your next step -
Keep talking - whether publicly or to one of us - Mushy , Tenbury and Samba are all great blokes with some brilliant advice and help - talking helps .

After you've got yourself together [ and YOU WILL ] - perhaps you'll feel like getting together with a new partner , at 41 you're still very young .

[sendô]

Now i'm 41. my girl is 10 (I have roughly 50% contact, which is a god send) .

I'll be 42 next month and I am bored, the idea of living to 60 or 80 terrifies me.

I'm pretty sure your daughter would want you to still be there for her, even when she's 30 or 50.

Is it just that you are bored? Perhaps something else positive to fill your spare time when your daughter isn't there?

[OFT]

Wolf.
That's a big thing to do to get those words in front of you and a great start.
As the others have said, your daughter will NOT be better without you.
As always posters on here very sympathetic and understanding, not least of all because most have been or are sufferers at one level or another.

The advice to go back to your GP is the correct one.

Do you have a 'designated' GP at your practise or is it more a question of who's available?
I found that some are better than others, and one in particular was very understanding and I did much better when 'guided' by him. When he retired I had differing experiences until I saw the current one who I see every time. Is there a GP at your practise with a special interest in this?
Also, it's true that certain medications are better for some than others. I found that one particular tablet made me much worse, drove me to the point of being completely bonkers instead of the usual just bonkers.
Although you may not feel so at the moment, these things can be recovered from and at least 'managed'

All the best with it mate and please keep posting

[Cockneyboy311]

Wolf,

You have a wonderful daughter who loves you that should be your inspiration.

I hope things turn around for you soon mate,

Wolfy,

These two lines above are key for me and, I cant really add much more, other than do you do any exercise? If not i can highly recommend it although i know it can be tough to get out there. Even if you start on a few long walks and build from there.

Exercise keeps me sane. Seriously. I'd be a miserable unhappy person without it. Might not work for everyone but if you don't do anything give it a go.

[wolf359]

Hi, thanks all for the comments above and bothering to read my mental scribblings.

I think in the cold light of day I am just bored, bored of pretty much everything. I really should look for a new job that is probably at the centre of it all.This issue is my current job is just too easy, I've not been stretched or stimulated by it for a number of years. I should probably try to move house as well. I kept the house when the marriage ended and have done nothing to it in that time (I hate decorating in any form, she did it all over 10 years ago;) she is still on the mortgage and I've had difficulties getting a solo one, but it has been a few years since I've tried.

As for exercise I hit the gym hard when first single, I went almost every day. It became a bit of an obsession, I stopped and took up World of Warcraft (which is more addictive then class A's) . Now I'm just increasingly fat git who knows he needs to do something about it but doesn't.

Anyway onwards we march, lunch time soon

[Tenbury]

Seems to me, given the constraints of parenthood( and in 5 or 6 years your daughter will be starting to swim unaided(as it were), and you'll still have ,with luck,3useful decades in front of you) you can do just about anything you want....anywhere you want to do it. 50 ain't that old(I had my first child@45).

It's just easy to get stuck in a rut, I think work has a lot to answer for here. So many jobs demand so much of your mental and physical capacity, the so called 'work - life' balance is a horrible cliche, but there's much truth to it.It's so easy to ignore problems in your non working life by simply concentrating on the 9-5 stuff.
As my friend Ignazio says (in a dreadful Italio/English accent) : 'Inglese, you live to work,....we work to live'.

[Samba]

As for exercise I hit the gym hard when first single, I went almost every day. It became a bit of an obsession, I stopped and took up World of Warcraft (which is more addictive then class A's) . Now I'm just increasingly fat git who knows he needs to do something about it but doesn't.

I have heard that WoW can be bad for piling on the weight!

[chelmsfordhammer91]

I regularly have a read of this thread and only have admiration for those of you not only persevering, but progressing, with some of the issues facing you.

No one is alone, if any of you are in the Chelmsford area and ever need a chat or pint (although I've been tee total since 29 November and planning to stick to it) feel free to drop me a PM. On more than happy to listen, or just have someone to chat with to take your mind off life. No pity, just genuine respect.

[pablo jaye]

Wolf .... like others have said, you have taken the first big positive step in posting on here, so that’s a good thing. You then mentioned in your subsequent post about things that you should be doing like new job, home and more exercise .... again, all these are positive things as they are on your mind and subconsciously you will be moving them forward in some way. The big difficulty is that they are big things in their own way and potentially quite daunting - and the toughest thing is speaking that first step.

Take exercise for example ... it’s often not the actual exercise that is difficult, or the weather, it is actually getting out of the door. So the solution maybe is to take small steps at first. Using exercise again as an example, start off by walking down to the end of your road, then next time walk 100m further and so on until it builds up. Before you know it you will have achieved quite a bit.

As my 100 year old Grandad says, ‘Give it a go’, which is what he still does to this day.

Finally, apologies if I am teaching you to ‘suck eggs’!!!!

[White Goodman]

The wife has now not been talking to me for 3 solid days. I even tried to ask her how her day went yesterday and got blanked, she's been having a hard time at work and despite her being a twat, I thought I would see if she was alright.

The reason she is not talking to me?

Apparently the other night, I said someone's name in my sleep, don't recall a dream or anything else.

I do occasionally talk in my sleep and it's always complete and utter b*llocks but instead, she is now an authority on the neuroscience behind this and concludes that I am after someone, despite actual neuroscientists not understanding how this sort of thing works.

Just come in here and said "thanks very much for not bothering to ask how I was with my job" before storming off to bed.

She's the one blanking me. They are all batshit ****ing crazy.

The only good thing about all of this is that it is making me like my job because it's 40 miles away from my house.

[Samba]

Well, you will have naughty dreams about Karren Brady..
Seriously Whitey, things weren't great just after Christmas, were they?
Try to keep calm, mate. Your mrs sounds like she's spoiling for a fight & looking for things to blow up about.
When you've both got a bit of time, make a cup of tea or whatever & try to have a bit of a sit down chat with her.
Her pressure & stress at work could well be making her a bit irrational but remind her gently, you're actually on the same team.
Is she menopausal or pre? That could be driving her a bit batty. Maybe she needs a doc checkup?
Good luck, mate.

[White Goodman]

Cheers mate.

I am more bemused lately than anything else but it's no fun. I've taken the decision to try and ignore it .

The alternative is to engage with her in this mood . Last time I did that I suggested she needed professional help and obviously that went down like a lead balloon.

And yes she's 47 , so maybe but this is standard (ish) behaviour

Damned if I do , damned if I don't at the moment.

Still here though, so looking on the bright side .....